Et Tu, Starring Malcolm McDowell & Lou Diamond Phillips

Sure, this Shakespearean production has been rocky, but imagine how much worse it would be if they were performing the Scottish Play. They are staging Julius Caesar instead, so Brent the director cannot fault the writer. However, the lead is objectively bad and many cast and crew members just rub him the wrong way. The theater’s sinister history inspires him to make sudden personnel changes in director-screenwriter Max Tzannes’ Et Tu, which just released on VOD.

Marcus has no talent, but his father is bankrolling the production, so he is playing Brutus. It is a shame, because his understudy Terrence can actually act. Margaret, the understudy for Portia would also be a trade-up, especially since she and Terrence have some off-stage chemistry percolating.

It sure would be nice to get rid of Marcus, especially since he rough-houses with the prop daggers. To make his irresponsible behavior worse, someone has been sharpening those stage weapons. The mysterious janitor seems to understand Brent’s dilemma, He also encourages the director’s worst impulses.

Et Tu is a scrappy little macabre tale that is often quite clever. It is probably safe to label it horror, considering there is more than enough killing, as well as mild supernatural overtones. Yet, instead of scaring viewers, it invites us to take voyeuristic glee in the deadly mayhem, which admittedly gets entertainingly bloody.

DC Showcase: Green Arrow

Technically, he is a superhero without superhuman powers. Yet, he has a whole “Verse” half-named for him. Regardless of powers, a princess in jeopardy will be grateful for his bow in Joaquim Dos Santos’s animated DC Showcase: Green Arrow, which is very much worth catching up with on his reported in-world birthday (12/9).

Oliver Queen (a.k.a. Green Arrow) promised to pick up his girlfriend, Dinah Laurel Lance, from the airport. If you do not already know her secret identity, you will at the end of the animated short. Unfortunately, traffic is brutal, because of young Princess Perdita, who is making her first official state visit on behalf of the troubled Eastern European kingdom of Vlatava—at least was the Princess. By the time she lands, Perdita is the Queen. Presumably, that is why assassins target her, including Green Arrow’s old nemesis, Merlyn, a.k.a. the Dark Archer.

Queen immediately springs into action defending the Queen, even though he knows he will have some explaining to do to Lance. Thus launches a very cool series of animated action set pieces, across the tarmac and through the baggage handling system. Frankly, this installment of DC Showcase could hang One More Shot, the Scott Adkins beatdown set entirely within an airport—and the two would pair up nicely.

Caligula: The Ultimate Cut, This Time Its More Respectable

As a boy, the future despotic emperor Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus was nicknamed “Caligula,” meaning “Little Boots.” You could say he was the original “Kinky Boots.” This time, however, he is a little less kinky. The 1979 historical drama sort of directed by Tinto Brass was fatefully financed by Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione, who notoriously added excessively graphic scenes of sex and violence. As a result, Brass and most of the cast disowned the grotesque final product. Years later, Thomas Negovan reconstructed an entirely new cut that more closely follows Gore Vidal’s original screenplay. Consisting of alternate takes and outtakes, 100% of Negovan’s edit never appeared on-screen before (having duly jettisoned all of Guccione’s footage). It is still very mature, but the viewing experience is more coherent when Caligula: The Ultimate Cut opens this Friday in theaters.

Guccione spared no expense, hiring Peter O’Toole and Sir John Gielgud for roles the great actors were probably grateful were mercifully short. O’Toole plays Emperor Tiberius, Caligula’s STD-riddled great-uncle, who has reluctantly groomed the orphan to succeed him. Following in the time-honored Roman tradition, Caligula decides to succeed him earlier than Tiberius intended, but he needs the ambitious Macro to do his dirty work. Of course, Caligula realizes anyone willing to kill one emperor is capable of killing two.

Some things have not changed, definitely including Caligula’s incestuous relationship with his sister Drusilla. However, she is shrewd enough to insist her brother wed a proper, socially elite wife. Almost perversely, he chooses the scandalous Caesonia, who rather turns out to be a good match for him. They both have their appetites. She also learns to live with his lunacy and fits of rage, even when they start to interfere with his ability to rule the empire.

It is still pretty mind-blowing to see Dame Helen Mirren participating in a threesome with Malcolm McDowell (who currently plays a grouchy grandpa on Son of a Critch) and Teresa Ann Savoy, but judging from the 1979 film’s reputation, a great deal of the erotic content has been toned down, particularly in the second half. It is still more explicit than Those About to Die, but most viewers will not feel unclean after watching Negovan’s cut.

It is too bad Guccione’s edit became what it was, because when seen in the proper light, McDowell’s gloriously unhinged performance should have solidified his reputation as the boldest thesp of his generation. Supposedly, the new reconstruction better illustrates Lord Acton’s maxim of absolutely power corrupting absolutely, but there is not much of a slide into corruption. McDowell’s Caligula arguably starts at deranged and tyrannical—and steadily grows more intensely so.

One of the real discoveries is the performance of Savoy as Drusilla. Originally, Maria Schneider had been cast in the part, but she exited due to the sexually charged content. She clearly did the right thing, especially considering her troubling memories of Last Tango in Paris. Nevertheless, Savoy probably served up the performance of her career as the ruthless shrewd but ambiguously sensitive Drusilla. It is also nice to fully see John Steiner (the English actor who was a mainstay of Italian genre cinema for years) scheming as Longinus, the chancellor of the treasury.

The Assassin of the Tsar, on OVID.tv

It is highly unlikely Timofeyev, a mild-mannered Soviet mental patient, could have assassinated both Tsar Alexander II in 1881 and the final Tsar, Nicholas II along with his family in 1918, but the Soviet government heavily censored discussion of such events. As a result, most Russians knew very little about their respective deaths, even as late as 1991. Russian filmmaker Karen Shakhnazarov really had to scrounge for background information while preparing this film. However, he had a big international star in Malcolm McDowell. Maybe he was not as hot as he was in the early 1970s, but the Caligula thesp still carried a good deal of cachet during the era of Glasnost. Regardless, McDowell convincingly makes Timofeyev’s delusions contagious in Shakhnazarov’s The Assassin of the Tsar, which premieres today on OVID.tv.

Assassin of the Tsar was produced at a time when Shakhnazarov was still an artist. Today, he is a propagandist, whom Putin regularly trots out to endorse his war crimes in Ukraine. Apparently, he forgot writing and directing this film, because its critiques of violent extremism could apply just as well to Putin’s regime.

The exact time period is hard to pin down, but references suggest Stalin is still in power. Perhaps that is one reason Timofeyev politely declined his previous doctor’s offers of increased freedom. As long as he remains an inmate of the asylum, he is safe from the outside world and provided sufficient food. Dr. Aleksandr Yegorovich has stepped back into a quasi-emeritus role, conceding day-to-day responsibilities to his younger colleague, Dr. Smirnov, who was specially recruited from the big city.

Smirnov is struck by Timofeyev, particularly the way his body exhibits signs of psychosomatic injuries on dates related to the assassinations. Of course, he assumes Timofeyev could not possibly have committed either murder, so he decides to cure his patient through confrontational role play therapy. However, instead of snapping Timofeyev back to reality, the patient pulls his doctor into his delusional visions of the past. Shakhnazarov realizes these scenes so subtly, they first seem like historical flashbacks for context. Yet, the treatment steadily takes a physical and emotional toll on Smirnov.

As the film progresses, it grows steadily clearer how the abject horror of the Romanov regicide hangs over the characters and Soviet society, like an evil curse. It is sort of like the regime’s original sin and Timofeyev is the holy fool, pointing out Banquo’s ghost at the banquet.

Two versions of Assassin were produced, one featuring an undubbed McDowell performing with the Russian actors phonetically delivering their lines in English and a Russian version, in which the Yorkshire-born thesp is overdubbed. This review is based on the subtitled Russian option, but OVID.tv offers both. Regardless, McDowell is perfectly weird as Timofeyev. He can be suitably twitchy, but somehow his moments of serene calm are more disconcerting.

Cellphone, with Malcolm McDowell on the Line

Wynne has a creepier ringtone than the ones in either the Japanese One Missed Call or the American remake. That rather makes sense, since she will be appearing in a cellular/wireless-themed horror movie. She definitely gets tired of hearing that evil ringing in Luke Sommer’s Cellphone, which releases today on VOD.

Wynne is traumatized by her husband’s untimely death. She blames herself, because she was behind the wheel. Since then, driving has been out of the question. To hide from the world, she accepted a gig house-sitting Bob’s old country home. He sure seems to burn through house-sitters, judging from the flashbacks.

Much to her alarm, she sees these grisly images too, on the screen of her smartphone. The sinister device seems to have an insistent mind of own. In fact, it is really starting to freak her out. On top of all that, Wynne must also deal with constant unannounced drop-in visits from Chris, an eccentric pseudo-handyman, who clearly is a little screwy. His sudden appearances somewhat unnerve her, but they also provide relief from her phone’s menacing behavior.

Somehow Cellphone just doesn’t quite work, but it features two very effective performances. Technically, Malcolm McDowell literally phones in his work as Bob, who is only heard as voice on the phone and occasionally seen via FaceTime. Nevertheless, there something aptly off about his ostensibly jocular tone.

Likewise, Justin Malik Jackson is all kinds of crazy as Chris, but in ways that are hard to pin down. The way he plays the character is a lot to take in, but not so much that it overwhelms the film. Consequently, both Jackson and McDowell reliably liven-up Cellphone whenever they are on-screen.

Son of a Critch, on CW

In Canada, this show is sort of like Everyone Hates Chris or Young Rock. Since comedian Mark Critch is not particularly well-known in America, we can think of it as The Wonder Years with some Rush songs. Coming of age is always hard, especially with an embarrassing family, but young Mark Critch learns nearly everyone has an embarrassing family in Son of a Critch, which premieres Monday on the CW.

The Critch family lives on the outskirts of late-1980’s St. John’s, Newfoundland. His father Mike (played by grown-up Mark Critch, who also narrates, like Daniel Stern on The Wonder Years) is a gung-ho reporter for the local radio station and his somewhat high-strung mother Mary boils all their food. Perhaps his moody teen brother Mike Jr. is his least embarrassing family member. However, sharing a bedroom with his crotchety grandfather Peter (“Pops”) is definitely way up there, even though he is probably closer to Pops than his parents or brother. Attending wakes to grade the food is one of their favorite things to do together.

Regardless, the best parts of Critch happen at the Catholic junior high school young Mark is forced to attend. To say the Dean Martin-listening Critch is socially awkward is an understatement, but he manages to befriend Ritchie Perez, the son of successful Filipino doctors. Unfortunately, he is quickly bullied by “Fox,” one of three thuggish red-haired siblings all known by their surname. She also has a massive crush on Critch, which he reciprocates, even though he will not admit it.

Based on the first four episodes, young Critch’s relationships with Perez and Fox are the best things going for the series. His rapport with grouchy grandpa is also very likable, especially since the old dude is played by the legendary Malcolm McDowell (try to forget how many times we have seen him naked in films like A Clockwork Orange and Cat People). Listening to him kvetch with Benjamin Evan Ainsworth, the young Mark Critch, is pretty amusing, particularly in the funeral-focused second episode, “Lordy, Lordy, Look Who’s Dead.”

The ”Pilot” episode truly feels like a pilot, since it is literally Critch’s first day of school. Still, the third act shows some of the chemistry developing between Ainsworth and Sophia Powers and Mark Ezekiel Rivera as Fox and Perez. That is where the charm and humor of the third and fourth episodes (“Cello, I Must Be Going” and “Cucumber Slumber”) come from. That said, the digs at Catholic school life and the portrayal of the nuns are mostly cliched and derivative material.

She Will: A New Witch Film Executive-Produced by Dario Argento

Recovering actress Veronica Ghent just wants to be alone, like Garbo. Instead, she has to talk to fellow guests at her secluded retreat about local witch lore, as if she were part of the cast of Lux Æterna, or even one of Dario Argento’s “Three Mothers” films. (The latter would be aptly fitting, since the Italian auteur is on-board as an executive producer.) There is definitely something about place and its sinister history that exerts power over the present in Charlotte Colbert’s feature directorial debut, She Will, which opens Friday in New York.

The frosty Ghent will be a difficult assignment for her nurse, Desi Hatoum, but viewers will soon understand why she is so bitter. Having just endured a double mastectomy, the former sex symbol learned her former director-lover, Eric Hathbourne is making a sequel to their greatest hit, without her. His career seems to be cruising along just fine, even though it is an open secret he had an inappropriate relationship with the underaged Ghent back then.

She wants to block out all news of Hathbourne and the rural artists’ retreat is just the place to do it. It was built on the outskirts of a forest where women were burned during the Scottish witch-hunting era. Of course, it also happens to be smack dab in the middle of a cellular dead zone. Not surprisingly, Ghent can’t stand the artsy types, but she is strangely “receptive” to the environment.

She Will is a dynamite debut that is not well-served buy reductive labels like “#metoo horror,” or whatever. It is enormously stylish and heavily atmospheric, but also ambiguous with respects to its supernatural goings-on, in the right kind of way. As Ghent, Alice Krige truly becomes a grand dame of horror, in the tradition of Joan Bennett in Dark Shadows and the original Suspiria or Tilda Swinton in the remake. She is regal and also quite something to deal with.