The Toxic Avenger, Starring Peter Dinklage

He was born in a notoriously violent and grotesque Troma movie. Less than seven years later, he was starring in a children’s cartoon. It didn’t last long, because what’s haye point of watching Toxie if he can’t stuff a bullying bad guy’s hands into a deep fryer? In the original films, his name varied from Melvin Ferd to Melvin Junko, so giving him a fresh name change to Winston Gooze is really no big deal. Regardless, he will experience plenty of body horror while in engaging in gruesome acts of payback throughout director-screenwriter Macon Blair’s rebooted The Toxic Avenger, which opens tomorrow in theaters.

Poor Gooze is still a put-upon janitor (wielding a trusty mop), who is done wrong by life in general and his boss, mobbed-up nutritional supplement tycoon Bob Garbinger in particular. First, Garbinger’s company rejects his insurance claim for life-saving treatment. Then his thugs beat Gooze and leave him for dead in a vat of toxic goo. Frankly, that last part was an honest misunderstanding. They were supposed to kill J.J. Doherty, a whistle-blower collecting evidence of Garbinger’s dangerously foul environmental practices. Gooze just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Although Gooze looks like a giant oozing disfigured freak, he now has superhuman strength and healings powers, which are obviously handy traits for a vigilante. Yet, Gooze fears his new twisted form will further traumatize his stepson Wade, who is still reeling from his mother’s death (prior to the start of the picture).

Troma still co-produced Blair’s reboot and studio chief Lloyd Kaufman even makes a Stan Lee-style cameo, but civilians who are not fanatically devoted to the indie studio will be happy to have more cooks in the kitchen. As a result, the new film is not quite as cartoonishly vicious as Troma’s vintage 1980’s releases, including the original 1984 film. Admittedly, “watered-down” is not a term many critics will apply to Macon’s reboot, but it does not quite have the same ferocity, which is a good thing.

In fact, there are flashes of pleasantly dry wit, delivered with appropriate cynical world-weariness by Peter Dinklage. He has a great voice for voice-overs. Frankly, based on his intro, he would probably make a terrific Batman for the DC Animated Universe. He also helps humanize Gooze, even when Luisa Guerrero takes over as the body of the Toxic Avenger.

The Bondsman, on Prime Video

You cannot get much more Country than a singing bail bondsman. Like Charlie Daniels, Hub Halloran will have some seriously demonic encounters down in Georgia. Unfortunately, instead of beating the Devil, Halloran is stuck working for him in creator Grainger David’s eight-episode Blumhouse-produced The Bondsman, which premieres tomorrow on Prime Video.

Halloran took over his mother Kitty’s bail bond business, but at one time, he harbored musical ambitions, like his ex-wife Maryanne Dice. Her career is poised for a resurgence, but something went very wrong for him. Actually, a lot went wrong for him. Long story short, her “reformed” Boston mobster boyfriend Lucky Callahan had his thugs murder Halloran. He was Hell-bound, but the infernal organization sent him back to Earth to recapture demons that escaped from downstairs.

The bondsman’s equally damned Earthly supervisor Midge Kusatsu makes it clear this is only a temporary reprieve. Eternal torment awaits, but at least he can secure some closure with his son Cade, whose own musical talent Halloran never properly encouraged. Of course, he would also like a little payback from Callahan. Plus, there is the matter of the mysterious unforgivable sin that condemned him in the first place. Halloran is cagey whenever his mother asks, having discovered the demonic nature of his new business. Unfortunately, Callahan strongly suspects the truth.

Of course, Halloran keeps hoping he can find a loop-hole to wriggle out of his infernal dilemma, Instead, he uncovers evidence the jailbreaks from Hell are part of something even bigger that could potentially trigger the End of Days.

Kevin Bacon is perfectly cast as flinty old Halloran and Beth Grant is frequently hilarious as Grandma Kitty. They develop totally believable chemistry as mother and son. Australian thesp Damon Herrimon is also spectacularly sleazy and slimy as Callahan. Frankly, he is so entertainingly villainous, he inadvertently makes Jennifer Nettles and Maxwell Jenkins look like idiots playing Maryanne and Cade. They must be denser than diamonds not to see what a creep Herrimon’s Callahan so obviously is.

Regardless, it is jolly good fun to watch Bacon scowl, grimace wearily, and then blast demons back to the inferno they came from. However, instead of building to a big crescendo, the concluding episode sort of deflates. It also lacks any sense of closure whatsoever, which is frustrating (especially if there is no season two). Arguably, this is another series that should have been one or two episodes tighter.

Still, the mordant black humor is quite amusing, particularly the management structure for Hell’s operations, which is indeed quite Hellish. The tone of the writing produced by David, showrunner Erik Oleson, and Satinder Kaur perfectly suits Bacon and Grant.

Prachya Pinkaew’s Elephant White

In Thailand, you might just find a monastery next to a sex club. That will be handy for Curtie Church, a former “Agency” assassin who has gone freelance. He basically lives like a monk and he has taken on one of Thailand’s nastiest human trafficking gangs as his latest target. It starts out as a job, but it quickly turns personal in Prachya Pinkaew’s Elephant White, which airs on Bounce TV.

A grieving father, whose daughter was abducted and ultimately killed by the Chang Cao gang has hired Church to kill some of the gang and frame their rival Jong Ang gang, in retribution. Church might not fully believe him, but the more he learns about both gangs, the more intent he is on destroying them. He also finds an unexpected source of intel when Mae follows him back to the monastery belltower, where he has been hiding out.

It turns out Mae was once one the women held in slavery by the Chang Cao. After somehow escaping their brothels, she has led a devout, Zen-like life, which gives her an affinity for Church’s hosts. Of course, she does not approve of his guns-blazing approach to problem-solving. Fortunately, Church also knows “Jimmy the Brit,” an old Agency colleagues who is now making a killing as an arms dealer. Jimmy is a sleazy horndog, but when push comes to shove, the crimes of the Chang Caos and Jong Angs do not sit well with him either (and Church will push and shove him plenty).

Somehow, Elephant White initially flew under the radar with fans, even though it was helmed by Pinkaew, the action auteur who helmed the first Ong Bak and The Protector films. It also features Kevin Bacon shamelessly chewing the scenery and doing the weirdest Scott Adkins accent. Yet, it all works perfectly, especially when he is paired up with the strong, silent, and physically imposing Djimon Housou as Hunter.

Space Oddity: Kyra Sedgwick Directs Kevin Bacon

Everyone knows SpaceX will beat NASA to Mars by decades, if not centuries. A new start-up plans to do it sooner. Nobody has ever heard of them, which should signal problems to their prospective recruits. Nevertheless, Alex McAllister is eager to go. Supposedly, they can make the journey cheaper, because their colonists are only going one way. For the depressed twentynothing, that is a feature rather than a bug. He is still probably the only person who believes he is Mars-bound in Kyra Sedgwick’s Space Oddity, which opens tomorrow in New York.

McAllister is still openly grieving the accidental death of his popular big brother, for which he partially blames himself. At least training for the Mars mission has given him a renewed sense of purpose, or so his mousy mother tells herself. On the other hand, his father Jeff is openly skeptical of the mission. He would much prefer his son take over the family flower farm, since his brother cannot and his sister Liz moved away to become a high-powered corporate PR flak.

Since he will be dead to the world, part of McAllister’s preparations involve purchasing life insurance—nobody bothers to explain just how his heirs would produce a death certificate to collect. The box needs to be checked regardless, so he walks down to Mike Taylor’s insurance office, where his daughter now works. Daisy Taylor already had an annoying meet-cute with McAllister, so she indulgently tries to craft a policy for his unusual circumstances. The more they see of each other, the more she thinks she might like him, but he still isn’t ready to rejoin life on Earth.

Alexandra Shipp is enormously charismatic, so it is altogether unfathomably that she could fall for a loser like McAllister. As awkwardly portrayed by Kyle Allen, McAllister hardly seems capable of tying his own shoes. Frankly, walking and chewing gum at the same time would be well beyond him, let alone astronaut training. Not surprisingly, his chemistry with Shipp is unconvincing, despite her game efforts.

Sundance ’15: Cop Car

Seriously, does anyone still think keeping the car keys under the sun visor is a good idea? If anyone ought to know better, it should be a corrupt sheriff. Regardless, while burying a body, he leaves them in that conveniently obvious place for two mischievous ten year-olds. A dangerous joyride commences in Jon Watts’ Cop Car, which screened at the 2015 Sundance Film Festival.

When you see Kevin Bacon playing a sheriff, you have to think he ought to be out there arresting kids for dancing. Instead, Sheriff Kretzer is in bed with a number of dodgy underworld types. Travis and Harrison just happened to blunder along at the right time to take his cruiser for a spin. Obviously, this is trouble for Kretzer. He can hardly explain why he was in the middle of scrub grass nowhere in the first place, let alone how he could allow his wheels to be swiped out from under him.

However, by claiming a faulty radio, he can get dispatch calling in regularly on his cell, as he madly dashes home, while still pretending to be on patrol. Eventually, Kretzer starts tracking the kids in his own pick-up, but troublesome witnesses will inevitably cross their paths.

As Travis and Harrison, James Freedson-Jackson and Hays Wellford really look and sound like real life kids (as they are), trying their darnedest to act tough through foul language and what they think is cool posturing. Watts taps into a sort of archetypal Stand By Me-Huck Finn youth-on-the-fateful-road vibe that gives the film more resonance than one might expect. Kevin Bacon is also entertainingly sleazy and cunning as Kretzer. Unfortunately, the film is more than a tad underwritten, with a fair amount of time-killing required in between its inspired scenes.

Camryn Manheim and Shea Whigham do what they can with their small, near cameo roles, but they do not provide much connective help in the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. Cinematographers Matthew J. Lloyd and Larkin Seiple capture the big expansive emptiness of the Colorado plains and highways. Frankly, we can understand how the boys could do something so rash and potentially hazardous out of unsupervised boredom. Despite pacing issues, Cop Car is recommended for its atmosphere and Bacon’s salty turn, following its recent premiere at this year’s Sundance Film Festival.