Wednesday, December 07, 2022


You could easily fill half a dozen cemeteries with the YouTubers and influencers who get their shallow selves killed in horror movies. That’s why we know what to expect when Kali Fyre vlogs her friends’ annual boozy river frolics, even if they don’t. The yokel sounds crazy when he warns them the river is in a nasty mood this year, but he is not wrong in Zac Locke’s #FLOAT, which releases tomorrow on VOD.

Frye’s boyfriend Jackson isn’t supportive of her vlogging, because he doesn’t consider it a real job. She is just short of 2,000 followers, but her friend Dee still can’t be bothered to follow her. Only her friend Madison really offers her any encouragement. Zola and her baby-daddy ex-Blake (whom Dee inexplicably has a thing for), can’t even support their daughter Thea, whom they have irresponsibly brought on the friends’ traditional debauched outing.

It would be different this year anyway, since this it is their first time back since their late pal Chuy drowned in a drunken, drugged-out stupor. They still feel guilty about that, but they refuse to listen to the Cassandra-like redneck, who keeps warning them “the river took him.”

Locke tries to maintain a sense of ambiguity whether
#FLOAT is a slasher or a supernatural horror movie, but it is obvious to everyone except the empty-headed Millennials the ginger-bearded mountain man is a harmless red herring. Unfortunately, Locke is so determined to maintain the uncertainty of what is afoot, the pacing suffers badly as a result. This is a weirdly languid horror film. The title is rather ironically appropriate—but “#DRIFT” would be even more accurate.

Somehow, the film manages to make its would-be influencer both dull and annoying. Of all the partiers, only Scarlett Sperduto’s Madison stands out for her energy-level and presence. Matt Wise also has some reasonably fruitful bug-eyed moments as the redneck the credits refer to as “Creepy.”

Admittedly, Locke tries to be somewhat ambitious in
#FLOAT, which is admirable, but it comes at the expense of tension and thrills. The results simply are not distinctive or scary enough to recommend, when it releases tomorrow (12/8) on VOD.