S.M.A.R.T. Chase: Orlando Bloom’s Shanghai Job

In today’s go-go Shanghai, transporting valuable art should be a high-growth business. Unfortunately, Danny Stratton’s company suffers when they lose a Van Gogh in the prologue. However, they will have a chance for redemption when his closest competitor is killed in a car bombing. The whole living-and-breathing thing will definitely give him a competitive advantage, but he wants some payback to go with his comeback in Charles Martin’s British-Chinese co-pro S.M.A.R.T. Chase (trailer here), which opens today in New York.

One minute, Stratton is riding high in the back of an armored car and before you know it, he is doing demeaning bodyguard work for club kids. His core group stayed with his company (Security Management Action Recovery Team): the grizzled hardnose, Mach Ren, the martial arts specialist J. Jae An, and the drone flying computer geek teen, Ding Dong Tang. Alas, Stratton’s sort of fiancée, Ling Mo (Mach’s niece) throws him over, because she gets sick of his self-pity. Yet, she helps him get back in the game with a contract to transport a priceless vase. When the gang that stole the Van Gogh takes a run at the vase, Stratton goes off script, deciding to play for all the marbles.

As far as action movie premises go, this one is perfectly fine, but Martin and screenwriter Kevin Bernhardt never take it far enough. The producers really should have brought in a moonlighter from Jonnie To’s Milkway Image to punch it up. Instead, all of the action scenes have a rather competent blandness to them.

Still, it is great fun to watch Simon Yam play a slightly unhinged character like Mach, even when he is half-asleep, which seems to be the case here. Orlando Bloom is better than you might expect as Stratton, but that bleach-blond look is such a mistake. Even though An is not much of a character, Hannah Quinlivan shows all kinds of future potential as she struts through the film. Yet, the honors for effort and execution go to Jing Liang, who vamps it up as villainess Tara Yen, whose fingers nails are the most memorable aspect of the film. On the other hand, Martin unforgivably squanders Shi Yanneng/Xing Yu and his real deal Shaolin chops as Long Fei, Yen’s chief henchman.

Given the terrific supporting cast, S.M.A.R.T. Chase (a.k.a. The Shanghai Job, a.k.a. S.M.A.R.T.: Dragon and Phoenix, a.k.a. Smart Chase: Fire & Earth) really ought to be several times better than it is, especially since Bloom isn’t so bad as a martial arts lead. You also have to wonder if the compulsively busy Yam still remembers filming S.M.A.R.T. Whatever. It feels like it was deliberately made to be a time killer to watch on international flights. Not really recommended, but just sort of eh, S.M.A.R.T. Chase opens today (8/31) in New York, at the Cinema Village.

7 Guardians of the Tomb: Li Bingbing, Tomb Raider

China has a love-hate relationship with tomb spelunkers. The government rails against western looters and demands the restitution of national antiquities. On the other hand, some of China’s bestselling novel, film, and television franchises feature Lara Croft-Indiana Jones-style characters, including the Ghost Blows Out the Light and Daomu Biji books that have spawned competing film and television adaptations. At least this Chinese-Australian co-production develops its own “original” mythology. It is all very ridiculous, but it is still good clean fun to head into the ancient lair with producer Li Bingbing in Kimble Rendall’s 7 Guardians of the Tomb (trailer here), which opens this Friday in Los Angeles.

As an expert in poisonous venoms, Dr. Jia Lee could be quite useful on this outing, but she also has a personal stake. It is her adventurer brother Luke who is missing. He had been searching for a fabled emperor’s tomb that supposedly holds his alchemist’s secret rejuvenating elixir or some such thing. Apparently, his potion worked, he just got tired of his boss, or so we can glean from confusing costumed flashbacks.

Regardless, the expedition funded by cosmetics-pharma tycoon Mason Kitteridge, an old family friend of the Lees and Luke’s boss, is about to get chased underground by a Biblically-sized sandstorm. The good new is Luke’s GPS is still faintly transmitting. The bad news is millions of highly organized killer spiders stand between Dr. Jia’s ragtag group and her brother.

Guardians (the whole “7” business is obviously just a ploy to get it listed highly in VOD menus) aims to please during its economical eighty-three minute running time, offering up plenty of booby traps, ancient clues, and creepy-crawly arachnids. Li is a highly credible action lead—arguably more so than Kellan Lutz acting petulant as the boorish search-and-rescue expert, Jack Ridley. Stef Dawson, Jason Chong, and Shane Jacobson add some color and seasoning as the expedition’s communications specialist, archeologist, and blokey comic relief, respectively. However, the real MVP is Kelsey Grammer, who definitely came to play, which means he chews the scenery with a vengeance as arrogant old Kitteridge.

The tomb trappings are decent and the spider effects are good enough to freak out an arachnophobe. The backstory really makes no sense whatsoever and the rest of the story isn’t exactly rigorously logical either. It’s not Raiders of the Lost Ark (neither was the last Indiana Jones movie, for that matter), but it is enjoyable to see Li take the lead and Grammer do his villainous thing. Despite his extensive sitcom work, he really has a talent for playing bad guys. As a guilty pleasure, 7 Guardians of the Tomb is a perfect hangover VOD movie, so be advised when it opens this Friday (2/23) in LA at the Laemmle Music Hall and also releases through the On Demand platform.

Coffee: The First Chinese-Italian Co-Production

It happened under the radar, but Pu’er and the surrounding Yunnan region have made China one of the world leaders in boutique coffee harvesting. Coffee roasting and distribution is still an important industry in Trieste, Italy, so the kind bean somewhat logically supplies common ground for the first ever Chinese-Italian co-production. So how does that relate to Antwerp? Maybe if they drank more coffee there, they would have the energy to find a job, instead of resorting to looting during riots. Regardless, these three not-really-connected stories are like Babel, but with more caffeine. Coffee plays an important role in the lives of all three protagonists in Cristiano Bortone’s Coffee (trailer here), which opens tomorrow in Los Angeles.

Hamed is a naturalized Belgian pawnbroker, who treats all his customers with unprofitable compassion. Alas, the ugly Occupy-style mob could care less as it tears through the urban center of Antwerp. Hamed is understandably distressed to find his shop has been completely looted, including the antique coffee pot that has been in his family for generations. However, the unemployable Vincent left behind his wallet. The inevitable confrontation will not go well for anyone.

Meanwhile, Renzo and his pregnant girlfriend Gaia move to Trieste, hoping to find specialized employment in the coffee industry. Although is buddy fixes him up with a warehouse job, Renzo soon falls in with the wrong crowd, particularly Enrico, who hatches a ridiculous scheme to steal a shipment of ultra-exclusive beans.

That exotic coffee originally hailed from Yunnan, as did Ren Fei. He has since found corporate success in Beijing, especially after his engagement to the chairman’s daughter. After years in the capitol, Ren Fei must now return to assure the Pu’er factory quickly returns to production after a minor accident. Rather inconveniently, he discovers the facility is a ticking time bomb that could potentially contaminate the whole valley if more extensive repairs are not made. He has his orders, bur his conscience is pricked by A Fang, an artist and boutique coffee entrepreneur, who might just be his long-lost childhood friend.

By far, the best strands of Coffee are those set in Yunnan, which are wistfully lyrical. The Antwerp segments also have a gritty, naturalistic intensity to them. Rather oddly, Bortone’s Italian sequences are the weakest of the film, largely because Renzoi and Gaia are dull, uninvolving characters, but the stupidity of the would-be caper does not help either.

Hichem Yacoubi is terrific as Hamed, in a harrowingly intense kind of way. Zhuo Tan truly lights up the screen as A Fang, developing some sweetly chaste chemistry with Lu Fangsheng’s Ren Fei. Alas, Dario Aita and company in Trieste just don’t measure up to their Antwerp and Pu’er colleagues.

On the plus side, the production values are first-rate. Teho Teardo’s score is distinctively melancholy, while maintaining a buoyantly propulsive mid-tempo. Likewise, cinematographer Vladan Radovic gives it all a lush, sparkling look, fully capitalizing on the cinematic potential of Pu’er’s verdant vistas. As a work of cinema, it is definitely inconsistent, but there is enough good stuff to leave viewers craving a rich cup of Joe. Recommended on balance, Coffee opens tomorrow (2/9) in LA, at the Laemmle Royal.