London Fields Finally Opens

After the success of Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl, the unreliable narrator became all the rage in popular fiction, but Martin Amis had already been there and done that. Admittedly, his untrustworthy story-teller was a bloke rather than a “girl,” but the principal is the same. In this case, he also happened to be a failed novelist—an Amisian trope if ever there was one (see The Information). Long mired in legal and financial wrangling, Amis’s celebrated deceptive narrator finally gets a theatrical release, but he is not fooling anyone in Matthew Cullen’s London Fields (trailer here), which opens today in New York.

Thus far, Samson Young’s literary career has been a miserable failure, but he picked the perfect time to visit London. Apocalyptic riots break out nightly across the city, but the lack of tourism meant the terminally ill writer could swing a flat exchange with pompous bestselling novelist Mark Asprey, swapping his crummy Hell’s Kitchen apartment for the tony London pad. As a further fringe benefit, Young discovers Asprey also has quite a beautiful neighbor in Nicola Six, who might just provide the inspiration for the page-turner he never had in him.

Young quickly learns Six has foretold the exact time of her death, which is fast approaching. However, she only knows she will be murdered—not by whom. For impishly perverse reasons, Six seems determined to help fate along, by stoking the lust and jealousy of the two leading suspects: flamboyant small-time hoodlum Keith Talent and petulantly entitled gentry-lad Guy Clinch. Young is convinced he can just record this real-life “novel” unfolding around him to finally score his bestseller.

The biggest problem with Roberta Hanley’s adapted screenplay is that we can immediately guess the big twist as soon as the film establishes all the main characters. Maybe it is all Gillian Flynn’s fault, but even if the troubled film had been released before Fincher’s Gone Girl, Cullen and Hanley simply do not incorporate enough misdirection to carry off the surprise. That is especially problematic, since they have stripped away most of the idiosyncrasy of Amis’s novel, opting to focus on the D.O.A.-ish noir plot-strand.

To give you an idea how long Fields has been held up, way back when it went into production, it was still considered a good idea to have Amber Heard and Johnny Depp in the same film. Depp is strangely uncredited, but that is probably for the best, considering his recent career setbacks. Frankly, he and Jim Sturgess are cringe-inducingly embarrassing as Talent and Chick Purchase, his pimped-out loan shark and professional darts nemesis. Admittedly, Heard is stuck with an underwritten character in Six, but at least she makes a credibly smoldering femme fatale. Theo James fares somewhat better than Sturgess as the shallow and easily manipulated Clinch, even though he is rather bland and forgettable.

In contrast, Billy Bob Thornton is unusually restrained as Young, but he still manages to chew a good bit of scenery. Frankly, Jason Isaacs largely steals the show, which is kind of sad, because most of his work as Asprey comes via voice messages to Young, sort of like the opening answering machine gag that always launched the Rockford Files credits.

To give credit where it is due, cinematographer Guillermo Navarro makes all look fabulously noir and stylish. The electronic score credited to Toydrum, Benson Taylor, and Adam Barber is also percussively propulsive, sounding quite appealingly influenced by Birdman and earlier crime jazz. Unfortunately, any viewer with any pop culture savvy will be way ahead of this film, which gives them plenty of time to lose patience with the shtickiness of Depp and Sturgess. It is not nearly as hideous as it is cracked up to be, but London Fields still isn’t recommended when it opens today (10/26) in New York, at the AMC Empire.

Into the Grizzly Maze: Hear Billy Bob Growl

Remember the Reagan commercial warning there might be a bear in the woods, so we should prepare for every contingency? Well, there really is a grizzly in this forest and he is super pissed off. Even Billy Bob Thornton might not be enough to stop him in David Hackl’s guilty pleasure Into the Grizzly Maze (trailer here), which opens this Friday in New York.

Rowan the recently paroled ex-con had no intention of telling his sheriff’s deputy brother Beckett he was back in town, but an untimely brawl foiled that plan. The only reason he slunk home was to find his old friend, Johnny Cadillac. The Native American guide had not been seen since taking a dicey group of poachers into grizzly country. As Rowan heads off in search of the buddy who is probably pretty darned dead by now judging from the prologue, Beckett’s deaf zoologist wife Michelle also ventures out to monitor some of the bears she has tagged. Although she refuses to talk about the years she spent in a Ukrainian boarding school, Beckett fell for her hard, swearing off hunting to please her.

Soon the remaining pieces of a group of illegal loggers are found. Basically, they are just a couple of hands still attached to their chainsaws, but even Sheriff “Sully” has to admit this was no boating accident. Slightly concerned, Beckett rushes into the forest hoping to find his wife and brother. Kaley, the town doctor who happens to be Rowan’s ex, tags along, so they will have a fourth hand for bridge. Unfortunately, once they all awkwardly reunite, the bear cuts off their escape route, forcing them to traverse the treacherous Grizzly Maze. Meanwhile, understanding this is one highly motivated bear they are dealing with, Sully recruits the services of Douglass, a weird creepy guy hunter, who has a particular thing for bears.

So yes, the bear is definitely the smartest character in Grizzly Maze. Yet, despite the conspicuous CGI grizzly attacks, there is a primal effectiveness to the film. The colorful supporting cast certainly helps, particularly dudes like Scott Glenn and Billy Bob Thornton. As soon as we see them, we know what to expect from Sully and Douglass, respectively. To be fair, the latter is given a bit of backstory, but it basically boils down to: he hates bears.

As Beckett and Michelle, Thomas Jane and Piper Perabo look suitably outdoorsy, but James Marsden’s Rowan maybe not so much. It is also a shame Adam Beach is so quickly dispatched as poor Cadillac. Still, Bart the Bear is fully capable of carrying the film as the predator known as “Red Machine” in some listings.

To recap, Grizzly Maze has a big honking bear, much death and dismemberment, and Billy Bob Thornton. It’s rather fun in a meathead kind of way. Recommended for b-movie fans with modest expectations, Into the Grizzly Maze is already available on VOD and opens this Friday (6/26) in select theaters.

The Baytown Outlaws: Necks Don’t Get Much Redder Than This

Speak & Spells must have trouble with the word subtle, because the Oodie Brothers are clearly not familiar with it.  It doesn’t seem to mean much to director-co-writer Barry Battles either, but he certainly knows his Skynyrd and how to stage an over-the-top shootout.  Viewers are in store for plenty of redneck exploitation action when Battles’ The Baytown Outlaws (trailer here) opens this Friday in New York.

The Oodies are good at killing.  Of course, it helps not having to worry about getting collared.  They are the secret weapon of Sheriff Henry Millard, who turns the boys on loose on every other deadbeat criminal in his county, thereby keeping the crime rate impressively low.  As the film opens, they have made a minor mistake, wiping out the wrong house full of thugs.  It is nothing Millard cannot cover-up, but there is a witness.  Duly impressed, Celeste Martin and her Daisy Dukes hire the Oodie Brother to whack her gangster ex-husband Carlos Lyman and safely return her godson, Rob.  Complications and bodies ensue.

It turns out Rob is basically a human bearer bond.  Presumably developmentally disabled and confined to a wheelchair, Rob will soon inherit a sizable trust fund, which will be controlled by his guardian.  He is more than the Oodies bargained for.  Nonetheless, they quickly warm to the lad in scenes that play like the Sons of Anarchy version of Savannah Smiles.  Have no fear, sentimentality is not Baytown’s priority.  Frankly, one gets the feeling the set erupted in laughter as soon as Battles yelled cut on the film’s big emotional scenes.

Baytown really bares its soul when five suggestively clad biker assassin babes tangle with the Oodies.  Ranging somewhere between a Southern-fried indie and an outright midnight movie, Battles goes for defiantly violent laughs and gets almost as many as Django Unchained in about half the time. 

This is no classic, but everyone is game, particularly Billy Bob Thornton, obviously enjoying every word of Lyman’s shamelessly politically incorrect dialogue.  Although he never speaks a syllable (relying instead on said Speak & Spell), Daniel Cudmore (Colossus in the X-Men franchise) has a real physical presence as Lincoln Oodie.  Clayne Crawford and Travis Fimmel also exhibit admirable energy as Brick and McQueen Oodie, respectively (but sometimes it is rather hard to tell them apart).  Eva Longoria does not have much to do beyond wear her short shorts and shoot a few guns, but Martin is still some of her best screen work, maybe ever.

Eschewing the faux vintage grindhouse look done to death in films like Hobo with a Shotgun, Battles keeps the meathead fodder snappy.  The occasional animated snippets lend Baytown additional character.  An entertaining guilty pleasure, The Baytown Outlaws is recommended for those who can appreciate its slightly sleazy charms when it opens this Friday (1/11) in New York at the Cinema Village.