Marvin
Gable was once a ruthless hitman/enforcer. Now he is a real estate agent. Many
in New York would not draw much of an ethical distinction between the two, but
there is a world of difference in Milwaukee. Regardless, Gable’s old life comes
looking for him—on Valentine’s Day—in Jonathan Eusebio’s Love Hurts,
which opens tomorrow in theaters.
Gable
used to be his gangster brother Alvin “Knuckles” Gable’s chief assassin and
leg-breaker. However, he has worked quietly for several years as a real estate
agent, apparently keeping a low-profile, despite plastering his photo on bus
stop ads and yard signs throughout the city. This February 14th, he
gets a Valentine from Rose Carlisle, as do all his former associates.
He was
supposed to execute Carlisle and burry her in the quarry, but Gable let her go
instead, because he was smitten. Now she is back, hoping to reclaim her life,
under her real name. Obviously, Knuckles feels disappointed by his brother’s
deception, so he sends “The Raven” to collect information regarding her
whereabouts, which Gable does not yet know.
Fortunately,
she will soon find him, before Knuckles’ large bench of colorful hired-killers track
down either of them. M. Gable just wants Carlisle to disappear again for her
own safety, but she insists on somehow righting past wrongs.
Ke Huy
Quan is a real-deal accomplished martial artist, who has worked in the business
as a professional fight coordinator (including choreographing scenes for the HK
action movie The Avenging Fist). As a result, the many fight scenes are
considerably more brutally realistic than you might expect. Arguably, this film
might have played better if it had played it straight, because the comedy is
meh.
The
one-sheet proudly proclaims Love Hurt shares producers with Violent Night and Mr. Nobody, which probably means more to the Producer’s
Guild than everyday viewers. Yet, in this case, it looks like the screenplay
(credited to Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard, and Luke Passmore) was assembled out
of outtakes from those two films.
There
are some things that work well. Sean Astin (Quan’s co-star in The Goonies)
is terrific as Gable’s supportive boss, Cliff Cussick. Quan himself has a lot
of earnest charm, as well as impressive martial arts chops, as the new and
improved Gable. However, the chemistry he shares with Ariana DeBose (as
Carlisle) is tepid at best.
Roger Corman would have approved of this gimmick. Suckers People are always
interested in dinosaurs, but if they are invisible, you can save a lot on
special effects. Yet, rather surprisingly, it is Spielberg who gets regular
hat-tips and shoutouts rather than the King of the B’s in this dino-mash-up.
Even more shockingly, the results are consistently funny, but never cloyingly
campy throughout Mike Hermosa’s The Invisible Raptor, which opens this
Friday in theaters and on VOD.
Dr.
Grant Walker was once a promising paleontologist, but now he hosts attractions
at the Dinosaur Theme Park Museum. Unfortunately, some of the scents
will attract the invisible velociraptor that escapes from Dr. Wille Walsh’s
lab. If you are wondering how he created it, his assistant simply explains by
asking “have you seen Jurassic Park?”
Screenwriters
Mike Capes and Johnny Wickam frequently return to Spielbergian themes and
motifs, obviously including Walker’s Indy-ish hat. (There is also a little boy
named Elliott, and the list goes on.) However, Denny Denielson, the “Museum”
security guard, and his “shortcomings,” are not very Spielbergian. However,
Walker’s reconnection with his former college girlfriend Amber, during a time
of crisis, has plenty of precedent, but she still has more attitude than you
might expect. Yet, when it comes to attitude, Henrietta McCluckskey, the foul-mouthed
owner of a chicken farm, notorious for her bizarre late-night commercials, is
in a league by herself.
Somehow,
the unlikely gang of four will take a stand against the marauding invisible
raptor, but it is not easy for any of them to get their acts together. Of
course, the cops would be useless even under normal circumstance, so good luck
convincing them to look out for an invisible raptor.
Invisible
Raptor is
a bit uneven (shocker, I know), but it lands more often than not. There is
little mugging (except maybe sometimes from David Shackelford as Denielson, the
saddest trailer park redneck ever), because Capes and Wickam’s dialogue is usually
sufficiently funny to deliver straight. Likewise, the third act climax is
absolutely ridiculous, but it is also hilarious, because it makes twisted sense
in the context of the film.
