The Protector 2: The Elephant Man Returns

Elephants have long held special cultural significance in Thailand, as symbols of both the royal family and Buddhism. Yet, for Kham, Korhn is no mere pachyderm. He is his spiritual brother. There is no better way to stress him out than kidnapping Korhn. For some strange reason, a shadowy MMA cabal does exactly that—again—in Prachya Pinkaew’s The Protector 2 (trailer here), which opens this Friday in New York.

One afternoon, an elephant dealer’s sketchy lackeys drop by, offering what they consider a ridiculously generous price for Korhn. Naturally, after telling them off, Kham pops down to the market, leaving his elephant home alone. Seriously, that practically constitutes negligence. Launching a frontal on assault on the elephant fence’s villa, Kham finds old Boss Suchart already dead and his purloined elephant nowhere to be found. Not only has he obligingly stepped into the frame-job, Suchart’s martial arts proficient, sailor suit wearing nieces are quite upset with him.

Eventually, Kham will try to forge an alliance with the not-really-twins to bring down the man responsible for both their woes. That would be LC, the leader of a gun-running martial arts cult. Supposedly, he wants Kham to be his new #1 fighter, but we know from the daft in media res opener, there is a larger scheme afoot.

Whatever. At least it all involves a series of massive throw-downs with the almost super human #2. LC’s loyal lover, #20, is no slouch either. As long as people are fighting, P2 works like a charm. However, there are some ridiculously overtop action sequences involving a motorcycle gang clearly intended for 3D that blatantly suffer from an unforgiving 2D rendering.

In case you forgot, the original Protector featured the awesome long take tracking Kham fighting his way up a spiral Guggenheim-like vice den. His successive face-offs with #2 almost rank at that level, but collectively they last considerably longer. While Tony Jaa is just kind of okay when it comes to the conventional drama, his fight scenes, choreographed with Panna Rittikrai are spectacular, as is #20’s wardrobe, rocked by Ratha Phongam, who was just about the only watchable part of Only God Forgives.

As the nieces, Chocolate’s JeeJa Yanin Wismitanan and Teerada Kittisiriprasert also show off some pretty amazing synchronized moves.  However, despite all the scenery RZA chews as LC, Marresse Crump upstages his villainy as the lethally cool #2 (an absolute force of nature worlds away from Robert Wagner’s #2 in the Austin Powers franchise).

There are times when both P2 and its hero are pretty dumb. Fortunately, the film is only really about two things: kicking butt and kicking more butt. Pure escapist meathead fun, The Protector 2 is recommended for fans of Jaa, Wismitanan, and Muay Thai films in general when it opens this Friday (5/2) in New York at the Cinema Village.

The Man with the Iron Fists: Kung Fu Hip Hop from RZA

Thaddeus the Blacksmith is a builder not a fighter.  Nonetheless, the Lion Clan is messing with the wrong tradesman when they chop off his arms.  Yes, it is time to rumble in Nineteenth Century China.  Kung fu, Hip Hop, spaghetti westerns, and blaxploitation will be mashed-up in the RZA’s The Man with the Iron Fists (trailer here), which really did open this week in New York—honest it did.

The Lions were not always so bad.  That was before the Emperor sought their services to help secure his shipment of gold.  Succumbing to greed, Silver Lion and Bronze Lion betray their respected clan leader Gold Lion, with the intention of hijacking the imperial gold.  Of course, they will have to take care of one loose end: Gold Lion’s son, Zen Yi, who has left his mountain retreat and lovely wife for some old school revenge.  Unfortunately, he is no match for Brass Body, the Kung Fu equivalent of the X-Men’s Colossus.

Stripped of his armor, Zen Yi is rescued from certain death by the Blacksmith and his lover, Lady Silk, one of the “employees” of Madame Blossom’s house of pleasure.  Troubled by the death and destruction wrought by his handiwork, the Blacksmith throws his lot in with Zen Yi.  Needless to say, this leads to a rather nasty encounter with Silver Lion, Brass Body, and a very sharp blade.  Yet, as the title indicates, he still knows his way around a forge.  He also has an unlikely ally in Jack Knife, the opium addicted British ex-pat serving as the Emperor’s secret emissary.

If you’re looking for Oscar bait, Iron Fists probably isn’t your cup of tea.  Not exactly subtle or refined filmmaking, the RZA basically just lets the chaos fly.  He “borrows” liberally from scores of previous martial arts films, even including Enter the Dragon’s oft imitated finale.  Still, its energy is admirable.  Corey Yuen’s fight choreography is consistently inventive and there is plenty of eye candy.  In fact, the large supporting cast brings all kinds of genre credibility, starting with the Cung Le, sporting the Yahoo Serious coif as Bronze Lion.  On-the-brink-of-stardom Grace Huang (so cool in the short film Bloodtraffick) also kicks butt convincingly as part of the duo known as the Gemini Killers.

Probably the biggest surprise of Iron Fists is Russell Crowe’s rip-roaring scenery-chewing portrayal of Jack Knife.  He obviously understood what sort of film he was making and was willing to just go with it.  As Madame Blossom, Lucy Liu essentially reprises her turn from Kill Bill, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.  Frankly, the RZA isn’t terrible as the Blacksmith, brooding well enough.  The villains are more of a mixed bag though.  Former wrestler David Bautista certainly looks the part of Brass Body, but Byron Mann’s Silver Lion is more flamboyant than menacing.

Look, what do you want from a Kung Fu smackdown directed by a rapper, even if it is “executive produced” by Quentin Tarantino?  It might be chocked full of genre clichés and clumsy flashbacks, but if the prospect of watching RZA beat the Lion Clan silly while Crowe cavorts with a bevy of Asian prostitutes strikes you as entertaining than Iron Fists totally delivers the goods.  Let’s call it a guilty pleasure and leave it at that.  It really is currently playing in New York, above 34^th Street, at the Regal E-Walk.