Armed Response: Wesley Snipes and Anne Heche Fight an A.I. Program

It is probably always a bad idea to give artificial intelligence programs nicknames with religious connotations. This immersive biometric truth-seeking “lie-detector” AI facility is often referred to as a “Temple.” Wesley Snipes and his team of commandos might just get some religion when they are trapped inside it in John Stockwell’s Armed Response (trailer here), which opens today in New York.

Gabe Arcona designed the Temple systems (too well), but he has been on a boozy extended leave after the horrible death of his daughter. He is not over it, but team leader Isaac needs to pull him back in anyway. A team guarding a Temple has gone dark, so Arcona will have to figure out what happened. Of course, they find the entire detachment has been murdered, under baffling circumstances.

The only survivor is a known terrorist discovered in the isolation chamber, but he is just as clueless as they are. Given he is driven more by opportunism than religion, freelance warlord might be a more apt description, but terrorism is the crime he is wanted for. Yet, for some reason, the Temple interfered with the TSA facial recognition programs, paving his way to the secret installation.

Before too long, strange goings-on start to rattle Isaac and his team. Arcona also begins to suspect something not so on the up-and-up transpired with the squad during his absence. His ill-concealed suspicions cause friction, particularly with the knuckle-dragging Brett, played by professional wrestler Seth Rollins, which gives you an idea of his persona.

John Stockwell is a slickly competent genre director who has helmed legitimately entertaining but not exactly prestigious films like Kid Cannabis, In the Blood, and the body-slamming reboot, Kickboxer: Vengeance. He most likely brought the film in on-time and under-budget, but even he has trouble balancing the films guns-and-brawn action with its uncanny elements, especially as the latter become increasingly illogical and nonsensical.

It is a good thing Snipes is on the one-sheet or else we might forget he is in this movie. Apparently, he is the Picard of swaggering, testosterone-charged commandos instead of a Kirk. For what it’s worth, Dave Annable is surprisingly grounded and convincing as the grief-stricken Arcona. That really is Anne Heche portraying Riley, the sensitive commando, but she plays it straight and fully committed. Snipes is in there someplace, while Rollins thugs it up, to the hilt.

Throughout the first two acts, Response is rather entertaining, in a meathead kind of way. Unfortunately, the big secret Isaac and company are hiding casts our courageous intelligence officers and military service personnel in a highly unflattering light, which is a disappointment, especially considering it was co-produced buy WWE Studios and Gene Simmons’ shingle. You would think if anyone would be sympathetic to the service and sacrifice of the CIA and U.S. military, it would be pro wrestling and the Israeli-American co-leader of KISS. Alas, the resulting film is no Kickboxer: Vengeance. Ultimately quite disappointing, Armed Response opens today (8/4) in New York, at the Cinema Village.

Nothing Left to Fear: Welcome to Stull, Kansas, Pop. 666

As former Art Bell listeners are surely aware, Stull, Kansas has quite the reputation. Supposedly, you will find the staircase to Hell there. Other strange phenomenon have been attributed to the dusty burg, but a new film set in 666-ville completely squanders its weird mythos.  Instead, the scariest this about this paint-by-numbers horror show is the fact it bills itself as the first film from Slasher Films, Guns ‘n’ Roses guitarist Slash’s production company, because that implies there will be more.  On the eve of its DVD release, Anthony Leonardi III’s Nothing Left to Fear (trailer here) opens this Friday in New York.

It looks like the America we know, but in this alternate reality Al Gore never invented the internet.  How else could the city fathers keep luring innocent families to town so they can be sacrificed? Hey, somebody’s blood has to re-seal the gate to Hell.  Naturally, the ringleader of the infernal cabal is the village pastor.  He is convinced this is simply the town’s cross to bear, like the idiot uncle who must endured at holiday meals.  The latest suckers are the Pastor Dan Branford and his family.  He thinks he has been recruited to succeed the retiring Pastor Kingsman, but he would be wrong.

As soon as the move in, their teenage daughter Rebecca starts having nightmarish visions.  Soon thereafter, her younger sister comes down with a demonic case of nausea after biting a prehistoric canine tooth hidden in a housewarming cake.  It all seems rather strange, but Rebecca does not have much time to think about it. She already has a date set up with Noah, Stull’s undisputed brooding champion.

Frankly, Fear is so tired and predictable, it leaves viewers plenty of time to ponder the head-scratching inappropriateness of its Rooseveltian title. It is also kind of mind-boggling to see Anne Heche play the mom and a preacher’s wife in a horror movie.  Former Wizards of Waverly Place star Jennifer Stone also looks out of place for multiple reasons as the increasingly Gollum-ish Mary.  Even Clancy Brown, who is ordinarily genre gold, looks like he is mailing it in during a government shut-down as Pastor Kingsman.

Once again a Christian clergyman acts as a creepy tool of evil.  Remember when The Exorcist featured a Catholic priest sacrificing himself to save an innocent.  It was only the second biggest film of 1974, eventually grossing over 230 million dollars after several re-releases.  Left to Fear certainly won’t be repeating its mistakes. Yet, what is perhaps most baffling is the lack of reported Stull legends.  It seems there has been a lot of talk about the cemetery, a hanging tree, a “devil’s road,” and young boy burned to death by his father, but you will not find any of that here.  Left to Fear does not even have a staircase worthy of a heavy metal album cover.

Regardless, the greatest sin of Left to Fear is its dull pokiness. While it is among the first of a raft of horror movies releasing this month, it is also among the least.  Not recommended, Nothing Left to Fear opens tomorrow (10/4) in New York at the AMC Empire.