Hoax: The Fur is Out There

Honestly, the one-minute Patterson-Gimlin film supposedly capturing Bigfoot out for a stroll ought to be in the National Film Registry, even though it is undoubtedly bogus. The salient point is how influential it has been. Decades later, it is still the best thing going for Sasquatch hunters, but a disgraced reality TV producer hopes to score a more conclusive scoop. Of course, he has no qualms about exploiting the mysterious disappearance of a group of horny teens in Matt Allen’s Hoax, which releases today on VOD.

Seriously, as soon as you start camping in the woods, horror movie rules immediately apply, so wandering off for a quick hook-up will get you killed every time. Unfortunately, the more responsible Alex Barnes vanished along with her randy friends, but her rugged outdoorsman father Cooper hasn’t given up looking for her. However, his resources are limited, so he accepts an offer to join the cast of Rick Paxton’s Bigfooting hunting series.

Primate vet Dr. Ellen Freese is also a little embarrassed to be part of the team, but she needed the money. John Singer is literally there for mercenary reasons, having been hired to protect the shows airhead host (and fiancée of the network president’s son), Bridgette Powers. As the party settles in, it becomes clear Cooper, Singer, and Freese are the three we have confidence in, whereas Paxton is absolute pond scum. They start to suspect the dirtbag producer is faking the weirdness in the woods, but we saw the opening prologue, so we know the danger is real.

The awkward truth is Bigfoot/Sasquatch movies are very much a hot-or-miss deal. The best of the lot approach the hairy beast in a decidedly idiosyncratic manner, like The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot and Stomping Ground, whereas more straight forward horror takes, such as Exists are rather mediocre. This is a case in point.

For the most part, Hoax is bland and unremarkable, but it has one thing going for it: considerable screen time for genre character actor Brian Thompson (who you might recognize as the head cultist in Cobra and the Alien Bounty Hunter on The X-Files). He is terrific as the steely, hardnosed Singer. Fans will also enjoy seeing Adrienne Barbeau pop up as Dr. Freese’s medical technician Wilma, even though it is a completely inconsequential role.

It is worth noting there is not much gore in first and second acts, but there is a sudden deluge in the last twenty minutes or so. Arguably, that is sign the film’s balance is off. Hoax earns some goodwill by reminding us of what a genre stalwart Thompson has been over the years, but then fritters it away with an ending that appears to be designed to incorporate as many unsatisfying horror clichés as was humanly possible. Not recommended, Hoax releases today on VOD.

Big Legend: Tracking the Shaggy Monster

He looks like Chewbacca, so how bad can Sasquatch really be? Bad. Really bad. The hairy beast will make off with Tyler Laird’s fiancée and gets the former Special Forces soldier packed off to the sanitarium for observation. A year later, Laird heads back into the woods for some payback in Justin Lee’s Big Legend (trailer here), which releases today on DVD.

For a while, the camping trip was perfect. He proposed. Natalie said yes, but then a weird noise woke them at night. He stumbles out of the tent, notices some strange rock pilings, and then Big Foot swoops in for Laird’s would-be wife.

Apparently, this led to some sort of PTSD in Laird, which, coupled with his rather incredible memories of the incident in question, got him admitted to a mental health facility. However, Mother Laird never thought he was crazy, so she encourages him to go back and find out what really happened to Natalie.

Frankly, the first act is interminably slow. Fiancé looking for answers—seriously how long does it take to set up that premise? Things perk up a little when Laird eventually teams up with Eli Verunde, another hunter tracking Sasquatch, but in his case, purely out of curiosity. Still, the film completely lacks the charm of Stomping Ground, the colorful supporting characters of Primal Rage, and the intensity of Bobcat Goldthwait’s Willow Creek.

It is all very much by the numbers, until the promised Lance Henriksen finally shows up late in the eleventh hour to explain how Big Legend is really the start of a franchise. The frustrating thing is the concept he teases is much more interesting than the movie we have to sit through to get there. This leads to an odd situation, where we can’t recommend Big Legend at all, but we’d like to see the more ambitious sequel get made. This is like an entire proof-of-concept film, but it doesn’t make its case very well.

Kevin Makely is a decently rugged lead and Todd A. Robinson labors mightily to get something going as Verunde. You can’t blame either of them for the film’s underwhelming blahness. The great Adrienne Barbeau is also criminally wasted as Laird’s mom. Of course, Henriksen is totally cool as Jackson Wells, which is why we want to see more of him. There is just way too much hiking and camping in this movie and not enough intelligent behavior. Not recommended (but good luck with more Jackson Wells), Big Legend releases today on DVD and digital HD.

Primal Rage: Oh-Mah, the Legend with Big Feet

Big Foot must be real, because he fits the description of the Oh-Mah in Yurok and Hoppa native legends. According to the Pacific Northwest deputy, they are the restless spirits of deceased tribal chiefs. Those must have been some mean chiefs, because this Oh-Mah sasquatch is one ornery beast in Patrick Magee’s Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn (trailer here), which has a special one-night only Fathom Events screening tomorrow, at participating theaters.

Ashley just picked up her no-account husband Max from prison, hoping to salvage their relationship, but all he wants to talk about are shivs. Soon, he won’t be talking so tough anymore. Things look bad when bad when Ashley runs down a half-chewed victim fleeing the Oh-Mah, but they take a worse turn when they tumble down the ravine during the aftermath. Clearly, they will be the Oh-Mah’s next prey, but the creature seems to take a special interest in Ashley.

Max and Ashley could use some help, but the hunting party of drunken good old boys are not exactly the helpful type. They too seem to take an interest in Ashley, but they won’t be laughing either once Oh-Mah starts picking them off one or two at a time. He is a hairy creature, but he is smart enough to use tools, like a bow and arrows. Fortunately, the skeptical Sheriff agreed to attend a sweat lodge-style ritual for insight, so help is surely on the way.

During the long, long set-up, Primal feels like a pretty standard Big Foot movie, but the third act is surprisingly tense and brutal. Throughout it all, late veteran character actor Eloy Casadas is terrific as the Sheriff. Even though Casadas had a recurring role on Walker, Texas Ranger and regularly appeared in Ron Shelton’s films, it doesn’t look like the trades or Deadline covered his passing, so good for Magee and company for dedicating the film to his memory.

So, it does get going eventually, as soon as Oh-Mah’s arrows start flying. Casey Gagliardi and Andrew Joseph Montgomery stop being so annoying as Ashley and Max once the direness of their situation becomes apparent. Marshal Hilton also keeps things lively by gleefully chewing the scenery as B.D., the leader of the sketchy hunting party.

Thanks to some nicely drawn characters, Primal Rage is much better than Exists, but it is not nearly as fun as Stomping Ground. You probably do not need to reschedule your life to see it tomorrow, but you should definitely take time to appreciate Casadas’s final work when it hits streaming platforms. For loyal Sasquatch-watchers, Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn screens in select theaters tomorrow (2/27), including the AMC Empire and Regal Union Square in New York.

Exists: Bigfoot Stomps About

It turns out Bigfoot is as big and blurry as he looks in photos. Frankly, it is probably smart not to show too much of your monster, too soon. Of course, if anyone knows their way around a found footage horror film it is Blair Witch and VHS2 co-director Eduardo Sánchez. An annoying camera geek will naturally have the tools to document the mayhem when a group of friends get on Sasquatch’s bad side in Sánchez’s Exists (trailer here), which opens this Friday in New York.

For some reason, Uncle Bob stopped going to his rustic hunting cabin, so his nephews Matt and Brian had to steal the keys for a weekend getaway. Convinced it will be Shangri-La up there, they drag along Matt’s girlfriend, their pal Todd, and his girlfriend. Actually, their friends are more Matt’s than Brian’s. Matt is the brooding, popular brother, while Brian is the goofy one who hopes to post a Bigfoot video on youtube. Oh, he’ll have some footage alright. However, he was asleep when their car hit some sort of mysterious furry object.

No, whatever it was, it was not a deer. The state of Uncle Bob’s cabin is also a bit of a buzz kill. It sure looks like he left in a hurry. Nevertheless, the five not-as-young-as-they-act partiers start drinking and getting on each other’s nerves before Bigfoot basically lays siege to the joint. Unfortunately, ‘Quatch is probably the smartest character in the film.

To be fair, Chris Osborn is not bad as Brian, nibbling on the scenery here and there. In contrast, the rest of the ensemble is so nondescript viewers will hardly remember them from scene to scene. Still, the Sasquatch could serve as a highly credible Wookie audition for big and athletic Brian Steele.

Exists is like the Busch Beer of horror movies. If you want to sit back and savor a drink, there are much more refined options, but if you just want to get hammered, it will get the job done. We have seen found footage of plenty other cabins in the woods, but Sánchez has a strong command of the genre mechanics. Shrewdly, he keeps the big harry one under wraps in the early going, framing some rather effective what-did-we-just-see-out-of-the-corner-of-our-eyes shots.

Even if it does not break any new genre ground, Exists is a lean and brisk foray into the dark woods, thanks to Mike Elizalde’s creature design, Andrew Eckblad and Andy Jenkins’ tight editing, and Sánchez’s willingness to occasionally fudge the found-footage format. There are better Halloween selections screening during Anthology Film Archives’ Industrial Terror series, but there are far worse possibilities at the multiplex. It opens this Friday (10/24) in New York at the AMC Empire.

DWF ’14: Stomping Ground

Six or seven years ago, the Discovery Channel aired a special arguing we should not completely dismiss the existence of Sasquatch from a scientific perspective. Take that city slickers. Nevertheless, a Chicago smart aleck assumes his girl friend’s Bigfoot expedition is just a big snipe hunt, until things get surprisingly intense in Dan Riessner’s Stomping Ground (trailer here), which screens during the seventeenth Dances With Films in Hollywood, California.

Ben considers it a big step in their relationship when he spends Thanksgiving with Annie at her North Carolina home. It is pretty obvious he is not from around these parts, but he tries to be a good sport. That becomes rather difficult when her ex-boyfriend Paul tries to latch onto her again. Knowing Annie’s Bigfoot obsession, Paul suggests a Sasquatch scouting trip with their old buddy Jed, who is still a very gung ho amateur cryptozoologist.

Before long, Paul is openly baiting Ben, while Annie tries her best not to notice. With all the bickering, they do not notice an ominous third party is watching them. Is it Sasquatch or the creepy hunters they ran into? To put it in different terms, will the film payoff on its implied ‘Quatch promise or give us some Deliverance bait-and-switch?

Regardless, you have to respect any film giving a shoot out to its banjo arranger in the opening credits (that would be Ben Riesser, for the record). In fact, Stomping is surprising respectful in its portrayal of the American south. Likable Jed often skewers Ben’s inbred cannibal hillbilly stereotypes, at least when he is not worried they might be true in this case. Likewise, Annie is a reasonably level headed native Southerner, who is naturally comfortable around guns.

Nevertheless, Riesser and co-writer Andrew Genser seem to understand one of life’s profound truths. When things go down, even if it be in the woods, you want to stand next to a city guy, because we have the best developed survival instincts. Most New York and LA readers will therefore be able to relate to “Big City” Ben (played by John Bobeck, nicely balancing snark and earnest doofus-ness), because he is us.

If the Discovery Channel did not convince Sasquatch is out there, Stomping probably will not either, but it is a scrappy little indie comedy-drama with a fair degree of genre appeal. Riesser & Genser’s dialogue has a good snap to it and—not to beat a dead Sasquatch—the banjo and string band music is definitely cool. The absence of cheap shots is also a plus. Recommended for fans of relationship comedies with substantial cryptozoological interest, Stomping Ground screens this Sunday (6/8) as part of this year’s Dances With Films.