There
is a long but inconsistent tradition of killer spider movies. The diverse ranks
of mutant arachnid fighters include William Shatner in Kingdom of Spiders,
Barbara “Perry Mason” Hale and Alan “Skipper” Hale Jr. in The Giant
Spider Invasion, Scarlett Johansson in Eight Legged Freaks, and
Godzilla in Son of Godzilla. This is the latest one. There is also a bit
of antiquity plundering and some House M.D.-style Vicodin-popping in
Micah Gallo’s Itsy Bitsy, which is now playing in Los Angeles.
Ever
since the death of her middle child, Kara Spencer has been on a downward
spiral. She self-medicates and has trouble holding nursing gigs. She has just
uprooted her surviving children, 13-year-old Jesse and 8-year-old Cambria, so
she can serve as the live-in caregiver for Walter Clark, a wealthy collector of
dubiously acquired antiquities.
Frankly,
Clark did not even ask for the latest addition to his holdings. That big black
egg was given to him by Ahkeeba, his former expedition leader, who insists Clark
offer it a “sacrifice.” Clark does not believe in mumbo jumbo, so Ahkeeba tries
to steal it back, but he breaks the relic in the process, releasing a strain of
highly potent mutant spider larvae. Soon, the eight-legged monsters are
crawling all over the place.
There
are some amusingly goey spider effects, which makes sense, considering Gallo cut
his teeth doing post work on films like the Hatchet franchise. However,
it feels like there is considerably more family melodrama that most genre fans
could really do without. Frankly, the spiders could do their worst to virtually
all the human characters and we wouldn’t care.
Still,
it is worth watching Oscar-nominated (for Longtime Companion) Bruce
Davison bring another intriguing screen persona to life as crusty old Clark. He
has his moments, but he is not the focus of the film (and it is debatable whether
the spiders are either). Denise Crosby adds further genre interest playing
Sheriff Jane Dunne, but she is stuck with some strangely corny dialogue.
Believe
it not, the best killer spider movie of the decade might just be Jaime
Dezcallar’s Spanish short film, The Bird Spider. Arguably, Itsy Bitsy
is only a bit of an improvement over low budget knock-offs like the
pedestrianly named Spiders. Not recommended, Itsy Bitsy is now
screening in Greater LA County at the Laemmle Glendale.
