Dominick
Dunne might have compared this dodgy British PM to Gary Condit, but we never
would, because such talk would be reckless and potentially libelous. Sadly, the
Chandra Levy murder remains unsolved, despite reports to the contrary, whereas
the sleazy Yates really did kill the intern he was having an affair with. Rather
inconveniently, Danni’s bag-messenger brother filmed it all on his bike helmet
cam. Make that her late brother. She will pedal for all she’s worth to bring
his killers to justice in Ian Bonhôte’s Alleycats
(trailer
here),
which releases today on VOD.
Naturally,
when the dumber-than-a-bag-full-of-hammers Chris realizes he has footage of a prominent
MP committing murder, he quickly starts blackmailing the evil sod. Actually,
someone else put him up to it—and they still aim to extort their hush money,
even when Yates’ French go-to-guy Rives kills Chris in an apparent hit-and-run
during one of his illegal Alleycat bike races.
Poor
Danni had only been back in the Alleycat racers’ squat for a day before Chris’s
death. Realizing one of his squat-mates must be the blackmailer, Danni starts
running her own investigation. Soon she teams up with Redman, the distraught
father of the missing-presumed dead intern. Soon they are shadowing Yates
around London on their bikes, with the reluctant assistance of her ex, Jake.
Alleycats is the sort of
film you keep watching and even care about on some minimal level for absolutely
no discernable reason. It has utterly no claims to originality and it can only
be described as competent in the most basic, rudimentary sense. Yet somehow Bonhôte
forces viewers to stick it out. Presumably, this is some sort of witchcraft at
work.
Admittedly,
Poldark’s Eleanor Tomlinson has real
screen presence—grungy yet regal, in this case. John Lynch also adds some
dignified angst as the despairing Redman. However, Sam Keeley and Josh
Whitehouse are each so colorless as Jake and Chris, respectively, it is hard to
tell them apart. Virgile Bramley sneers with admirable conviction as Rives, but
he looks and sounds way too conspicuous to be effective as a crooked pol’s
fixer. Even more problematically, notwithstanding all his scenery chewing on Spartacus, John Hannah (Four Weddings and a Funeral) just does
not look comfortable wallowing in Yates’ villainy.
