Jack
Adams is a fifty-year-old Special Forces vet who can still kick plenty of butt,
but he is nobody’s idea of an astronaut. That’s okay, his old comrade Alexander
Biggs isn’t exactly Elon Musk, but somehow, he is the founder of a billion-dollar
aerospace company. There is a shadowy cosmic cabal pulling their strings
throughout Asif Akbar’s Astro (trailer here), which releases
today on DVD.
We
know from the super-confusing in media res opening this tale will eventually
end up in space. Unfortunately, it still does not make much sense after the
five-day rewind, so consider this fair warning. The widowed Adams was going to
celebrate his big Five-O with his daughter until Biggs dispatches a mutual
service buddy to lure him to his Texas-sized estate. Apparently, Biggs must
recruit Adams for his alien-directed project, because he is a perfect DNA match
for an Avatar-looking being from
another dimension.
Of
course, Biggs keeps his job offer vague, declining to mention the various
aliens involved, most definitely including the Boris-and-Natasha duo of Viktor
Khol and his glitter-face-painted assistant Vivian, who order him around like
the lackey he is. This film is stuffed to the rafters with name characters who
enter, pace around the stage a few times, and then promise to return later, presumably
because it was conceived as the launch of a multi-platform franchise. Good luck
with that.
Frankly,
the special effects in Astro are
laughably cheesy, but not in a nostalgic, throwback way (the harshly
unforgiving lensing does not help either). Without doubt, the best scenes
involve Gary Daniels showing off his undiminished chops. There is no question
if you want somebody in his 50s, who can throw down convincingly while looking
somewhat his age than Daniels is your guy. He still works constantly, but he
really should have broken out bigger during his 1990s prime. Yet, you can argue
as a British martial arts star, he paved the way for Scott Adkins.
Daniels
is also believably protective and dad-like with Courtney Akbar’s Laura Lee
Adams, who looks like she worships the ground he walks on (and maybe she should).
Despite all the ridiculous things he has to do, Marshal Hilton is
entertainingly villainous as Biggs. Indeed, he is emerging as a character actor
worth keeping an eye out for, based on his working livening up Astro and Primal Rage. Most likely Louis Mandylor, Max Wasa, Dominique Swain,
Michael Paré, and Spice Williams would like to leave their work in this one
behind in the rearview mirror, but their presence assures the film will have some
level of cult interest.
There
is no resolution in Astro, nor is
there much narrative cohesion. We’re always willing to give a Gary Daniels
star-vehicle a fair hearing, because he can still carry a picture, but this one
just collapses around him. Regrettably, we just can’t recommend Astro when it releases today on DVD.
