In
horror movies, punishment is often outrageously disproportionate to the crime.
For instance, in this New Mexico town, failure to properly report an accident
can get you hacked to pieces. He is not a Progressive agent, he is a serial killer
who perversely exploits the expected information exchange following minor
accidents. When he rear-ends someone, the whiplash is pretty severe in Mark
Pavia’s Fender Bender (trailer here), which premieres
on Chiller this Friday.
The
hits just keep coming for Hillary this fateful day. First she learns her jerky
jock boyfriend Andy is two-timing her, then she has a minor fender-bender that
is absolutely not her fault, but still causes her parents to leave her home
alone on the weekend of a long planned family outing—to teach her
responsibility. Lets go back to the second bummer of her day. This is not an
innocent accident. It is “The Driver’s” M.O.
Assuring
the flustered teen it was all his fault and they need not involve the
authorities, the Driver initiates the ritual trading of phone numbers and
insurance information. He also includes a street address, which seems wholly
unnecessary, but his stressed-out victims inevitably follow suit. At least
Hillary has the presence of mind to snap some photos with her smart phone,
giving the Driver additional business to take care of when he comes round in
the evening. However, he will not catch her alone. To further complicate
matters, Hillary’s besties Rachel and Erik have come over to eat pizza and dis
on Andy.
Seriously,
Hillary’s parents ought to be tried as accessories. They have criminally bad
timing and appear constitutionally incapable of being helpful. Hillary really
doesn’t have crackerjack “final girl” instincts either. It is like she is
constantly begging the Driver to pop up on his feet again and re-commence terrorizing
her. Most Likely to Die looks like a
minor genre masterpiece in comparison, because its characters do exactly what
we would like to think we would do if we found ourselves in a 1980s style
slasher film.
It
is a shame because Makenzie Vega plays second act Hillary with some appealing
gumption. Bill Sage’s performance as the Driver is also nearly as creepy as his
“bring out the Gimp” fetish wardrobe. There is something very unsettling about
Pavia’s premise, sadistically exploiting the behavior norms of a minor traffic
accident. Yet, the predictably familiar ending pays off nothing, leaving us to
wonder why exactly Pavia wanted to take us to this place.
