Route 66: Lizard’s Leg and Owlet’s Wing

If only it had Basil Rathbone too. Still, anything that boasts the last on-camera appearances of Boris Karloff in his Frankenstein Monster makeup and Lon Chaney Jr. in his Wolf-Man makeup should definitely be of interest for horror fans. Plus, they also had Peter Lorre along for the ride. However, he gets offended that people find him scary without makeup in one of the extended gags running throughout the “Lizard’s Leg and Owlet’s Wing” episode of Route 66, which airs today as part of Decade TV’s weekend binge.

For the time being, our two suspicious drifters, Tod Stiles and Buz Murdock have accepted convention coordinator positions at a Chicago airport hotel. However, there is tension between them, because Murdock refuses to share his access to the convention of administrative assistants he was assigned to. Since this is 1962, there are all pretty single women.

Instead, Stiles finds himself facilitating a business meeting for three strange looking gentlemen in the film industry. They look like Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, and Lon Chaney, Jr., because they are, but they are traveling incognito. The three horror legends hope to form a new production company, but Karloff think they must adapt to the times, whereas Lorre and Chaney believe the old monsters will still work.

Since Stiles is starting to appreciate Lorre’s weird charm, he agrees to help him and Chaney scare the wits out of the “secretaries” to prove their point to Karloff and get back at Murdock. Chaos ensues, but there is one heartbroken woman they just can’t scare. Fortunately, Karloff is there to give her grandfatherly solace.

Admittedly, the secretarial convention storyline is painfully dated, but that’s on Route 66, not Karloff, Lorre, or Chaney. On the other hand, the episode will delight horror fans, because of the way it capitalizes on the iconic actors’ personas. Karloff is kindly and genteel, evoking the spirit of his legendary cartoon voiceovers. Lorre is sophisticated, continental, and eccentric, whereas Chaney is a likable lug, who is devoted to his grandson Ron (who also appeared as himself).

Inner Sanctum: The Frozen Ghost

It was a franchise that started as a publishing imprint. Originally, the “Inner Sanctum” was a line of Simon & Schuster mysteries, but it became an anthology series on radio, TV, and the big screen. Produced by Universal at the height of its early horror years, the Inner Sanctum films often blurred the mysteries with slightly uncanny elements. They also all starred Lon Chaney, Jr, which is why fans still watch them. Fittingly, Harold Young’s The Frozen Ghost, gets the business on this week’s edition of Svengoolie.

There are no ghosts in this film. Most of the events take place in a wax museum that is rather cold, but the really bad stuff goes down in the furnace room, where the wax is melted. Maybe the title makes sense as a metaphor, but whatever.

Alex Gregor, a.k.a. “Gregor the Great” is a legit mentalist, who has a talent for getting answers from the audience’s thought-waves by putting his fiancée-assistant, Maura Daniel, into a trance. At least that is what he really believes. He is also genuinely convinced he killed a disruptive drunk skeptic with his negative mental energy. Of course, the cops think that is hogwash, but he is so alarmed and guilt-ridden, he breaks off with Daniel and spirals into a funk.

To restore his spirits, Gregor’s business manager ever so logically arranges for him to stay in Madame Valerie Monet’s wax museum. It is filled with cheery exhibits of notorious murders designed by Dr. Rudi Polden, a disgraced plastic surgeon and generally suspicious character.

The Frozen Ghost is definitely creaky and corny, but the sets and trappings of the Monet Wax Museum will bring joy to any fan of vintage Universal horror. It is also cool to see Chaney together again with Evelyn Ankers (his co-star in The Wolf-Man, The Ghost of Frankenstein, and Son of Dracula).

Back in Drive-Ins: Al Adamson’s Dracula vs. Frankenstein

Through no merit of its own, this grade-Z exploitation movie keeps winning the distribution lottery. It reached its initial viewers on the drive-in circuit, which was the intended destination for most of director-distributor Al Adamson’s movies. Then it had a second life as one of the earliest VHS releases. Suddenly, drive-in distribution is a thing again, so it is headed back to outdoor screens. However, this time Adamson’s Dracula vs. Frankenstein will be serving a good cause when original star Zandor Vorkov makes rare personal appearances to support blood drives during the era of the CCP-Virus. The next stop for D vs. F (as part of a double-bill with Adamson’s Brain of Blood) and the “Vampire’s Blood Oath” will be the Family Drive-In (VA), this Wednesday and Thursday.

Wheelchair-bound Dr. Durea (if that is his real name, which of course it isn’t) runs a tacky yet shockingly realistic Venice Beach house of horrors, featuring Island of Dr. Moreau style monstrosities—and a functioning guillotine. Durea is actually the last of the Frankensteins, who is still secretly in the old family business. Somehow, Dracula knew this and also had the inside info on where Frankenstein’s enemies buried his last stitched together monster. Much to the crazy doctor’s surprise, Dracula wants to join forces, because he believes serum Frankenstein is perfecting will make him even more invincible. Remember, this doesn’t have to make sense. It is just supposed to fill time while teenagers made out in their cars and bought concessions.

Meanwhile, Las Vegas showgirl Judith Fontain has come to Venice looking for her hippy sister, who has become the latest victim of Groton, Dr. Frankenstein’s zombie hunchback (the monster named after an elite prep school). The cops are no help and the bikers don’t want anyone asking questions about their former customers. Fortunately, she falls into the pad of sensitive swinger Mike, who will help her amateur investigation. They are not the brightest people, but they still quickly identify Durea’s Creature Emporium as a prime site of suspicion.

D vs. F has a reputation for murkiness that is well deserved. There are old prints out there that look like it was filmed in Manos-Vision. Yet, it kind of fits this movie. Ed Wood films are so bad they’re good. Human Centipedes are so bad they’re repellent. D vs. F is so bad, its surreal. After watching it, you have to remind yourself you live in a world with decent natural lighting, where the laws of nature apply with logical consistency.

Holiday DVD Guide: Lost Pilots

Casting is everything. These failed or drastically revamped pilots prove it. Here’s a trivia question for you. What role was played by William Bendix, Jackie Gleason, and Lon Chaney, Jr.? The answer is Chester A. Riley from the Life of Riley radio, film, and TV series. Chaney Jr. played well meaning Riley in the pilot, but Gleason took over for the initial series run. Chaney’s Life of Riley is one of four curios included in Television’s Lost Classics Vol. 2: Rare Pilots, which is now available on DVD.

The program starts with the nearly unwatchable The Case of the Sure Thing. Presumably, this was conceived as a Dragnet for the New York Bunco Squad, but it makes it look like NYPD fraud detectives sat around all day shilling for Philip Morris cigarettes. In between sales pitches, some poor sap gets fleeced by a horse racing scam. Skip to the next one.

So what role was played by Frank Sinatra (on radio), Art Carney, and racing jockey Billy Pearson? Detective Donald Lam, part of the Cool and Lam duo featured in 30 novels churned by Perry Mason creator Erle Stanley Gardner under the pseudonym A.A. Fair. Wiry Pearson actually has decent screen presence and plenty of nervous energy for the pesky P.I. His boss, the somewhat matronly Bertha Cool seems like a bit of a stereotype today, but the notion that a middle-aged woman could run a detective agency was arguably rather progressive for 1958.

It also has a nice noir look, thanks to director Jacques Tourneur, who is fondly remembered for helming the classic Val Lewton-produced horror movies, Cat People and I Walked with a Zombie. Erle Stanley himself even filmed an intro to the series, so it is odd it never really had a chance.

Chaney Jr. sounds like a highly questionable fit for Life of Riley, but in all fairness, his comedic timing was not bad. The humor itself just seems hopelessly dated, but there is something nostalgic about the show’s blue-collar family values. It is definitely a curiosity, but Chaney fans will enjoy seeing range Junior Chaney rarely had the chance to show.

Lionel Stander, Lee Horsley, Timothy Hutton, and William Shatner? They were Nero Wolfe’s leg-man, Archie Goodwin. Reportedly, the 1959 pilot was a victim of its own success, considered too good for its half-hour format by network executives. Shatner flashes some of that James T. Kirk charm and plays off Broadway actor Kurt Kasznar’s Nero Wolfe quite adroitly. Both actors look like they were enjoying their sparring sessions. The mystery is wrapped up in a rather perfunctory manner (those execs were sort of right), but it is still a shame their Nero Wolfe was not picked up for a full series run. It even featured a theme composed by Alex North, so plenty of talent went into it.

As a bonus feature, Lost Classics also includes a blooper reel cobbled together for a CBS affiliate meeting, hosted by James Arness. It is somewhat more amusing than a lot of similar compilations, largely because of the vintage shows it was culled from (Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Travel, and The Twilight Zone), but hardly essential viewing.

This disk is admittedly a novelty release. Still, we can see the potential of Nero Wolfe and Cool and Lam, so it is rather a shame that the never found a spot on the network schedule. Indeed, it was a different era, when there were only three episodic content buyers. A modestly interesting diversion, Television’s Lost Classics: Pilots is now available on DVD and BluRay.