The Gardener, Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme

Gardeners have become a new breed of action hero, as per the trend established by the like-titled Spanish Netflix hitman series and Scrader’s Master Gardener. For the hardboiled killers haunted by their pasts, the Zen-like nature of their new work is therapeutic. However, they still handle sharp implements. Leo Apastegui (if that really is his name) will need those hedge clippers when a hit squad comes for his family in David Charhon’s The Gardener, which release today in theaters and on VOD.

Serge Shuster is an idiot who probably isn’t worth killing. Nevertheless, the presidential aide landed on the annual Matignon list of government officials his boss needs getting rid of. Unfortunately, the hapless bureaucrat was copied on a sensitive memo discussing said list—not that he gave it much thought.

Shuster is strictly comic relief, at its shtickiest. On the other hand, his gardener Apastegui is an expert in hand-to-hand combat and dirty work in general. He also used to live in the “old house” that once stood on the property, is he is familiar with the tunnels the Resistance dug under the garden during the war.

Van Damme still has the moves and the muscles, but Michael Youn is beyond annoying as Shuster. Frankly, he will remind viewers of Jed Babbin’s famous quote: “Going to war without France is like deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless noisy baggage behind.” Van Damme is Belgian.

Nevertheless, Jerome Le Banner, Matthias Quiviger, and Kaaris make a worthy trio of paramilitary bag guys, as the code-named Phoebus, Esmeralda, and Quasimodo. Yet, the fight choreography often undermines them and JCVD, because it is designed more for the novelty use of gardening tools than battles worthy of the cast’s talents. At least the Gardener’s final face-off with Phoebus lives up to fans’ expectations.

Arguably, Van Damme continues to play his age, much as he did in Bouncer and Darkness of Man. However, Charhon and his co-screenwriters Sebastien Fechner and Vincent De Brus pitch the humor at a level that is probably too young for a film as violent as The Gardener.

Frankly, Charhon’s execution is a tonal train-wreck. It is a shame to see Van Damme’s chops largely wasted during the jokey first half, but at least the back nine get more serious and largely let him do his thing. Nevertheless, enduring Youn’s act is always a chore. Not consistent enough to recommend, The Gardener releases today (6/6) on VOD and at the Glendale Laemmle.