Red One, on Prime Video

According to scientists, polar bears really belong at the top of the planetary food chain, because so many of them have a taste for eating people. Therefore, a big talking polar bear like Agent Garcia ought to provide all the protection Santa Claus needs. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is also considered fairly formidable for a mere mortal. Yet, somehow the bad guys still kidnap Santa while both ELF (Enforcement, Logistics, and Fortification) Agents were on the job. Even though he is only human, Johnson’s Callum Drift won’t take this threat to Christmas laying down, so he decides to flip the clueless hacker who helped facilitate the crisis in Jake Kasdan’s Red One, which starts streaming today on Prime Video.

Agent Drift intends to retire after this Christmas, so you know what that always means: trouble. Masked mercs abduct Santa spiriting him away through a hole in the North Pole security system. Of course, a blame-America-first leftist like Tulsi Gabbard would say Santa was asking for it, because of his security arrangement with NATO. Regardless, it took some serious computing power to detect the secret location of Santa’s workshop, but Bah-humbugging black-hat and self-described bounty-hunter Jack O’Malley inadvertently supplied the necessary data by hacking national science networks.

To avoid further beatings from Drift, O’Malley agrees to work with ELF to follow the trail of his anonymous client, who turns out to Gryla, the Icelandic winter witch. As a former associate of Santa’s adopted brother Krampus, she always believed Santa was too lenient on the “naughty-listers,” like O’Malley. By stealing Santa’s powers, she intends to finally deal out the punishment she believes they richly deserve.

Chris Morgan’s screenplay cleverly incorporates a lot of slightly macabre Christmas lore, including Gryla and Krampus. However, Kiernan Shipka’s portrayal of the Christmas witch and the special effects surrounding her are consistently overshadowed by the more colorful characters. That definitely includes Kristofer Hivju’s imposing Krampus, who is more grouch than demon.

In truth, nobody is more colorful than J.K. Simmons, who looks quite fit—and even downright cut—as old kris. Frankly, he makes cookies and milk look a better muscle building supplement than any GNC powder. As usual, Simmons can land a sharp one-liner, but his sarcasm is gentler this time around—because he is Santa. He also develops great chemistry with Bonnie Hunt, who really should have had more screentime as Mrs. Claus.

Of course, the Rock does his thing, which includes milking Drift’s humorlessness for humor. Basically, Johnson acts like the film is titled The Fast and the Jolly, which should be totally fine with his fans. It is also nice to see Lucy Liu get to kick some butt to as Zoe Harlow, the chief of the clandestine MORA (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority) agency. However, Chris Evans’ portrayal of O’Malley, the hacker and jerkweed absentee father, needed more charm and less smugness.

You Can’t Run Forever, Starring J.K. Simmons

A sheriff must be pretty bad if his electorate votes to recall him mid-term. In this case, it left two very junior deputies responding to calls on their own. Maybe that would not be so bad on average days, but Miranda is definitely not having a typical.day. A psycho is chasing her through the woods, killing anyone who crosses his path in Michelle Schumacher’s You Can’t Run Forever, which opens today in New York.

Viewers will get more details later, but Wade Bennett was always pretty jerky, so when he gets triggered, he sets off on a killing spree—and he hasn’t stopped yet. He follows Miranda and her stepdad Eddie from a rest-stop, killing him and chasing her into the forest.

To make matters worse, Miranda was already fragile. She never really recovered from finding her father’s body, after he committed suicide. However, she harbors no anger towards Eddie or her half sister Emily. They were both trying help her heel, but they are understandably distracted by her mother Jenny’s pregnancy. Eventually, Miranda manages to get a message to her mother, but it is all too clear Deputy Morgan and Deputy Dwyer are out of their depths, especially the latter. To be fair, they are also quite busy dealing with all the dead bodies Bennett leaves in his wake.

It should be noted Bennett did not intend to hunt Miranda for sport. He simply wants to kill her, even after she runs into the woods. This is not yet another Most Dangerous Game. Instead, it is another stalker movie, very much in the tradition of Paronnaud’s Hunted.

There are a lot of contrivances in Run Forever and some serious credibility issues. Bennett is older than I am, but somehow, he can cover vast distances in the blink of an eye. Admittedly, he is considerably more onery too. Yet, the film works to a surprising extent, because we genuinely care about the family in jeopardy. Schumacher and co-screenwriter Carolyn Carpenter exercise good judgment and wise restraint by not introducing an exploitative abuse subplot. To the contrary, Eddie is a good stepfather, who dies trying to protect Miranda. Consequently, his death has tragic resonance that makes viewers care, perhaps even in spite of themselves.

Schumacher also has J.K. Simmons growling and swaggering his way through the picture as Bennett. He still isn’t as scary as he was in Whiplash, but he is still seriously sinister. In fact, Schumacher has Simmons in real-life too, since they are married.

One Day as a Lion, Co-Starring Frank Grillo and J.K. Simmons

Pauly Russo would probably agree with Texans about why all their trees lean to the North. Adjusting to Oklahoma is a challenge for the Brooklyn mobster. The dry heat is annoying, but folks’ laidback sensibilities are even more so. His plan to whack a cowboy in no hurry to pay off his gambling debts leads to a lot of trouble for everyone in John Swab’s One Day as a Lion, which opens today in select theaters and releases Friday on VOD.

Jackie Powers is a big time loser, but it is actually his son Billy who is behind bars. Technically, it is juvy, but Powers knows if he can’t get his son out quickly, he will get chewed up by the system. To earn money for an attorney, Powers agrees to kill Walter Boggs, who owes Russo more than is good for business. Unfortunately, Powers makes a hash of it, accidentally killing an obnoxious short-order cook in the crossfire. Of course, Boggs is fine—and he will be ready for Russo when the gangster-creditor comes calling.

Assuming himself to be on the run, Powers tries to take Lola Brisky the diner waitress hostage, but he cannot really handle her either. However, Brisky sees an opportunity to use him for her advantage. If he can convince her judgmental but wealthy mother Valerie, “the Black Widow,” they are a couple, there could be money in it for both of them. To do so, they must evade Russo’s fixer, Dom Lorenzo, who needs Powers to give himself up, to take the heat off Russo’s outfit.

In the 1990s, when “indie film” was thought to mean something, screenwriter-star Scott Caan’s combination of hardboiled snarky dialogue and gritty gunplay would have been considered an important cinematic statement. Today, it’s the stuff of straight-to-VOD releases. Yet, this kind of material can be just as entertaining now as it was then.

To that end, Caan’s script is just okay, but three of his co-stars do a lot to elevate it. Frank Grillo and J.K. Simmons are perfectly cast and impeccably compliment each as the brash Russo and the sly, deadpan Boggs. The two do gangster attitude better than just about anyone.

Glorious, on Shudder

This film makes “sparing a square” look like not such a big favor after all—not that there is any toilet paper in this disgusting rest-stop bathroom. Hungover Wes isn’t making it any cleaner, either, but his neighbor in the adjoining stall will really make things messy in Rebekah McKendry’s Glorious, which premieres tomorrow on Shudder.

Wes was on the road, missing his ex, Brenda, but she wasn’t taking his calls. In retrospect, it was probably a mistake to get blind, stinking drunk at the lonely rest-stop and then burn his pants in a bonfire, but it apparently seemed like the thing to do at the time. As a result, he is in pretty bad shape when the voice of Farmers Insurance starts talking to him from the stall next door. There happens to be a hole in the wall, but it cautions him not to look, claiming its appearance would drive Wes mad.

The voice Wes will call Ghat claims to be something truly Lovecraftian and it certainly seems to have that kind of supernatural powers. Forr one thing, Ghat can get inside of Wes’s head, interrupting the memories he tries to retreat into. It wants something from Wes, and only Wes. Nobody else is invited to Ghat’s party.

Glorious is often pretty gross, but also pretty clever. McKendry deftly exploits the claustrophobia of the setting and its inherent ickiness. What really makes the film though is J.K. Simmons, whose voice is absolutely perfect for the commanding, yet weirdly ingratiating Ghat. This is probably the best voiceover performance of the year, even including most animated films.

Ryan Kwanten is similarly well-cast as the depressed and degenerate Wes. Just looking at him makes you want to take an Alka Seltzer. He also presumably carried on a pretty intense one-sided conversation, given Ghat’s crazy talk must have been recorded separately. Professionals do that all the time, but he had to reach some manic extremes.

Invincible, Animated on Prime Video

You might think Ironman’s longtime association with the superlative “Invincible” would preclude other superheroes from using it, but you can’t trademark a commonly used word. Besides, Mark Grayson and his super alter-ego were published by Image Comics, independent of the Marvel Universe. “Invincible” seemed like a good name to him when he received his powers, but his early outings as costumed superhero suggest he is anything but in creators Robert Kirkman, Ryan Ottley, and Cory Walker’s Invincible, the new animated series based on their popular comic book, which premieres this Friday on Prime Video.

Most kids idolize the Avengers-like Guardians of the Globe, but Mark Grayson is a bigger fan of their independent ally, Omni-Man, because that is his dad. He currently goes by the alias Nolan Grayson, but Omni-Man is an alien from the world of Viltrumite. Mark is a late-bloomer, whose powers just kicked in, but he seems to be able to fly as well as take and give super beat-downs. He is not quite Ralph Hinkley, but he is still a little unsteady when exercising his powers.

Unfortunately, Mark, a.k.a. Invincible, is about to be thrown into the deep end when a huge franchise-shaking event sidelines the Guardians and his father. At least the Teen Team is willing to temporarily team-up with him, especially Atom Eve, who in her civilian life, happens to attend Grayson’s high school, as the popular Samantha Eve Wilkins.

Based on the three episodes Amazon supplied to reviewers, it is pretty clear why Invincible has been one of Image’s marquee titles. It clearly tweaks the tropes of superhero comics just enough to be subversive, while staying true to the conventions that attract fans to the genre in the first place. Invincible is likely to be compared to The Boys, because it also features incidents of shockingly graphic violence. However, Invincible has none of its Amazon stablemate’s jaded cynicism. In fact, Mark Grayson is more closely akin to vintage Peter Parker, in the way he struggles to balance his teen angst with superhero responsibilities.

The colorful and dynamic animation also hits the right notes. Arguably, it is two or three degrees superior to the quality of old school Saturday morning superhero cartoons, but not so far-removed fans won’t get a nostalgic fix from it. Kirkman, Ottley, Walker, and co-writer Simon Racioppa tell a good story and fill it with intriguing fantastical characters. The big-name voice cast mostly does them justice, especially J.K. Simmons, who dips into his snarky Whiplash and authoritative Farmers Insurance bags for the commanding tones of Omni-Man (and Nolan Grayson).

21 Bridges: Boseman Protects and Serves

In this street-smart New York manhunt thriller, the cops deeply resent the grandstanding mayor, who has often thrown them under the bus. Yes, you can definitely say it is “ripped from the headlines”—recent headlines. We soon suspect a cabal of dirty cops could be the ultimate cause of all the trouble, so it is also ripped from 1970’s Serpico era headlines as well. Det. Andre Davis has a reputation for unholstering his firearm, making him the perfect point-man to track down two desperate cop-killers, but he turns out to be more of a loose cannon than anyone bargained for in Brian Kirk’s 21 Bridges, which opens today nationwide.

Ray Jackson and Michael Trujillo thought they had been recruited to steal 30 kilos of cocaine, but they find 300 kilos instead. For them, that is way too much of a “good thing.” Almost immediately thereafter, a firefight ensues with four Brooklyn cops, who did not arrive responding to any calls, before getting blown away by the better armed criminals. Subsequently, they fatally shoot four more officers legitimately dispatched to the scene, fleeing into Manhattan, in search of a buyer and a money-launderer. It is a mess that the local precinct captain and the deputy chief want Davis to clean up—permanently.

Given the considerable quantity of uncut coke recovered, local drug squad detective Frankie Burns will ride shotgun with Davis, whether he likes it or not. She seems tough enough, but many of her trigger-happy colleagues keep getting in his way. Nevertheless, Davis steadily closes in on his targets, thanks to his strategy the useless mayor agrees to implement. Every tunnel, train, ferry, and bridge (yes, all 21 of them) providing access out of Manhattan will be locked-down from 1:00 to 5:00 (so as not to interrupt the financial markets).

Basically, screenwriters Adam Mervis and Matthew Michael Carnahan want the audience to hate cops. However, their propaganda campaign is sabotaged by the steely but charismatic performance of their star, Chadwick Boseman. His intense screen presence is still acutely human, winning over viewer’s sympathy and largely carrying the film. Boseman and Sienna Miller, as Burns, nicely play good cop-bad cop together, but it is debatable which is which.

American Renegades: Navy SEALs Pull a Caper for Bosnia

Navy SEALs are terrific at overthrowing dictators and re-establishing peace, but they are not so skilled at nation-building. However, this team is willing to do a little outside-the-box thinking. The plan (half-baked though it might be) is to recover 300 million dollars-worth of Nazi gold for Bosnian reconstruction efforts—minus their cut. Of course, the clock is ticking and the Bosnian Serbs are out for payback in Steven Quale’s American Renegades (trailer here), which opens this Friday in select theaters.

It gets a little messy, but Matt Barnes’ SEAL team manages to capture and extract a Serbian general right under the noses of his men. The getting in is easy, the getting out involves a tank battle on the streets of mid-1990s Sarajevo. Levin, the joint-operational commander, pretends to rebuke them, but it is definitely a wink-wink-nudge-nudge reprimand. Yet, there are presumably limits to his indulgence. Therefore, the SEALs will do their best to keep it on the downlow when they agree to run an off-the-books mission with both altruistic and mercenary motives.

Stanton Baker, Barnes’ next-in-command has fallen in love with Lara Simic, a local woman working as a waitress, who hopes to help support her country’s reconstruction with her newly incorporated non-profit. She also has some creative fund-raising ideas. As a young boy, her grandfather saw exactly where the National Socialists locked away a shipment of plundered French gold. Shortly thereafter, the resistance blew the local damn, submerging the gold under a new, picturesque lake. Of course, Barnes and his men are at their best under water.

In contrast, this film works much better when it is on dry land. Frankly, the opening action sequence is a lot of rollicking good fun, but the underwater sequences are problematically murky. We can often see when two people are fighting, but we can only hope a good guy wins, whichever one he might be.

Still, you have to give co-screenwriters Luc Besson and Richard Wenk credit for choosing sides, unlike the Peacemaker, which featured a deliberately vague “Balkan” terrorist. In this case, the Bosnians are on the side of the angels and the villains are Serbian, so just deal with it. It is also worth noting that Besson and his French film company EuropaCorp have produced probably the most sympathetic depiction of the American military released in theaters this year.

As you might expect, the best part of the film is J.K. Simmons strutting, bellowing, and just generally hamming it up as Levin. He is always fun to watch and Strike Back’s Sullivan Stapleton makes a nicely understated foil in their scenes together. Unfortunately, there is a lot of time wasted on requisitioning gear and that sort of housekeeping business.

Thanks to Simmons, American Renegades will be a pleasant streaming distraction, but there is nothing special about it as an action movie. We appreciate its respect for the American military personnel who served during the Balkan conflict, but most viewers can wait until it hits iTunes on December 25^th (making the Yuletide bright). In the meantime, it opens this Friday (12/21) in New York, at the Cinema Village.

Murder of a Cat: a Good Use of a Crossbow

Cats do not have a lot of charm, but they have the virtue of being disposable pets. If you are moving, just dump your old one out on a street corner and pick up a new one when you get to town. I kid, of course. Nevertheless, most people find it slightly excessive when Clinton Moisey turns his cat’s premature demise into a blood vendetta. Fear not, the cozy quirkiness never turns hard-boiled in Gillian Greene’s Murder of a Cat (trailer here), which opens this Friday in New York.

Moisey’s only job is the semi-regular yard sale he mismanages. Fortunately, his indulgent mother lets him leech at home, watching Who’s the Boss re-runs in his bathrobe. Perhaps even his beloved feline Mouser gets tired of him. It turns out, Mouser was two-timing Moisey with a different owner, the tattooed Greta, a would-be stylist who lives cheaply in the local retirement home. Moisey and Greta never knew of each other until Mouser has a fatal run-in crossbow bolt.

It turns out that bolt came from the “Sure Shot,” a fancy new crossbow only sold at Ford’s, the local big box store. Both grieving cat lovers have some history with the mass merchandiser. Moisey blames it for the failure of his short-lived comic bookstore, whereas Greta was once an assistant manager, before precipitously quitting. Moisey will try to get to the bottom of the murky dealings at Ford’s, while Greta fruitlessly counsels discretion.

The two best things about Cat are the retro one-sheet clearly inspired by Saul Bass’s iconic Anatomy of a Murder poster and Deborah Lurie’s lively Elmer Bernstein-esque score, featuring some effervescent trumpet solos by Matt Von Roderick. It’s not Ellington, but we take what we can get. If you consider these things rather tangential, so be it.

As Moisey, Fran Kranz probably couldn’t possibly be any more annoying and nasally. At least Twilight franchise survivor Nikki Reed brings some energy to the film, but there are no sparks with Kranz. Oscar contending J.K. Simmons is a good sport as Sheriff Hoyle, but viewers will dearly wish to see him unleash his inner Terence Fletcher on Moisey. Blythe Danner also escapes with her dignity playing Mother Moisey, but only Leonardo Nam really distinguishes himself as Yi Kim, the flamboyantly villainous Ford’s stock-boy.

Cat might have sounded funny on paper, but the execution is too cutesy and comfy. Granted, the film essentially suggests Moisey should grow up and get a job, but the man-child stock character is just getting tired in general. Way too safe, Murder of a Cat is maybe something Hallmark Channel viewers might enjoy when it opens tomorrow (12/5) in New York, at the Village East.

Sundance ’14: Whiplash (the feature)

The late lamented IAJE’s annual conference-jazz gathering used to be such a breath of fresh air, because you could see the enthusiasm young high school kids have for America’s great original musical art form.  In the case of Andrew Neiman, there is a dark side to that passion—personified by a ruthlessly manipulative band director.  There will literally be blood on the drum kit in Damien Chazelle’s Whiplash, an opening night selection of the 2014 Sundance Film Festival.

If the nebbish Neiman and the Mephistophelean Terence Fletcher sound familiar, it is because they first appeared in Chazelle’s proof-of-concept short, which won the short film jury award at last year’s Sundance and went on to screen at NYFF. Concept proved. That harrowing trial-by-fire is replayed in the feature length Whiplash with a new Neiman, but the irreplaceable J.K. Simmons returns as Fletcher.

Forget Simmons’ character in Oz—Fletcher is far scarier.  He out Buddy Riches Buddy Rich.  Unfortunately, as the director of a Juliard-like music college’s concert jazz big band, he holds tremendous power to help or hinder aspiring musicians.  Needless to say, when Neiman gets his first supposed shot playing with Fletcher’s Studio Band, it is a disaster.  Of course, the kid is set-up to fail when he is thrown head first into Hank Levy’s “Whiplash,” a chart that looks like differential equations translated into Sanskrit.  However, Neiman craves Fletcher’s approval so badly, he will work his fingers to the bone practicing the twisty flag-waver.

Whiplash the short was a nifty piece of jazz-informed filmmaking, but it exceeds all expectations as a feature.  Once again, Simmons is the engine making it all run.  His Fletcher is a natural cinematic successor to R. Lee Ermy’s drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and Jack Nicholson’s Col. Jessup in A Few Good Men—for real.  Yet, there is a reason for his abusive-borderline sociopathic behavior.  Even more than in the predecessor short, Chazelle’s full length script and Simmons’ performance make it clear Fletcher is always true to the music in his fashion.

While some might be troubled by Fletcher’s homophobic taunts (actually, you’re sort of supposed to be), this is the one area jazz has not historically been a trailblazer for tolerance.  Indeed, many have compared big band outfits to military units and viewers can understand how so from many scenes in Whiplash.

To his credit, Miles Teller also really digs in as Neiman.  There is nothing cute or quirky about his work.  In fact, it is downright painful watching him cower and cringe.  He also looks convincing with the sticks.  Chazelle, the former jazz drummer, probably gave him a few pointers. After all, Whiplash is based on his own experiences with a martinet bandleader (loosely so, we can only hope).

Frankly, Chazelle has done the near impossible, getting Sony to care about jazz.  It is sort of a coming of age story, but it does not exactly wrap things up in a neat little bow. Regardless, it is a major statement from Chazelle.  He really opens it up as a director, staging an unusually dynamic and dramatic climatic concert.  By the same token, his script rings with truth and attitude, particularly for those who are in anyway familiar with jazz education.  The result is a smart, stylish film that swings like mad.  Highly recommended, Whiplash screens again today (1/17), Wednesday (1/22), and Thursday (1/23) in Park City and Saturday (1/18) in Salt Lake as part of the 2014 Sundance Film Festival.

NYFF ’13: Whiplash (short)

He is a big band director who out Buddy Riches Buddy Rich. While Rich’s band members always contended the famous drummer’s profane bark was worse than his bite, Fletcher is a dread terror with a baton.  One freshman drummer learns this the hard way in Damien Chazelle’s Whiplash, which screens as part of Shorts program 3 at the 51^st New York Film Festival.

It is Andrew Neiman’s first day with the jazz orchestra of an elite conservatory.  He will do newby stuff like tuning the kit and turning pages, but he will also get a turn with the sticks. It will be a real trial by fire.  Before he even gets his shot, Neiman will witness one band-member getting the public ax.  The choice of tune will not do him any favors either.  It will be Hank Levy’s “Whiplash” (which Don Ellis recorded on his Soaring album).  An arranger and composer for the Ellis and Stan Kenton big bands, Levy often experimented with odd time signatures, while delivering the big sounds those leaders were known for.  Good luck, kid.

Even though the portrait of Rich hanging above him would seem to signify good luck, Neiman is in for it. However, Whiplash has already had considerable good fortune.  An expanded feature film version is proceeding on track after it won the short film jury award at this year’s Sundance. While high profile executive producers like Jason Reitman and Jason “Insidious” Blum did not hurt, its real trump card is the jaw-dropping work of J.K. Simmons.

Recognizable from jillions of supporting parts (including J. Jonah Jameson in the Spiderman franchise), Simmons calls and raises both Buddy Rich and former Drill Sergeant R. Lee Ermy.  As Fletcher, he is certainly intimidating, but also disturbingly manipulative. Yet, viewers cannot write him off completely, because there is very clearly a passion for the music burning within him.  Regardless of what you make of the character, it is a tour de force performance from Simmons.

The late Hank Levy also deserves credit for helping Whiplash the movie work.  Even (or especially) to a non-musician, his composition sounds hard to play and the chart looks impossible.  Yet, the Hank Levy Legacy Band still swings it hard for the film’s soundtrack.

Musician turned filmmaker Chazelle is clearly intimately acquainted with this world.  His stylish feature debut, Guy and Madeline on a Park Bench also employed jazz, while shrewdly examining the private lives of musicians. He also co-wrote the screenplay for The Last Exorcism Part II, so there’s range for you.

The eighteen minute Whiplash might feel like a brief episode in a longer story (because it more or less is), but it is an encounter that will resonate deeply for many former music students (and they have our sympathies).  However, everyone should be able to appreciate Simmons’ virtuoso turn and anyone with open ears can dig the use of the title tune.  Highly recommended in its short film form, Whiplash screens this Thursday (10/10) at the Howard Gilman Theater, as part of the 2013 NYFF’s Shorts Program 3.