Supergirl (Pilot), at Paley Center

It is hard to believe today, but CBS actually cancelled The Amazing Spiderman, even though it was a hit, because it did not want to be typecast as the “superhero network,” since they were already home to The Incredible Hulk and Wonder Woman. Most networks would love to have that problem today (or at least they would have a few years ago, before Disney+’s Marvel shows stunk up the joint). Yet, the same CBS let Supergirl fly off the CW after one season, because it was getting CW-level ratings. However, you can tell from the pilot episode how co-creators Ali Adler, Greg Berlanti, and Andrew Kreisberg planned to use Kara Zor-El’s relationship to her super-cousin, without Superman actually appearing. She would have preferred “Superwoman,” but the press went with Supergirl, so the pilot fittingly screens at the Paley Center as part of its “Girl Power” programming.

The biggest winner of the multiversal idiosyncrasies of Earth-38 (a.k.a. Earth-CBS) had to be Jimmy Olsen, who is now Pulitzer Prize winner James Olsen, who is also cuts quite a figure judging mild-mannered executive assistant Kara Danvers’ reaction when he transfers from the Daily Planet to her faltering paper. Danvers was set to Earth to protect her infant cousin, Kal-El, but Krypton’s explosion sent her pod careening into the Phantom Zone. By the time it came out, her little cousin was all grown-up and saving the world.

Danvers never really used her powers, preferring to grow up normal. Of course, her sister Alex and parent Eliza and Dr. Jeremiah Danvers (played by Helen Slater of the original Supergirl movie and Dean Cain from Lois and Clark) know she is different, but respect her choices. However, when Danvers hears her sister’s flight in crisis, she leaps into action to save it.  Unfortunately, that also announces her presence to a cabal of Zod-like Kryptonian criminals planning their own escape from the Phantom Zone.

It turns out flying is like riding a bike, but a lot of the other superheroing stuff can be difficult when you’re out of practice. Danvers is no Ralph Hinkley (The Greatest American Hero), but she looks credibly tentative during the pilot. However, the best parts involve the many clever Superman references and the way Kal-El offers support through his pal Jimmy Olsen, without overshadowing her turn in the solo spotlight. Obviously, his eventual appearance will be a big deal, which did not happen until Tyler Hoechlin guest-starred in season two—and later spun-off into Superman & Lois.

Elkhorn: The Greenhorn, on INSP

Before he could be a Rough Rider, he had to be a greenhorn. Teddy Roosevelt led such a storied life, his years as a cattleman in the Dakota Territory are often overlooked, but it was still a significant period for him. TR’s later service as New York City’s police chief made him an intriguing supporting character in The Alienist, but Roosevelt the rancher is the central protagonist of creator Craig Miller’s Elkhorn, which premieres Thursday on INSP.

The future president is not quite the garrulous “Bully! Bully!” Rough Rider yet. As the titular “Greenhorn” of the pilot episode, he has toughened himself up, but he still looks like a Northeastern intellectual, which he also was. Roosevelt’s fame as a wealthy progressive reformer proceeds him to the Dakota Territory, but many of the locals assume he will be easy to push around. However, they quickly learn he is made of stern stuff and has wisely chosen his associates.

Roosevelt partnered up with his former hunting guide, William Merrifield, who knows the terrain better than anyone. For his chief lieutenants, TR imported his friend, Bill Sewall, a brawny lumberjack from Maine and his nephew Wilmot Dow. They will form the nucleus of the Elkhorn ranch, protecting the herd from the Marquis de Mores, an unscrupulous French cattle baron.

At least that last part seems like a fair assumption from what we see in the pilot episode. So far, the Marquis is ostensibly polite, but he clearly rubs TR the wrong way. At this early stage, TR is more bedeviled by his own demons, including his grief over the death of his wife, Alice Hathaway Lee, and guilt from essentially abandoning their daughter, Alice Lee Roosevelt.

The Omen (1995 Pilot)

The Omen franchise had a lot of success on the big screen, but its TV history is spottier. The made-for-TV Omen IV: The Awakening does not have many champions, whereas the A&E-produced Damien was not bad, but short-lived. A lot of fans missed the first attempt at an Omen series, because the pilot was not picked up for a full series. (It is also dismissed as non-canonical and related in name only.) Yet, because it was produced in the 1990s, NBC aired it anyway, because the networks took their viewers for granted back then. Nevertheless, it was indeed broadcasted, so it technically counts as a “vintage episode.” With The First Omen releasing this week, it is a fine time to look back at the 1995 pilot for The Omen, if you don’t mind searching for a grainy internet version.

Dr. Linus is about to find his missing colleague, strung-up dead, in a ritualistic manner. Tragically, it was most likely of his friend’s own doing, to prevent an evil parasite from devouring another victim. Of course, Linus inadvertently releases it back into the world.

Being a man of science, he is not sure what to make of what he saw, even when he is visited by Aaron Rainier, a self-described “hunter,” who dedicated his life to fighting the all-consuming entity. However, photojournalist Jack Mann has become a believer, after watching the viral-like demon possess and destroy his pregnant wife. He will follow its trail to a Boston hospital, where Dr. Linus has been called in to consult on an inexplicable contamination afflicting Annalisse Summer, a nurse who contracted it from late sister.

In a way, the viral hot-zone-like aspect of the 1995 pilot is a lot like the Star War prequels demystifying the Force with scientistic Midi-chlorians, except it is much more interesting. Although there is more science to explain the ancient entity’s powers, it still directly addresses issues of good and evil.

According to Rainier, most people burn themselves out trying to fight the evil virus, or whatever, which rather implies most people are inherently good. However, when it lands in an evil host, they develop a symbiotic relationship, in which the human accepts its presence, in return for power. At the end of the pilot, we learn the unseen force is heading west, as if it is searching for something. Could that have been a nasty little boy named Damien Thorn?

Unfortunately, we will never know, but the pilot holds up okay as a stand-alone. The pacing is quite snappy, which makes sense, since it was directed by Jack Sholder, who also helmed Nightmare on Elm Street 2 and The Hidden (which also features an unearthly entity hopping from person to person). There are a lot of big genre names involved, starting with Richard Donner, the director of the original film, who was on-board as an executive producer according to IMDb (but his name was not included in the broadcast credits).

NCIS: Sydney: Gone Fission

As a member of the “Five Eyes” intelligence alliance and the AUKUS collective security pact, Australia recognizes it shares common democratic values and strategic interests with the United States. Of course, the same sort of people currently conducting anti-Semitic (or rather Jew-hating) rallies would like to see that alliance loosened to the point it might sever. That is why both NCIS and the Australian Federal Police (AFP) need to quickly resolve the suspicious death of American sailor aboard a nuclear submarine docked in Sydney. The respective team leaders will squabble over style and turf, but they still work well enough together to launch a new spin-off in “Gone Fission,” the pilot episode of creator Morgan O’Neill’s NCIS: Sydney, which premieres tomorrow on CBS.

Unfortunately, the AUKUS ceremony did not go according to plan. First a protester disrupted the Australian Foreign Minister’s speech. Then a not-so able-bodied seaman fell dead into Sydney Harbor. Since his death is attributed to radiation poisoning, the boat is immediately sidelined for a thorough inspection.

NCIS Special Agent Captain Michelle Mackey will be investigating, in partnership with AFP Special Agent Jim “JD” Dempsey, but they are so temperamentally alike, they automatically clash. Fortunately, their laidback #2’s, DeShawn Jackson of NCIS and AFP Constable Evie Cooper are similar in ways that help them immediately fall into an easy working relationship. For forensic support, they have the expertise of crusty old Roy Penrose and Bluebird “Blue” Gleeson, his new intern, a quirky Millennial, with an unlikely affinity for the spiritual aspect of their job, which her initially standoffish boss comes to respect. It sounds a lot like a NCIS series, because it is.

All the critical attention is on the big steamers right now, but the old big three networks are some of the rare places you can find veteran-friendly television. One of the important developments in “Gone Fission” is the discovery the late sailor was in fact poisoned by Polonium and not a leaky reactor. By now, everyone should know Polonium is one of Putin’s favorite assassination techniques. Questions from the pilot remain unresolved, but just offering up Russia as a potential suspect is a good start.

The Outer Limits: Please Stand By (Pilot)

The Twilight Zone had its share of extra-terrestrials, but first contact and alien invasion were really specialties of The Outer Limits. The was true right from the start—the very start. The first episode aired that under the title, “The Galaxy Being” was very slightly re-edited from the unaired pilot, appropriately known as “Please Stand By.” That “being” was from another galaxy, who did respond well when he suddenly found himself in our world. In honor of the show’s 60^th anniversary, the original pilot screens tonight at UCLA.

Sit back and enjoy, because cosmic forces will be controlling the transmission we are about to watch. Allan Maxwell is a brilliant scientist, who uses his radio station as a cover for his underground SETI research. Basically, his DJ-brother Gene “Buddy” Maxwell programs polite jazz and bachelor pad-ish easy listening. It was probably a good spot on the dial to hear Joe Bushkin and Eddy Duchin, if you could pick-it up. Dr. Maxwell deliberately keeps the output low, so it does not interfere with his own experiments.

Much to his surprise, Maxwell’s microwaves create a link through which he and a mysterious alien from Andromeda start communicating. The scientist could continue their trans-galactic exchange all day, but his wife insists he attend their local town’s long-planned awards ceremony in his honor. He turns the station’s output down even further, to maintain a stable connection, while the “Galaxy Being” “holds the line,” but the fill-in DJ cranks it way up, inadvertently dragging the alien into our world. Havok soon follows.

Obviously, the network picked up Outer Limits, but they had creator Leslie Stevens (who wrote and directed the pilot) somewhat water-down its intensity. They also cut a line from the Galaxy Being that suggested his people might just come to Earth and kick our butts, now that they knew of our existence. That is especially unfortunate, because it represents one of the earliest pop-culture manifestations of Cixin Liu’s “Dark Forest” concept, decades before the Chinese novelist’s Three-Body trilogy.

The Winchesters (Pilot), on CW

The thing about prequels is that we know where it’s going better than the characters do. Fans of Supernatural have seen the sacrifices John Winchester will make for his sons, but he did plenty of hunting before that. Much like his sons, Winchester has father issues of his own, not that he had much opportunity to spend time with his absent father. That is not all bad, because it gives him a commonality to bond over with his future wife, Mary Campbell, whose dad is also missing. The family that hunts together first gets together in the pilot episode of The Winchesters, which premieres Tuesday on the CW.

On his first day home from Vietnam, Winchester meet-cutes Campbell in a DNR-kind of way. Of course, cute does not last long in horror. The next time he encounters Campbell, she is saving him from a demon. As it happens, they were both following up leads regarding their fathers. Apparently, Winchester’s old man was part of “The Men of Letters,” a secret society dedicated to fighting supernatural threats. Presumably, Winchester Sr. largely cut ties with his wife and son to protect them from his business. In contrast, Campbell’s father trained her to be a “hunter” ever since she was a child.

Together with Campbell’s Scooby-Doo-Mystery-Incorporated fellow hunters Latika Desai (the shy one) and Carlos Cervantez (the cocky one), the future Winchesters follow demonic clues to New Orleans (they even have a similar van). Obviously, Winchester is keenly interested in Campbell, whereas she wants to spare him the chaos her father forced upon her. Yet, the mutual attraction is already evident.

Frankly, Drake Rodger and Meg Donnelly have better chemistry in the pilot (as Winchester and Campbell) than co-leads Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki exhibited in the only Supernatural episode we’ve seen, “Crossroads Blues” (S2E8)—but its depiction of Robert Johnson was pretty hip. So far, showrunner Robbie Thompson nicely balances their courtship with the monster-hunting.

Walker: Independence (Pilot), on CW

Like many people today, Abby and Liam Walker have left the corruption of Massachusetts in search of opportunity in Texas. Unfortunately, the corruption has followed them. Liam was supposed to be the town’s new sheriff, but he was murdered on the trail. She was also left for dead, but leaving-for-dead works just about as well in westerns as it does in horror. Naturally, she wants revenge and the suspicious new replacement sheriff goes to the top of her list in the pilot episode of Anna Fricke’s Walker: Independence, which premieres tomorrow on the CW.

After she and her husband were gunned down in the dead of night, Walker wakes up in an Apache camp. For understandable reasons, the noble (and rugged jawed) Calian is reluctant to walk her all the way into town, but he will be her first ally. Shortly thereafter, she will have an awkward first meeting with irresponsible outlaw Hoyt Rawlins, but they will also forge a weird alliance of convenience.

According to Calian, the town’s deputy is a decent fellow, but newly installed Sheriff Davidson gives off seriously villainous vibes. It turns out he is also from Boston, but he was part of the corrupt machine there. Cautious about announcing herself, Walker finds temporary employment with Kate Carver, a showgirl of some repute and Kai, an immigrant Chinese laborer. At the end of the episode, we also learn one of them has a secret sideline that should wear well throughout the first season.

Independence is a Yellowstone-like prequel spinoff to the CW’s rebooted Walker. None of the characters from the contemporary series could credibly guest-star, since there is roughly one hundred and forty years separating their timelines, so fans of the original Chuck Norris series could pretend it is a prequel to it instead.

Indeed, they might want to, because Independence shows all kinds of potential. Comparing pilot to pilot, Independence might represent the rare spinoff that far surpasses the quality its parent series. Whereas Walker presented itself as the corporate diversity seminar version of the Texas Rangers, Independence is nicely setting itself up as an old school western. It is very clear Abby Walker intends to get justice or revenge, which ever comes first.

Family Law (Pilot), on CW

Maybe a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client, but what is he, if he hires his toxic, alcoholic daughter? Abigail Bianchi is actually the third of Harry Svensson’s three grown children (all from different mothers) that he hired at his family law firm. She is not happy to be there, but it is her only option after a drunken vomiting courtroom incident. Even in Canada, the courts frown on such behavior, but each case offers more dramedy-redemption in writer-creator Susin Nielsen’s Family Law, which premieres Sunday on the CW.

In the pilot episode, “Sins of the Father,” Bianchi does not know her entitled half-siblings very well and neither of them is happy to have her join the firm. Before the regurgitation incident, Bianchi was a hot shot litigator, so she feels like family law is beneath her. Only the transgender receptionist is happy to see her.

Currently, Bianchi is separated from her unfaithful husband, who still has custody of the kids, because she is such a dumpster fire. Their little boy always looks forward to her visits, but their teen daughter is openly siding with dad and against her. At least she has the boozy support of her Ab-Fab mother Joanne Kowalski, Svensson’s first wife. Perhaps understandably, some of Bianchi’s baggage comes out during her first case for the firm, involving years of unpaid child support from a father, who answered an online ad for a no-strings-attached sperm donor.

Honestly, most of the legal plotlines of the pilot episode feel like they could have been brainstorming notes discarded from the writers’ room when L.A. Law was cancelled in the mid-1990s. It is basically the same formula. The pilot gives us one primary case, addressing a mildly controversial issue, while also following a slightly comical secondary case (this time around it is a doggie custody battle).

Family Law might not be stylistically innovative, but that is no great sin. The problem is the complete and utter lack of characters any sane viewer would want to spend time with. Bianchi is abrasively annoying, Svensson is insufferably arrogant, and the step-siblings combine the worst of both. Even Lauren Holly generates more eye-rolls than laughs as the diva-ish Kowalski.

Naomi (Pilot), on CW

For comic book writers, the multiverse is a gift that just keeps giving. If you want a character to be a fan of Superman comics, who eventually encounters the DC superheroes in the flesh, you just do a little mixing of the parallel universes—and then there they are. In this case, a Superman fangirl doesn’t exactly meet her idol, but when he briefly crashes into her universe, it starts her own super-origins story in the pilot episode of showrunner Jill Blankenship’s Naomi, which premieres Tuesday on the CW.

Naomi McDuffie loves Superman because he was an orphan just like her. She grew up happy and well-adjusted as the daughter of bi-racial couple Greg and Jennifer McDuffie, despite being a military brat. She also seems to be pretty well-liked both at her high school and with her fellow Pacific Northwest local townsfolk, maybe because she seems to have an ambiguous flirty relationship with several of them. Suddenly, Superman and a super-villain blast into their universe, duking it out in the town square (only seen obliquely in cleverly assembled cell phone footage), but McDuffie is unable to record any of it, because she passes out from a tinnitus-like ringing sensation.

As she investigates the presumed publicity stunt for her fansite, McDuffie is struck by the suspicious behavior of Dee, the New Agey tattoo artist and Zumbado, the used car salesman. The latter is already considered a villain, due to his reputation for ripping off servicemen from the base.

Scenes of the high school characters’ hip and casual acceptance of their ambiguous sexuality often sound and feel like they were written by corporate diversity trainers. However, the depiction of Army is refreshingly positive, as far as the pilot shows. Her officer father is a totally cool dad, instead of a Great Santini-style martinet and he is obviously the tolerant, inclusive type, since he adopted her and married her mother. We don’t hear any cliched grievances against the local base either, at least in the pilot, so maybe the series truly has something for everyone.

The 4400: Reboot Pilot

It debuted four years after Lost, but it predated Manifest, La Brea, The Returned (both French and English versions) and most of the other series in the where-the-heck-are-we-where-the-Hell-have-you-been-did-you-miss-me-while-we-were-gone genre, by several years. It lasted four seasons and lent itself well to distinctive title graphics, so it makes sense Rene Echevarria & Scott Peters’ science fiction franchise would get a new treatment—and here it is. The pilot episode of Anna Fricke & Ariana Jackson’s rebooted The 4400 premieres this coming Monday on the CW.

One moment Shanice is driving to work and the next thing she knows, she is falling from the sky, landing in a Detroit park with several hundred other people. It is sixteen years later, but she doesn’t know that yet. Apparently, many of her fellow drop-ins came from further in the past and at least one influencer came from about 2015. She will find her followers and likes are down drastically.

The super-helpful Federal government collects them in a downtown hotel and bring a local probation officer and a bleeding-heart social worker to conduct interviews. This really doesn’t make sense, especially considering how psychologists must be on staff at the DOD, VA, and DOJ, even if the P.O.’s lover is the FBI agent in charge. However, it turns out Jharrrel Mateo, the social worker, has a personal reason for taking the case. He also quickly proves to be slightly less than vigilant when Shanice escapes, thanks to the help of teenaged Mildred, who suddenly exhibits telekinetic abilities. She is not the only one with strange new powers.

Kung Fu (CW Reboot Pilot)

You can take the novice out of the Shaolin monastery, but you can’t take the Shaolin out of the novice. Kwai Chang Caine could have told Nicky Shen that, but they are from different shows and different historical eras. Hardly any elements remain from the original 1972 series, but Shen still finds plenty of use for her skills when she returns to America in the pilot episode of showrunner Christina M. Kim’s rebooted Kung Fu, which premieres Wednesday on the CW.

Shen was decidedly disappointed when she discovered her controlling mother sent her to Mainland China to be matched with a husband, so she hitches a ride Zhang Pei-ling, the abbess of a Shaolin monastery. The American runaway only planned to spend the night, but she stayed for three years, finding the discipline, purpose, and sense of belonging she needed. Unfortunately, her retreat from life ends violently when the mysterious Zhilan attacks the monastery and kills Zhang.

Returning home, Shen awkwardly reconnects with her family, including her naïve parents, who have fallen prey to a violent loan shark. In some ways, her homecoming came just in time, especially since her sister has engagement events pending. She will also research the ancient sword Zhilan stole from her teacher, Zhang, who still guides her, like Ben Kenobi returning through the force.

The late-episode revelation suggests a pretty good driving mythology for a martial arts series and the pilot features pretty nicely choreographed fight sequences. Yvonne Chapman is already flamboyantly fierce as Zhilan and Vanessa Kai has the right kind of mystical toughness as Zhang, the Keye Luke-like figure. So far, Olivia Liang is also reasonably solid as Shen, but it is Chapman and Kai who are more likely to hook genre fans. Frankly, the Shen family melodrama needs to be lower in the episode mix, even though it is nice to see Tzi Ma playing her father, Jin.

Walker (Pilot), on the CW

The original Walker, Texas Ranger largely took place around Dallas, but the reboot relocates to Austin, where the Texas Rangers are indeed headquartered. The shift appears to be cultural as well as geographic, at least judging from the pilot episode of creator Anna Fricke’s [just plain] Walker, which premieres tonight on the CW.

Ranger Cordell Walker has had a rough patch of tragedy and bad timing. Shortly after his wife Emily’s murder, he left on a prolonged undercover assignment, targeting the Mexican drug cartels. Walker finally returns home in the pilot, but he is so tortured with guilt that he could not protect Emily and disturbed by the yet-to-be revealed horrors he witnessed, it is hard for him to be present for his rebellious teen daughter Stella and idol-worshipping son Liam.

His salt-of-the-earth rancher parents and gay prosecutor brother did their best to cover for him, but Stella makes no attempt to hide her resentment. Naturally, Walker functions better when he is back in the Ranger saddle, but his new partner, Mexican-American Micki Ramirez insists they operate “by the book.”

The new Walker goes out of its way to check-off representation boxes, which probably makes sense for its CW demo, but it neglects the fundamental cop show business in the process. The pilot, directed by documentary and TV veteran Jessica Yu (Misconception), is long on angst, but short on action. There is only really one fight scene, plus a little roughing up a suspect (goaded into swinging first). Meanwhile, we see plenty of Walker brooding and ruminating.

Devils (Pilot)

We have a way of “loving to hate” villainous captains of finance like Gordon Gekko and Billions’ Bobby Axelrod so much, we actually start to dig them for real. That could be the case for Dominic Morgan. He talks a good game and he is a master manipulator. Massimo Ruggero should know. The head of the NYL investment house has a talent for “motivating” his protégé, but it still isn’t exactly a trusting relationship. Ruggero will have to look out for himself if he wants to get ahead, but safety really isn’t a concern for double-dealing schemers in the pilot episode of Devils, which premieres this Wednesday on the CW.

Ruggero was the only trader in London’s financial district smart enough to “short” Greece. He made NYL pots of money and should earn himself a plum promotion. Unfortunately, it is not entirely his mentor Morgan’s decision to make. As a striving immigrant from a hardscrabble Italian fishing village, Ruggero has the wrong background as far as the upper-crust directors are concerned. However, the blue-blooded faction is up to their necks in a deal with a considerable downside. It would definitely help Ruggero’s prospects if the deal went south, so maybe he will just help it along.

Presumably, the body we see plunging to its death in the flashforward prologue is somehow related to all this skullduggery. Naturally, there is a fair amount of expository business in the pilot, but intrigue holds plenty of promise. Plus, the clear implication that a Wikileaks-style group is just as morally compromised as the investment bankers opens up some very interesting dramatic avenues to explore. However, the emerging subplot involving Ruggero’s wayward ex-wife feels unrealistically contrived.

Ruggero’s informal kitchen cabinet includes two promising supporting characters, Wade, a professor at the London School of Economics, and Oliver Harris, his brilliant but financially-challenged student, who will be doing most of Ruggero’s off-the-books research and legwork.

Coroner (Pilot)

In the days of Burke and Hare, anatomists were not held in high regard by the popular press. Times have changed. These days, some of our favorite TV crime fighters are pathologists. The CSI franchises and Da Vinci’s Inquest (also Canadian) are the best examples, but the tradition goes back to Quincy M.E. Dr. Jenny Cooper, Toronto’s freshly appointed coroner, now joins their ranks. The protagonist of M.R. Hall’s mystery novels comes to American television, when the Canadian series Coroner premieres this Wednesday on the CW.

As a former ER doctor, Cooper thought she knew the sort of things people did to each other, but now she sees the patients who do not make it to the hospital. Frankly, she is maybe not in the best mindset for her new gig, since her husband recently died from an aneurism right in front of her eyes. However, she will need the job, when she discovers the mountain of debt her late spouse left her holding.

Det. Donovan “Mac” McAvoy and his partner Det. Taylor Kim are a bit surprised to see her offer what looks like a quick prayer over her first pick-up, but he warms to her relatively quickly. Her dogged pursuit of the truth rather matches his own working methods. He also shares her empathy for the kids incarcerated at the juvy facility where two supposed suicides were found.

The actual mystery Dr. Cooper investigates in the pilot is not particularly complicated and resolves itself surprisingly easily, but the first episode also has to carry a lot of exposition. However, the chemistry developing between her and Det. McAvoy is already quite promising. Plus, Cooper’s foreboding visions of a sinister black dog are quite a distinctive motif. Still, the general level of writing seems pretty conventional, largely on par with shows like Profiler and Crossing Jordan, from about twenty years ago.

Tell Me a Story: Pilot

Fairy tales express primal fears and anxieties, so it rather makes sense that we can find contemporary parallels. Creator Kevin Williamson takes Jungian archetypes a step further by reconceiving three fairy tales as a braided modern-day psychological thriller. Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, and Hansel & Gretel get a just-before-Covid New York makeover in Tell Me a Story, which makes its broadcast network debut tomorrow on the CW (following its run on CBS All-Access that really entailed limited viewer access).

Two hard-core armed robbers and one of their reluctant, hung-over brothers are planning to hit an exclusive jewelry store. Their stylish disguise will be pig masks. Chances are, it will not go down smoothly, but that will have to wait for the end of the pilot episode. Meanwhile, Kayla Powell has moved to New York with her widower father Tim, after her mother’s untimely death. For now, they will be staying in her grandmother’s townhouse. Why yes, she happens to have a red slicker.

The recently discharged Hannah Perez and her screw-up half-brother Gabe will be our Hansel & Gretel analogs, but it is not exactly clear how from the first episode. Thanks to his poor judgement, he involves her in a decidedly sticky situation. When they leave, they most certainly will not want to leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind them.

Tell Me a Story had respectable reviews and viewer feedback when it launched on CBS’s premium platform, but streamer-app fatigue was already an issue by that time. CW is not hiding its origins, but it not unreasonable for them to launch it like an essentially new show. Based on the pilot, it is not dazzling enough to justify yet another subscription fee, but it is sufficiently interesting to try again next week.

So far, the cleverer and strongest fairy tale parallels are those of the Red Riding Hood arc. Daniella Campbell has enough charisma to carry the segments as Powell/Red Riding Hood, while Pauline Singer adds some energy as her new, hard-partying friend Laney Reed. Plus, it is a little mind-blowing to see Kim Cattrall playing the grandmother (maybe she should reconsider another Sex in the City movie, before she is typecast as a grandma).

DWF ’19: The Great Record Hunt (Pilot)

LP collectors know way more about music than downloaders. That is because in most record stores, “new arrivals” is its own section, but it usually isn’t broken down by category. When you flip through, you inevitably pick up on things outside your original field of interest. Record stores are still around and many of them are busier than ever. Host and co-director Ethan H. Minsker takes viewers to many of them in his musical-collectible travel show, The Great Record Hunt, which screens as part of the pilot section during this year’s Dances With Films.

Rather conveniently, the pilot starts in New York City, where Minsker gives viewers the impression LP sales and merchandising is almost entirely about rock and its cousins. Granted, Footlights, the venerable sound track and cast album specialist, closed years ago, but New York is still blessed with many specialty records stores that would add very different flavors to the show’s mix.

Fred Cohen’s Jazz Record Center is a glaring omission, especially considering its idiosyncratic location in a Flower District office building that looks like it could also host Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe as tenants. For jazz collectors, the full-service Academy LPs is also a prime go-to, but they are only mentioned in passing by an indie label-owner, who used to work out of their basement.

Of course, nobody begrudges the time devoted to Generations and the Brooklyn Flea, but there is considerably more to New York record-collecting eco-system. As a host, Minsker is enthusiastic, but his fannishness starts to wear a little thin. The pilot also features a performance by Baby Shakes, who are telegenic, but it would be nice if artists from other genres get features spots in subsequent episodes.

To some extent, the pilot serves as a primer on record-collecting for the poor turntable-less out there. If you need to be convinced this is thing than you’re not as hip as you think. However, New Yorkers will get a much-needed lesson in supply-and-demand that could help their economic literacy. When supply is high, it drives down the price. That is why you won’t get much trade-in for your grandparents’ Sinatra records, which still have tons of copies floating around out there. The concept for Great Record Hunt is terrific, but it needs more character and rootsier, bluesier seasoning. Maybe they should have started in New Orleans instead. There is still potential, but real record collectors will be a little bored by The Great Record Hunt pilot, when it screens tomorrow (6/22) as part of TV Block 3, at Dances With Films.

Slamdance ’19: Tijuana 1924 (pilot)

Carmen Sanchez is like the “Queen of the South” for tequila. Prohibition is on, which is a huge opportunity for an aspiring kingpin like Sanchez, especially since her husband has just been appointed chief of police. Of course, he thinks he is calling the shots in their liquor-running operation, but he is just kidding himself. The tequila will flow (across the border) in Mary-Lyn Chambers’ Tijuana: 1924, a prospective proof-of-concept pilot that screened at the 2019 Slamdance Film Festival.

Throughout the pilot, Sanchez explains to her wide-eyed daughter how easy it is to manipulate men like her husband, Manuel Sanchez (or any other man, for that matter). Like a crafty Lady Macbeth, she has prodded the new chief copper into betraying his former partners to corner the illicit tequila trade into the United States. She did not waste any time, prompting his betrayal before he could even enjoy her celebratory gala, where she will truly be in her element, flirting and working the room like a pro.

Frankly, the fifteen-minute pilot leaves viewers wanting more, but it certainly proves the concept. Carmen (originally Charlotte) Sanchez is an entertainingly crafty and seductive femme fatale. However, Chambers has yet to introduce a foil worthy of being her rival, but with all that tequila around, there must be a worm in there somewhere. Ilana Guralnik vamps it up in style, gliding about as the Tequila Queen. As Chief Sanchez, David “Blak” Placencia is tightly wound, but appropriately clueless and in-denial regarding his subservience to his ruthless wife, which is a tricky line to convincingly walk.

Tijuana’s potential commercial appeal is conspicuously obvious, combining elements of Narcos and the original La Reine del Sur with the Prohibition period productions, like The Untouchables. Presumably, Chambers was working within limited budget constraints, but the over-achieving pilot features some lush, well-appointed sets and a full swing orchestra at the Sanchez’s party (frankly, it sounds more like a band from the 30’s than the 20’s, but it is festive regardless). It looks great and sounds quite nice, but the real fun comes from Madame Sanchez’s shameless attitude and scenery-chewing. This one deserves a full series order. Recommended for fans of historical crime dramas, Tijuana: 1924 screened as part of the episodic showcase at this year’s Slamdance Film Festival.

Holiday DVD Guide: Lost Pilots

Casting is everything. These failed or drastically revamped pilots prove it. Here’s a trivia question for you. What role was played by William Bendix, Jackie Gleason, and Lon Chaney, Jr.? The answer is Chester A. Riley from the Life of Riley radio, film, and TV series. Chaney Jr. played well meaning Riley in the pilot, but Gleason took over for the initial series run. Chaney’s Life of Riley is one of four curios included in Television’s Lost Classics Vol. 2: Rare Pilots, which is now available on DVD.

The program starts with the nearly unwatchable The Case of the Sure Thing. Presumably, this was conceived as a Dragnet for the New York Bunco Squad, but it makes it look like NYPD fraud detectives sat around all day shilling for Philip Morris cigarettes. In between sales pitches, some poor sap gets fleeced by a horse racing scam. Skip to the next one.

So what role was played by Frank Sinatra (on radio), Art Carney, and racing jockey Billy Pearson? Detective Donald Lam, part of the Cool and Lam duo featured in 30 novels churned by Perry Mason creator Erle Stanley Gardner under the pseudonym A.A. Fair. Wiry Pearson actually has decent screen presence and plenty of nervous energy for the pesky P.I. His boss, the somewhat matronly Bertha Cool seems like a bit of a stereotype today, but the notion that a middle-aged woman could run a detective agency was arguably rather progressive for 1958.

It also has a nice noir look, thanks to director Jacques Tourneur, who is fondly remembered for helming the classic Val Lewton-produced horror movies, Cat People and I Walked with a Zombie. Erle Stanley himself even filmed an intro to the series, so it is odd it never really had a chance.

Chaney Jr. sounds like a highly questionable fit for Life of Riley, but in all fairness, his comedic timing was not bad. The humor itself just seems hopelessly dated, but there is something nostalgic about the show’s blue-collar family values. It is definitely a curiosity, but Chaney fans will enjoy seeing range Junior Chaney rarely had the chance to show.

Lionel Stander, Lee Horsley, Timothy Hutton, and William Shatner? They were Nero Wolfe’s leg-man, Archie Goodwin. Reportedly, the 1959 pilot was a victim of its own success, considered too good for its half-hour format by network executives. Shatner flashes some of that James T. Kirk charm and plays off Broadway actor Kurt Kasznar’s Nero Wolfe quite adroitly. Both actors look like they were enjoying their sparring sessions. The mystery is wrapped up in a rather perfunctory manner (those execs were sort of right), but it is still a shame their Nero Wolfe was not picked up for a full series run. It even featured a theme composed by Alex North, so plenty of talent went into it.

As a bonus feature, Lost Classics also includes a blooper reel cobbled together for a CBS affiliate meeting, hosted by James Arness. It is somewhat more amusing than a lot of similar compilations, largely because of the vintage shows it was culled from (Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Travel, and The Twilight Zone), but hardly essential viewing.

This disk is admittedly a novelty release. Still, we can see the potential of Nero Wolfe and Cool and Lam, so it is rather a shame that the never found a spot on the network schedule. Indeed, it was a different era, when there were only three episodic content buyers. A modestly interesting diversion, Television’s Lost Classics: Pilots is now available on DVD and BluRay.

Philip K. Dick ’17: The Ningyo (pilot)

According to legend, the ningyo is sort of like a Japanese mermaid, but if true, the lore surrounding the mythical beast holds much more dramatic implications. Supposedly, those who eat ningyo flesh will extend their longevity by centuries. However, the death of a ningyo will raise great storms and natural disasters to plague the nation of Japan. Therefore, it logically follows some people will be desperately looking for the ningyo, while others are determined to keep them undiscovered. A crypto-zoologist finds himself caught between two such factions in Miguel Ortega & Tran Ma’s independent pilot, The Ningyo (trailer here), which screens during this year’s Philip K. Dick Film Festival.

In this steampunky alternate 1911, Prof. C. Marlowe discovered the okapi in Africa, but his obsessive quest for the ningyo does not sit well with his museum or their donors. Even though the ancient map he recovered could be considered evidence, they just want Marlowe to shut up and go away. Yet, that map must be legit, because both the Bikuni clan and the shadowy H. Prestor Sealous want it, for very different reasons. Spurned by his colleagues, Marlowe agrees to a face-to-face with the latter, but there is no guarantee he will survive the trek to the creature-collector’s subterranean lair.

It is really amazing how fully Ortega and Ma realize the feeling and texture of a steampunk world, relying more on inspiration and creativity than things like cash. In contrast, hundreds of millions of dollars were spent on films like The Wild, Wild West and The Golden Compass that look flat and pale in comparison.

Ortega and Ma also clearly know their ningyo lore, as well as their late Nineteenth Century/early Twentieth Century science fiction and adventure literature, visual allusions to which are sprinkled throughout the pilot/proof-of-concept short. Yet, we feel safe in assuming their first love is creating creatures, because there are a bunch of them in The Ningyo. Arguably, Sealous’s secret showroom ranks up there with Mos Eisley in the original Star Wars for the high number of invented species per capita.

As if that were not enough, cult film and television fans will definitely dig the cast, which includes Tamlyn Tomita (from The Karate Kid II and Awesome Asian Bad Guys) lending her elegant gravitas to the project as mysterious matriarch Kiyohime Bikuni, Louis Ozawa Changchien (recurring on The Man in the High Castle) personifying steeliness as the enforcer, Hatori Bikuni, and Jerry Lacy (from the original Dark Shadows) reveling in villainy as the evil Sealous. As Marlowe, Rodrigo Lopresti (a.k.a. The Hermit) also has a firm handle on brooding and scientific mumbo jumbo.

The Ningyo looks amazing and it is wildly fun to watch. However, since Marlowe is essentially a Gilded Age Indiana Jones, it should come as no surprise the pilot ends with a cliffhanger. Presumably, that will be true for all subsequent episodes, which just feels right for this kind of steampunk adventure genre. Anyone who sees the Ningyo pilot will hope to see the full series get produced soon. (Is anyone from Netflix or Amazon Studios free Sunday morning?) Regardless, it is just invigorating for genre fans to dive into such a richly crafted world. Very highly recommended, The Ningyo screens this Sunday (5/28) at the Soho Playhouse, as part of the Philip K. Dick Film Festival’s Fantasy and the Fantastic shorts block.

Sundance ’17: Assorted Pilots

After years of waiting, we will finally get new episodes of Twin Peaks in May. Considering the real thing is almost here, you would think most fans will just sit tight rather than starting a Twin Peaks knock-off. Nevertheless, at least two pilots transparently “inspired” by the David Lynch cult fave screened during the various television showcases at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival.

By far, the best pilot following in the Twin Peaks tradition was When the Street Lights Go On, presented as part of the Independent Pilot Showcase. During the course of episode 1 (or is it episode 0?) a popular high school student and one of her teachers are murdered at a particularly compromising moment. Oh, the scandal. What really distinguishes Street Lights are the spot-on early 1980s production details, including the era appropriate soundtrack. It is also nice to see the brooding teen lead is actually played by a teenager—the nineteen-year-old Max Burkholder, who could easily pass for sixteen.

Streets Lights might be hoping viewers will be asking “who killed Chrissy Monroe,” but there will be no question who murdered Cecily’s parents in Shit Kids—assuming she and her meathead boyfriend ever get the job done. In fact, we might assume fools’ luck will protect her admittedly annoying and utterly clueless ‘rents, establishing a certain absurdist pattern for the prospective show. Whether S-Word Kids can sustain itself will or won’t be answered over time, but its eighteen minutes were the highlight of the Independent Pilot showcase. Grace Van Dien (daughter of Casper) makes a hot mess of a femme fatale and series writer-director Kyle Dunnigan scores consistent laughs as her painfully square (and completely un-self-aware) father.

Over in the Midnight Episodic Showcase, Pineapple was also trying to channel Twin Peaks, but less successfully. Most of the first chunk screened during the festival focused on the guilt resulting from the sexual assault of a miner’s young daughter and the resentment of the company’s decision to close the mine. However, it is hard to blame them, since it seems some sort of predatory monster lives in the shaft. Frankly, Pineapple is even murkier looking and slower paced than Street Lights, which does not exactly leave viewers eager for more.

In contrast, Snatchers (the other part of Midnight Showcase, trailer here) is all energy and attitude, with more than a bit of gore splattered on top. Shallow, approval-seeking Sara Steinberg finally gives it up to her oafish on-again-off-again boyfriend Skyler, but rather alarmingly wakes up the next morning mega-preggers. Presumably, he picked up something nasty while on Spring Break in Mexico. Understandably freaked, Steinberg turns to Hayley Chamberlain, the childhood friend she had been “ghosting” in her time of crisis. Of course, it is even worse than Steinberg realizes. She is actually carrying twins—and what little monsters they are. As a further complication, one of them still isn’t ready to leave her.

In all honesty, Mary Nepi’s Steinberg is royally unsympathetic, but she is surrounded by a sharp, peppy cast, including Gabrielle Elyse as Chamberlain and J.J. Nolan as her former teen-mother Kate. It would also be nice is Nick Gomez could survive the first episode as Officer Ruiz, but it would be unwise to get too attached to him or anyone else in Snatchers. Regardless, the mayhem is nutty in the right ways and the dialogue cuts just as much as the parasite’s claws.

Not surprisingly, the festival’s mixed episodic showcases were indeed mixed bags. Without question, Snatchers is the one most likely to catch on, with Shit Kids also earning a second look, following their screenings at this year’s Sundance.