The Family Plan, on Apple TV+

Any former assassin who lets the phony passports in his bug-out bag expire must be slipping. Indeed, Dan Morgan got way too comfortable in his new life as a husband, father, a salesman of “certified pre-owned” cars. Inevitably, his old life comes looking for him in Simon Cellan Jones’s The Family Plan, which premieres today on Apple TV+.

“Dan Morgan,” as he now calls himself, has convinced his wife Jessica that he is safe and boring. Then, somebody tries to kill him while he is shopping for groceries with their little rug rat. Realizing his old boss has found him, Morgan tries to convince his wife, their college-bound daughter Nina, and moody teen gamer son Kyle to leave on a spur-of-the-moment road trip to Las Vegas, where his old crony Augie will hook them up with fresh new identities.

Since he is afraid of how they will react to the truth, Morgan makes a great (and hopefully comedic) effort to shield them from the dangers pursuing them. Of course, his family starts to appreciate Morgan’s new spontaneous side. However, they are not so sure about his new found aversion to smart phones and social media.

Basically, screenwriter David Coggeshall starts with a familiar premise not radically dissimilar from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, True Lies, or various Korean rom-coms like My Girlfriend is an Agent, but he tries to mine it more for family-friendly comedy rather than action-driven thrills. There are a few decent fight sequences, featuring action veterans like Maggie Q, Lateef Crowder, and the star himself, Mark Wahlberg. However, the overall tone feels like it was targeted towards a younger demographic than even the PG-13 rating would suggest.

On the other hand, Wahlberg and Michelle Monaghan both look like they are in better shape for their characters’ impossible feats of daring than did Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. As the mysterious Gwen, Maggie Q acts like she is too cool for this film, which she probably is. However, Zoe Colletti and Van Crosby are both cringe-inducingly annoying as the teen Morgan siblings.

Frankly, the humor throughout Family Plan is excessively shticky and it never sufficiently commits to its action sequences. At least Coggeshall somewhat undercuts Nina Morgan’s abrasive social justice warrior pretentions with a cold dose of real life, which is something. The nearly two-hour running time would be long for just about any film that was not a Victor Hugo adaptation, but that is especially true in the case of Family Plan. It is just too familiar and too safe. Not recommended, The Family Plan starts streaming today (12/15) on Apple TV+.