World War Bigfoot: It is What it Sounds Like

For the men of the U.S.S. Indianapolis, sharks were deadlier than the Japanese torpedoes. Allied Prisoner of War in the Pacific also faced a similarly non-human threat from malaria-carrying mosquitos. However, in this fictionalized Ardennes, American troops had to contend with sasquatch-like creatures, as well as the Germans. Yes, this is one of those movies. There is plenty of hair, but, sadly, the fun is less plentiful in director-screenwriter Jason Mills’ World War Bigfoot, which releases tomorrow on VOD.

Given the campfire prologue, “Doc” obviously lives to tell his grandchildren this war story, thereby further reducing the potential suspense. Frankly, it is not exactly clear his small detachment was heading into the Ardennes. Regardless, it is a forested area along the front lines. Their objective is also vague. In fact, they have no idea what they mission is, but “Sarge” assures them it is top secret.

Inevitably, they clash with Nazi troops, whose commanding officer came for the same reason. He is equally obsessed with the Bigfoot-like creatures after seeing one first-hand. Apparently, during the late stage of the War, American sergeants and German junior lieutenants could just cut their own orders and requisition men, with no questions asked.

Indeed, their Bigfoot sightings drove both to psychosis. Doc even witnesses Sarge murdering one of his own men, who threatened to expose his madness. So much for the “Greatest Generation.” Mills prefers to depict the men who fought and died to save democracy as sadistic cutthroats—excepting of course, the conscientious objector medic, who quickly forms an alliance with his similarly enlightened German counterpart.

As a minimally-budgeted genre mashup, World War Bigfoot had two promising options. Go all in with outrageous gore and over-the-top comedy, or play it straight while inviting the audience to cheer for the American soldiers, against all enemies, foreign or cryptid. Instead, we get the worst of both options, a slow-moving, agonizingly self-serious film that openly posits a moral equivalency between the American and German Armies.

The best work comes from makeup artist-suit designer Anna Fox and fellow suit designer Robert M. Bravo. Their creatures look surprisingly great, despite the severe budget constraints. Honestly, this film does not deserve their inventiveness.

On the other hand, the cast is uniformly lifeless. Perhaps Johannes Whaley fares best as the German Medic (who was born to an American mother, in an attempted hedge for the U.S. audience). Regardless, the screenplay makes no sense whatsoever. It is hard to go off on a wild goose chase during a campaign like the Battle of the Bulge, even if the non-commissioned Sergeant thought he could “weaponize” the bigfoot—a dubious proposition neither he nor the fanatical German officer ever bother to claim.

Even if they are not the grandsons of a decorated WWII veteran (like myself), this film will probably rub most American viewers the rub way—and quite abrasively so. Based on what is on-screen, it is doubtful anyone involved in this production has any combat experience or even bothered to consult with those who served. Not recommended, World War Bigfoot releases tomorrow (5/19) on VOD.