Calling
it “Die Hard in a hospital” gives it too much credit, but at least it stars
Bruce Willis. That means the super-prolific star of almost-straight-to-DVD
thrillers is now starting to rip himself off. However, his character will spend
most of the film on the streets, doing police stuff. That leaves an injured
witness to fend for herself when crooked cops come to kill her in Matt Eskandari’s
Trauma Center, now available on DVD and VOD, the kind of film that could
have self-quarantiners asking: “what the heck was that?”
San
Juan Police Det. Wakes’ snitch has just been killed by the ring of dirty cops
he was about to expose. His moronic partner soon follows him into permanent
early retirement. However, there is a witness, Madison Taylor, whose rebellious
sister Emily has also been admitted, following a nasty asthma attack (potential
hostage alert). Shock has obscured Taylor’s memory of the attack, but the
shooters will still come after her, because meat-headed Det. Pierce lodged a
traceable bullet in her leg. (They also pumped several rounds into Wakes’
partner, but supposedly those were carefully fired to obliterate against hard
surfaces—or something like that.
Wakes
moves Taylor to the infectious disease floor for safe keeping (that will be a
red herring for hyper-conscious viewers mindful of the Wuhan virus—which did
indeed originate in Wuhan). Unfortunately, Pierce and the slightly smarter Sgt.
Tull flash their badges and lock down the floor. The cat-and-mouse business proceeds
from there.
The
weird thing about these slapped-together films is how good Willis is in them. Maybe
it helps that his screen-time is comparatively limited, but he is still the
only one who really shows any star power. Regardless, everyone would surely
agree nobody better represents Puerto Rico than Bruce Willis and Nicky Whelan.
They must have some boffo film production tax incentives there.
To
be fair, Whelan does a decent job of portraying Tylor’s development from
freaked out victim to empowered action heroine. Texas Battle and Tito Ortiz
certainly look thuggish as Tull and Pierce, but nobody would confuse them for criminal
masterminds. For extra added randomness, Steve Guttenberg (Mahoney in Police
Academy 1 through 186) pops up briefly as the guilt-tripping Dr.
Jones.
So
basically, screenwriter Paul Da Silva invites us to question the competency of
Puerto Rico’s health care and law enforcement. That should help hasten their
recovery. It is not a great film by any measure, but at least Eskandari
executes with professional competency. We’ve seen worse. Right, so that is what
this is. If you’re really bored, Trauma Center is currently available on
DVD and VOD.
