The Fall Guy: Elvira Meets Colt Seavers

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, was quite familiar with John Carradine’s work. She featured several of his less prestigious “films” on Movie Macabre (to be fair, The Monster Club isn’t so bad). Fortunately, he probably never noticed or cared, whereas Elvira never embarrassed easily. Whether there was tension or not, they both guest-starred on “October the 31^st,” one of two Halloween episodes of The Fall Guy, which mostly likely will not be covered in the new movie reboot—but it screens through May 5th at the Paley Center.

In the “31^st,” Seavers and his proteges, Jody Banks and Howie Munson, are working on a horror movie so schlocky, it even mortifies its star, Elvira. However, she sees a silver lining in the manly slab of masculinity that is Colt Seavers. Throughout the episode, she makes it clear she has one thing in mind, with dialogue so suggestive, it is almost single entendre.

The production contracted to shoot on-location in the spooky Deauville mansion, because the old couple desperately needs the money. Nevertheless, grumpy old Preston Deauville remains adamantly opposed to their presence, because he worries someone might discover his secret. His opinion does not change, even after his untimely death. In fact, Munson and Banks worry Deauville is haunting the production from beyond the grave.

The ”31^st” holds the distinction for featuring the only on-camera appearance of the entire Carradine acting family together in one scene, when the three Carradine brothers play servants old man Deauville reluctantly lays-off. The senior Carradine is just as regally hammy as fans would hope playing Deauville.

However, the Elvira and Colt show is what drives this episode. Frankly, it is surprisingly they got away with all the wink-wink naughtiness in early 1980s primetime. Of course, Cassandra Peterson was delighted. Reportedly, she was frustrated when producers forced her to tone her Elvira persona when she previously guested on network series. In contrast, creator Glen A. Larson and episode writer Samm Egan let Elvira be Elvira. That led to Egan getting the gig writing Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, the 1988 feature, and Elvira returning to The Fall Guy the next year, in “October the 32^nd.”

Renegades, Co-Starring Lee Majors and Patsy Kensit

These retired mercs fancy themselves the old-timer version of “The Wild Geese,” which is saying something, considering how haggard the hard-living Richard Burton and Richard Harris looked in that 1978 movie. The crusty old Londoners are probably twenty years older, but they look healthier. That is fortunate, because they will have some work cut out for them in Daniel Zirilli’s Renegades, which releases tomorrow on VOD.

Maj. Carver just moved his former subordinate Burton off the streets and into his home, because the veteran officer never leaves one of his men behind. Carver is pretty American-sounding, but his daughter is all British. Judy Carver was even elected a local councilor. In representing her district, she made trouble with the cops for Anthony Goram’ criminal outfit. Carver intended to warn off the interloping foreign (from parts undefined) gangster, but his thugs killed the Major instead.

Obviously, Burton and Carver’s old comrades (and fellow support group members) Peck, Woody, and Harris do not take kindly to that, so they round up all the weapons they can scrounge (including a crossbow) to take the fight to Goram. They do a pretty good job of it, especially since Inspector Moore (who is investigating their mayhem) has to call in favors from her CIA contact (a cameo appearance for Michael Pare) to figure out what is going on.

That is pretty much all there is to Renegades, which wouldn’t be so bad, if Zirilli’s direction were smoother. His strictly dramatic scenes have an awkwardness that must embarrass his experienced cast, especially the great Lee Majors, who brings a gravitas to the film that it doesn’t deserve, as the Major. As Judy Carver, Patsy Kensit (from Lethal Weapon 2 and Angels and Insects) is stuck in several dull scenes opposite Nick Moran’s impassive Burton that must have been a chore for them to plod through.

Apocalypse Imminent: Jerusalem Countdown

Here’s a wild premise: the Arab countries of the Middle East have united to annihilate Israel. Shocking, right? Believe it or not, Russia supports their cabal. Moreover, it is all foretold in Biblical prophecy. Perhaps that last part lost you, but it is rather central to Harold Cronk’s Evangelical thriller Jerusalem Countdown (trailer here), inspired by the book of the same title by Pastor John Hagee, which opens across the country, except New York City, this Friday.

Arlyn Rockwell is a smuggler, not a mass murder. That is why he reaches out to FBI agent Shane Daughtry after completing his latest assignment. Though initially skeptical of the old good old boy, he is convinced when an assassin comes calling. It seems Rockwell’s fateful job involved several suitcase sized objects. Yet, that is just part of the conspiracy. Daughtry and his former partner (at the Bureau and in ill-concealed romantic tension) Eve Rearden also learn an imminent attack will be made on the Israeli delegation to the latest orchestrated attempt to strong-arm the country into giving up more land, euphemistically called peace talks.

Meanwhile, a failed writer grows increasingly suspicious of his new Iranian neighbors. Suspecting something nefarious, he starts nipping over to have a looksee, cleverly asking the menacing Javed if he could borrow a cup of weaponized plutonium.

Compared to the last explicitly Evangelical film reviewed here, Countdown represents an enormous step forward in professionalism. In many respects, it is a perfectly respectable B-movie (never a term of derision around these parts), with some nicely produced action sequences.

As the lead protagonist, David A.R. White (whose credits include a recurring role on Evening Shade) is a credible and engaging protagonist. Likewise, Anna Zielinski projects a smart, charismatic screen presence as Rearden. Countdown even features Lee “The Six Million Dollar Fall Guy” Majors as Rockwell, which is totally cool. Indeed, for the most part, the ensemble cast is at least professional grade, if not considerably better.

Unfortunately, the proselytizing sequences still play more than a little clunky. To its credit, there is a surprisingly effective scene in which the agnostic agents Daughtry and Rearden start professing doubt in their doubt. However, the scenes of the writer’s wife hard-selling him her faith get repetitive quickly. Frankly, they are naggy both for his character and the audience.

To an extent though, such interludes are too be expected. What is truly disappointing about Countdown is the way in which it casts certain American intelligence personnel as villains. We expect that of Hollywood, but when Evangelical films start demonizing the CIA, what hope is there for agency supporters?

Though none of Countdown takes place in Israel, we do hear the Israeli Prime Minister cogently explain how much land Israel has already given up for peace, only to receive war and terrorism in return. In that respect, the film is quite timely, particularly when the current administration’s position of the day seems to be a return to the pre-1948 borders.

In fact, there is some decent international intrigue afoot, up until the big finish, which will limit the film’s appeal outside the Evangelical community. Regardless, credit is still due to White and Zielinski for keeping viewers focused and vested throughout. A lighter touch would have better served the story, but for the Empire State faithful, Countdown opens tomorrow (8/26) at the Newburgh Showtime Cinemas and at churches and theaters across the country.