The Romans built some astounding aqueducts, but nobody cares. We’re just
interested in the bloodsport of the Colosseum and the hedonism of their
bacchanals. Viewers should be happy to hear Ridley Scott’s sequel to his
Oscar-winning Gladiator is an aqueduct-free zone, but it has plenty of the
other stuff. Politically, Rome has gone from bad to worse, but it retains its
military might. However, an enslaved warrior like Lucius could prove Rome’s
downfall in Scott’s Gladiator II, which opens Friday pretty much
everywhere.
Marcus
Acacius is a loyal general of Rome, so he conquers the North African kingdom of
Numidia as his twin Emperors ordered, even though the carnage sickens him. Of
course, the captured Lucius cannot see his inner turmoil, just his commanding
presence, so he vows vengeance against Acacius as his proxy for the Roman Empire.
Macrinus
happily promises Lucius the opportunity for payback sometime in the future. The
former slave turned powerbroker recognizes the value of Lucius’s anger as the
star attraction of his stable of gladiators. He also has his own reasons for
wishing misfortune on Acacius.
As
fate would have it, Acacius is the current lover of Lucilla, the daughter of
the late Marcus Aurelius, Rome’s last decent emperor. Her former lover, Maximus
Decimus Meridius (a.k.a. Russell Crowe) sacrificed himself to protect her son Lucius
Verus from her brother, the tyrannical Emperor Commodus. Of course, as soon as
Lucilla sees Macrinus’s Lucius, she knows he is her Lucius.
As
bad as Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) was, the mad co-emperors Geta and Caracalla
are even worse. Rome would be much better off if Acacius, Lucilla, and
distinguished elder statesmen like Senator Gracchus (Derek Jacobi, the only
other holdover from the first film) plot a successful revolt, but Macrinus
conspires against them for his own perverse reasons, using Lucius as a pawn.
Thanks
to Connie Nielsen’s return as Lucilla, Gladiator II should satisfy fans
of the original film, by fulfilling the destiny of the child she gave up so
much to protect. Ironically, those who have not seen the first film recently, might
instead be struck by the similarities to Peacock’s Those About to Die. Both
feature social climbers using their control of a gladiator faction to gain the
trust of unhinged emperors, but in the streaming series, viewers are expected
to root for the roguish Tanax, while Macrinus is flamboyantly but irredeemably
villainous. (Coincidently, both productions also flood the Colosseum, forcing
the gladiators to face off against sharks in special naval-themed spectacles.)
Frankly,
Paul Mescal does a nice job filling Crowe’s sandals, but the real stars of Gladiator
II are Nielsen and Denzel Washington as Lady Lucilla and devious Macrinus. She
provides the apostolic connection to the first film, while conveying the
classically tragic dimensions to her maternal woe, whereas Washington is just
fun to watch.
The Archangel Michael is a celestial badass according to Christianity,
Judaism, and Islam. In Paradise Lost, he kicked Satan’s butt and
banished him to Hell. Consider this the horror movie sequel. He is still the
sort of angel who would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission, so jumps
right in (into a dead priest’s body) when a cult of Satanists steal the Shroud
of Turin. They’re only getting started in Nathan Frankowski’s insane film The
Devil Conspiracy, which opens Friday in theaters.
Comparative
religions student Laura Milton (fittingly) is present in the Turin exhibition when
an elite team of Satan’s minions, led by the mysterious Liz, steal the shroud.
They also kidnap Milton, suspecting she could be “useful,” but they leave her
friend, Father Marconi for dead. However, with his dying breath, he graciously offers
himself as an earthly vessel to Michael, who accepts.
It
turns out Liz and Dr. Laurent, her evil geneticist, need the shroud to clone
Christ’s DNA, to use him as a vessel for their dark lord. They tried before
with regular mortals, but they were not strong enough to withstand the evil one’s
power and rage. Conveniently, the unfortunate Milton looks like an excellent
candidate to carry and birth their unholy infant.
This
is definitely a Revelations-level crisis, but Michael quickly lays plans for
his assault on their stronghold. He only stops for some intel gathered by Cardinal
Vincini, a hardline demonologist, who was packed off into retirement, because
he was considered a little too intense. Recent events have certainly vindicated
him, but neither he or Michael is inclined to much care what people think.
One
can only wonder what the Saints in Heaven might think of this film. It is
basically Paradise Lost mixed with Jurassic Park, on an angel dust
bender. This is the most over-the-top, deranged horror film to get a professional
release since Will Klipstine’s The Harbinger, but that film somehow comes
together at the end, whereas Devil Conspiracy undermines a lot of its wacky
good will with a spirit-crushing seen-it-a-million-times-before ending,
obviously intended to set up a sequel.
It
is a shame, because most of the third act sustains a frenzy archetypal good
versus evil clashes, executed through guns-blazing action sequences. This film
literally goes to Hell and back several times over. The focal point for it all
is the Satanists’ nifty looking fortress, supposedly erected over the crack in
the Earth, where Michael pile-drove Satan into Hell.
