In
Red Prometheus, Dolores L. Augustine’s
invaluable history of East German engineering, many retired researchers
complained the DDR constantly demanded they reverse-engineer the latest
breakthroughs imported from the West. However, by doing so, they guaranteed East
German technology would never leap-frog the West. Apparently, the practice
still goes on, because this Russian superhero movie is transparently
reverse-engineered from The Avengers and
The X-Men. It is the same general formula,
but the execution is much cheesier throughout Sarik Andreasyan’s The Guardians (trailer here), which screens as
part this year’s Russian Film Week in London.
During
the Cold War, the super-secret SHIELD-like organization Patriot, commenced a
Super-soldier project of its own. The results were initially promising, but
squabbling between the project director and his Magneto-like rival August
Kuratov led to the project’s closure. Forty or fifty years later, the revived
Patriot agency must track-down and re-recruit their ageless test subjects to
foil Kuratov’s mad scheme for world domination.
Ler
is now living as a modern day Stylite in an abandoned Armenian monastery, but
his powers of telekinesis remain undiminished. Khan the Kazakh has Flash-like
speed, but the blades he wields make him far deadlier. The Russian Kseniya
works in some kind of Cirque de Soleil show, because she has the power to turn invisible
in water and to regulate her body temperature (except when she can’t), which
makes her a cross between Sue Richards, the Invisible Girl and Ethel Merman.
Arsus turns into a bear (sort of like Marvel’s Ursa Major).
Eventually,
Major Elena Larina, the hot Nick Fury, assembles the Guardians to take on
Kuratov, now decked out looking like Bane, but unfortunately, three of them are
captured shortly thereafter, while poor battered Ler is left for dead. Don’t
worry true believers, they still have some fight left in them, but they were
never much for brains.
Andreasyan
has some American credits to his name, so he has presumably seen a Marvel film
or ten. Sometimes the crude Russofication is almost comical, but there is no
denying the best thing about Guardians is
the badass bear. Frankly, the special effects are way better than you would
expect, but the script is even worse the you can imagine—except in one respect.
Andreasyan and screenwriter Andrey Gavrilov wrap it up in just under ninety
minutes, so spasibo for that.
This
film is almost always laughable, but at least it keeps moving along. Sebastien
Sisak is probably the best at doing actual acting stuff as Ler, while Sanjar
Madi shows off some nice moves as Khan and Alina Lanina’s Kseniya looks a lot like
Scarlett Johansson. Fortunately, Anton Pamposhnyy is often in bear-form, at
least from the neck up. Frankly, The
Guardians is a perfect example of why reverse-engineering guarantees you
will always fall short of the targeted original. Recommended only as a cornball
lark, The Guardians screens this
Tuesday (11/21) during this year’s Russian Film Week in London.