Predator: Killer of Killers, on Hulu

Vikings were mean and unruly. Samurai were the greatest swordsmen. And nobody could outfly U.S. Naval aviators. Unfortunately, the Predators aliens believe that to be the best, they must hunt the best. That means they will stalk all the aforementioned throughout human history in Dan Trachtenberg’s animated anthology, Predator: Killer of Killers, “co-directed” by Joshua Wassung, which premieres today on Hulu.

As viewers know from Trachtenberg’s Prey, Predators have been coming to Earth for a long time. They have an advantage in each of the Earthbound historical stories, because the Vikings, Samurai, and WWII fighter pilots are busy fighting each other, while the Predators watch and wait.

Arguably, the opening Samurai story is the weakest of the three, but the brutality of Ursa’s combat, both against her Viking enemies and the Predator, are impressive by any standard. Lindsay LaVanchy also sounds appropriately fierce as the Viking clan leader. Nevertheless, this somewhat revisits the themes and beats of Prey.

Visually, the Samurai story might be the most dynamic. Trachtenberg and Wassung also create some incredible animated martial arts and swordplay. The battle between brothers turned sworn-rivals resonates on archetypal level. Yet, the way they combine forces against the Predator holds great importance later. Although Louis Ozawa is credited as both samurai voices, this is a quiet, largely non-verbal segment, which suits its stealthy ninja vibe and elegant Jidaigeki setting.

Michael Biehn Goes Grindhouse: The Victim

People say they love the environment, but do you know who actually lives out in the wilderness?  Freaks, that’s who.  Nonetheless, a woman running for her life in the middle of nowhere can hardly be choosey about where she finds refuge.  Proudly self-identifying as a retro grindhouse movie, Michael Biehn’s The Victim (trailer here) opens this Friday in New York.

In Victim’s world, women like Annie and her friend Mary can only be one thing: strippers.  They are not bad people.  They just enjoy the fast life.  Unfortunately, when they start “partying” with two crooked cops, Mary is killed in a Very Bad Things style mishap.  Of course, Cooger the narc and the super-connected Henderson now have to shut up Annie, permanently. 

Tearing through the woods, she ends up at the cabin belonging to Kyle, a smart, but seriously twitchy middle-aged anti-social loner.  As you might guess, this dude seems to be hiding something.  Yet, against his better judgment, he becomes Annie’s protector.  At least she is nice enough to throw herself at him during quiet moments.

The truth is The Victim’s big twist is so deliberately obvious, it almost forgets to reveal it.  Perhaps even more surprisingly, the film is not nearly as violent as one might expect.  Kids still have no business watching it though.  Not a slasher film nor torture porn, The Victim is basically a coke and moonshine fueled cat-and-mouse thriller with a rather sinister shoe constantly poised to drop.  Yet, it sort of works on its own sleazy terms.

Kyle the misanthrope is basically the kind of role writer-director Biehn now specializes in and indeed he does his thing with plenty of grizzled attitude.  He certainly looks like a cat to avoid, whereas Jennifer Blanc and Danielle Harris certainly look like strippers, for what that’s worth.  However, their frequent flashback scenes ring with the thudding sound of unintentional comedy.  Yet, that is nothing compared to some of the cheesy over-produced pop songs inappropriately strewn throughout the soundtrack.

The Victim openly invites bad karma by liberally quoting from Clint Eastwood’s The Unforgiven—not a comparison they should invite.  To be fair though, there are a few cleverly written bits of dialogue.  Basically, it is for everyone who wants to see Michael Biehn and two other scumbags go at like old school hill people.  Entertaining in a way, but impossible to recommend to anyone accept hardcore fans of hermitsploitation, The Victim opens this Friday (8/24) in New York at the Quad Cinema.

The Divide: Nothing Fun about the End of the World

If the apocalypse actually comes, you might regret giving away your canned goods. However, Xavier Gens’ gruesome end-of-the-world neo-grindhouse pseudo-sci-fi thriller could use all the good karma it can get. To that end, distributor Anchor Bay Films and Feeding America Food Banks are holding a can drive in conjunction with its opening weekend release. While there might be good deeds going on in the lobby, there will be nothing but cruelty and inhumanity on-screen when Gens’ The Divide (trailer here) opens in New York this Friday with a set of midnight showings.

Before you can say “Sarah Connor,” the world goes up in a mushroom-shaped flash. Unfortunately, a diverse cross-section of a Manhattan apartment building is able to push their way into their Super’s bomb-shelter. Old Mickey is supposed to be a surly crank, but events seem to be vindicating his world view. Yet, despite having the foresight to stock up on Chef Boyardee and electric generators, he kept the place’s early Hostel décor.

Despite his myriad of faults, misanthropic Mickey will not be the most pressing problem for the churlish band of survivors. Indeed, freaky frat boys Bobby and Josh quickly depose their reluctant host as top bananas of the bunker. Of course, protagonist Eva’s fiancé is not capable of standing up to them. Being French, Sam instinctively practices appeasement.

Divide is thoroughly unpleasant and completely illogical. Granted, the end of the world is liable to bring out the worst in people, but reducing them to cross-dressing rapists goes beyond gratuitous. Likewise, the nefarious doings of the Hazmat team above makes no sense whatsoever, functioning merely as an episode to thin the bomb-shelter’s ranks.

It is truly depressing to see Rosanna Arquette so horrifically abused as Marilyn, a grieving mother rendered an animalistic sex object by Bobby and Josh. Toto’s song “Rosanna” was named after her, for goodness sake. In the lead, Lauren German is adequate, but unremarkable, while Law & Order: Criminal Intent’s Courtney B. Vance looks like he cannot wait for his comparatively cerebral neighbor character to die. Frankly, amid all the squalid madness, only Michael Biehn maintains a sense of dignity and humor as the cranky survivalist super. By now, he certainly knows how to get his screen-time’s worth in a B-movie.

To give him due credit, Gens certainly makes viewers feel claustrophobic, but not in a good way. Lurid, heavy-handed, and brutal, The Divide is simply not a good time at the movies. By all means, bring a can of food when it screens midnights this weekend (11/13-11/15) at the Landmark Sunshine in New York, but watch a different film.