Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Featuirng the Voice of Keanu Reeves

Sonic is so fast, he outran Covid, grossing almost $150 million domestic (over $300 million worldwide) on a mid-February 2020 opening. Of course, his tail was cut somewhat short due to theater closures, but the sequel made even more money. Running is what Sonic does best, but he struggles with tasks that require quiet subtlety, or as his fans would say, the boring stuff. With the second film, Sega fans got even more of what they want and the trend continues in Jeff Fowler’s Sonic the Hedgehog 3, which opens this Friday in theaters.

Sonic is a big blue talking alien hedgehog who came to Earth in the first film after his guardian was tragically killed. In the second film, Sonic met his constant companions, Miles Prower a sensitive fox and Knuckles, a pugilistic echidna. Their longtime nemesis remains Dr. Ivo Robotnik, a.k.a. Eggman, but the former government scientist turned supervillain has lately fallen on hard times.

Apparently, another evil genius re-purposed Robotnik’s special drones to attack G.U.N., the Men-in-Black like agency (but with proper uniforms) that handles aliens like Sonic—and frees Shadow the Hedgehog, Sonic’s evil equivalent, from his cryogenic prison. Perhaps Sonic and Robotnik will forge a temporary alias to save the world from Shadow, or perhaps not.

Sonic’s whole deal is his speed, so Fowler duly delivers scene after scene of his fleet footwork. It might be true to the character and the games, but for non-fans, the repetition grows dull. Fortunately, the new film also brings back James Marsden and Tika Sumpter as Tom and Maddie Wachowski, because they have surprisingly endearing chemistry together and help supply the human touch the film needs more of.

Admittedly, Idris Elba’s gruff voice-overs as Knuckles are so consistently amusing, it is easy to see why his character starred in the spin-off streaming series. Likewise, Keanu Reeves growls with Method-level intensity as Shadow, having reportedly done his Sonic homework. On the other hand, Ben Schwartz might have the right tone for Sonic according to what fans expect, but adults unfamiliar with the franchise will be underwhelmed by his brashly juvenile-sounding portrayal of Sonic. Yet, he remains palatable.

On the other hand, a little of Jim Carrey, as Robotnik (and in a not-so-secret dual role), goes a long, long, long way. Seriously, Carrey piles shtick on top of shtick, while mugging and pratfalling like both his face and bones are made out of rubber. It quickly grows tiresome.

Dark Crimes: The Amok Murder Case Not Really Adapted on Film

For some reason, the real life Polish police detective named Jacek Wrobelowski, or “Jack Sparrow” as his colleagues waggishly point out, has been renamed a more pedestrian Tadek. Perhaps more understandably, they water-down the post-modernist criticism and theorizing his investigation inspired. Instead, director Alexandros Avranas and screenwriter Jeremy Brock make lurid sex tediously dull in Dark Crimes (trailer here), which opens this Friday in New York.

According to the credits, Dark Crimes is based on “True Crime: A Postmodern Murder Mystery,” written by David Grann, author of nonfiction book adapted as The Lost City of Z. However, basically only the fundamental premise remains recognizable. The middle-aged Tadek starts investigating literary bad boy Kozlow, because there are details of a real-life murder in his American Psycho-like novel that only the police and the killer would know (just like Krystian Bala’s Amok).

In the film, the author and the victim were often patrons of a rather notorious sex club ominously named The Cage. It was there Kozlow met Kasia, a drug-addicted and much-abused employee, who became the mother of his daughter. Turning her could be the key to Tadek’s case, but he has more to worry about than the media-savvy Kozlow. Gregor, the original investigating officer, has since been appointed chief of police. Not surprisingly, he wants to keep the cold case ice cold.

Grann’s original article is fascinating, but none of the interesting parts made the transition into this film, which is just stupid and boring. Admittedly, it does not help that Jim Carrey is wildly miscast as Tadek. At least Marton Csokas chews the scenery as like the Devil Incarnate as Kozlow, but Avranas has so thoroughly stacked the deck against him with all the sexual creepiness, it makes it impossible to follow the film when it invites us to transfer our rooting interest from cop to accused. However, it is really frustrating to see the great Charlotte Gainsbourg playing the degrading role Kasia (it is so humiliating, she has to have rough sex with Jim Carrey).

Basically, Brock’s adaptation tries to rewrite the recent history so well-established in Grann’s article, but for what conceivable purpose? Frankly, his mytho-adaptation is riddled with sins, including questionable motivations, weak causal relationships, and excessive slack. However, at least we can say Carrey is funny again, for the first time in years. He is trying to be intense and brooding, but he looks hilariously uncomfortable every second of the film. That is not much, but its all Dark Crimes has. Not recommended under any circumstance, Dark Crimes opens this Friday (5/18) in New York, at the Cinema Village.