Tim Travers and the Time Traveler’s Paradox

He has a bit of a Looper complex. Instead of wanting to kill Hitler or attend a Coltrane concert, Tim Travers uses time travel to kill himself, so he can explore the resulting paradox. It is an ambitious but very bad idea that inevitably goes spectacularly awry in director-screenwriter Stimson Snead’s Tim Travers and the Time Traveler’s Paradox, which opens this Friday in theaters.

The titular paradox boils down to the notion that if you kill yourself in the past, your time-traveling self would still be alive thereby creating a paradox. It is a thought experiment that Travers takes to ridiculous lengths. Ill-advisedly, he also discusses his research with James Bunratty, an “alternate science” talk radio host. This will be a mistake, because it creates a trail for the hitman hired by the terrorists, whose plutonium Travers stole to power his time portal.

Fortunately, by the time Helter the assassin starts tracking Travers, he has already created at least a dozen other selves through time travel. He started by murdering his previous others selves, but then he started letting his selves from other times (merely one minute apart, but often enough to make considerable differences) live, so he could consult with himself. It also means Helter must keep killing every Travers he sees. To make things extra complicated, several of the Travers take time out for his/their date with Bunratty’s resentful producer Delilah, but it always ends badly, because neither of them is really suitable relationship material, especially him (all of them).

The loopy Looper-esque chaos of the first half is wildly entertaining. However, Snead has trouble maintaining the manic energy during the second half. It is also clear how desperately he was searching for an exit strategy—judging from the nearly incomprehensible speed of the double-talk. Nevertheless, Snead earns credit for developing a fresh take on time travel and for mining the science fiction material for a good deal of laughs.

Scooby Doo! Ghastly Goals, on Tubi

While they are in Brazil, maybe the Scooby gang can solve the mystery of the missing light-rail. They started construction to service the 2014 World Cup, but it remains unfinished. At least you can see long stretches of rail going nowhere. That is more than the state of California has to show for the $15.7 billion spent on its light-rail boondoggle. However, Mystery Incorporated has a more pressing monster to unmask in Victor Cook’s Scooby-Doo! Ghastly Goals, which premieres tomorrow on Tubi.

If ever there were a man and a dog who could appreciate Brazilian churrascaria, it would be Shaggy and Scooby. Instead, they partake of that famous Brazilian street food, pancakes-on-a-stick. Seriously? Frankly, every Brazilian who visits America wants to have a big lumberjack stack of pancakes because they believe (not unfoundedly) that is a very American thing to do.

However, there is plenty of soccer/football. Ghastly Goals was an original episode-length Scooby mystery commissioned for a sports-themed boxset to tie-in with the then upcoming World Cup in Brazil. To be fair, they do a decent job recreating the sights and colors of Rio. The monster, the Eshu, is of Yoruba origin, which does indeed have a place in Afro-Brazilian tradition and lore. Perhaps the lab they visit, thanks to an empty test-tube clue, also appears to be somewhat inspired by Oscar Niemeyer’s flying saucer-looking Niteroi Contemporary Art Museum.

Obviously, this is a cartoon featuring a talking dog who likes to eat, so you should judge it by those standards. However, screenwriters Eric Maher & Kay Reindl’s ultra-frenetic caper, involving a missing autographed football injected with a dangerous super-bouncy formula, lacks the spookiness of the best Scooby episodes. It also ignores the best of Brazilian cuisine, like feijoada, coxinha, pao de queijo, and picanha. They can blame the Eshu, but Scooby and Shaggy do Brazil all wrong.

Death on the Border, Co-Starring Eric Roberts & Danny Trejo

You might not think there would be much crime around the border, since Kamala Harris is our super-efficient and proactive “Border Czar,” but somehow, there is. Many of the “undocumented immigrants” smuggled across the border by coyotes are, in fact, victims of human trafficking. Det. John Boone and his former partner Det. John Watson were paid to look the other way, but the cartel has inevitably demanded they take a more active role. Their disgusted former lovers are not having it anymore in screenwriter-director Wendy Wilkins’ Death on the Border, which opens this Friday.

At least Boone is an old charmer (you can tell, because Eric Roberts plays him). According to Rhonda, being with him had its benefits (you know). It does not seem the same can be said for Watson, Maddy’s ex. Presumably, Maddy did not know their connection when Rhonda happens to pull her over along a lonely stretch of desert highway. However, she leaves the soon-to-be ex-cop enough clues to figure it out, after she knocks Rhonda unconscious and stuffs her in the trunk of her own cruise.

After an introduction like that, Rhonda is strangely willing to join Maddy’s war against the cartel and the pair of crooked cops. Every time they rescue a shipment of young girls, they deliver them to kindly Father Francis. Figuring out what to do with them long-term is sometimes tricky, because in some cases, it was their own parents who sold them to the traffickers. Of course, their success rescuing victims forces the cartel to put the squeeze on Boone and Watson.

It is a shame Death at the Border is not a better film, because border security and human trafficking are deadly serious issues. It starts with the slapdash screenplay, which has serious logical issues. Explaining why characters do certain things at certain times would take a great deal of contortionism. It also seems like Wilkins just grafted on some faith-oriented dialogue, just to appeal to fans of Price of Freedom (granted, that admittedly makes a lot of sense).

The Curse of Wolf Mountain, “Co-Starring” Tobin Bell & Danny Trejo

Fortunately, for the producers of this film, horror fans have a long tradition of forgiving misleading titles. For instance, there is no “curse” in this film. The title evokes Wolfman vibes, but it is closer in spirit to Wolf Creek. There is also the matter of the famous above-the-title co-stars, Tobin Bell and Danny Trejo, who maybe have a combined ten or fifteen minutes of screen-time. So, adjust your expectations accordingly when David Lipper’s The Curse of Wolf Mountain releases today on VOD.

AJ has always been haunted by the feeling there was an evil presence with his parents when they fell to their deaths off Wolf Mountain. However, his mind still suppresses the traumatic events he possibly witnessed, even after years of therapy with Dr. Avery. They were close to a break through with hypnosis, but Avery was afraid further sessions could be dangerous, so he advises AJ to revisit the scene of his parents’ deaths, which sounds way safer, right?

At least AJ will not be alone. His wife Samantha insists on coming too. Then his brother Max decides to tag-along and his wife Lexi tags-along with him, and her sister Emma and her deadbeat boyfriend James tag-along with Lexi. Maybe the last two will be useful, since they are so randy and trashy, the slasher is sure to kill them first.

Weirdly, there is also a trio of hold-up men hiding out on Wolf Mountain too, but they will be no match for the masked killer. Their best hope just might be Ric, AJ’s dog-sitting slacker cousin, so it looks pretty grim.

Honestly, Tobin Bell’s early scene as Dr. Avery is probably of counter-productive reminder of his always intriguing screen presence and how under-employed it is in Wolf Mountain. It is also painfully clear Lipper and co-producer-screenwriter-co-star Keli Price could only afford a few days with Trejo, because his brief appearances as one of the fugitives do not last long. Price is okay as AJ, but Lipper is probably his own best asset in-front of the camera, playing Max.

Renegades, Co-Starring Lee Majors and Patsy Kensit

These retired mercs fancy themselves the old-timer version of “The Wild Geese,” which is saying something, considering how haggard the hard-living Richard Burton and Richard Harris looked in that 1978 movie. The crusty old Londoners are probably twenty years older, but they look healthier. That is fortunate, because they will have some work cut out for them in Daniel Zirilli’s Renegades, which releases tomorrow on VOD.

Maj. Carver just moved his former subordinate Burton off the streets and into his home, because the veteran officer never leaves one of his men behind. Carver is pretty American-sounding, but his daughter is all British. Judy Carver was even elected a local councilor. In representing her district, she made trouble with the cops for Anthony Goram’ criminal outfit. Carver intended to warn off the interloping foreign (from parts undefined) gangster, but his thugs killed the Major instead.

Obviously, Burton and Carver’s old comrades (and fellow support group members) Peck, Woody, and Harris do not take kindly to that, so they round up all the weapons they can scrounge (including a crossbow) to take the fight to Goram. They do a pretty good job of it, especially since Inspector Moore (who is investigating their mayhem) has to call in favors from her CIA contact (a cameo appearance for Michael Pare) to figure out what is going on.

That is pretty much all there is to Renegades, which wouldn’t be so bad, if Zirilli’s direction were smoother. His strictly dramatic scenes have an awkwardness that must embarrass his experienced cast, especially the great Lee Majors, who brings a gravitas to the film that it doesn’t deserve, as the Major. As Judy Carver, Patsy Kensit (from Lethal Weapon 2 and Angels and Insects) is stuck in several dull scenes opposite Nick Moran’s impassive Burton that must have been a chore for them to plod through.

Green Ghost and the Masters of the Stone

Usually, you have to be born into a family of superheroes, like the Incredibles. Charlie Clark was unofficially adopted. They wanted to keep the superpower stuff away from the gringo, because he is a bit of a screw-up, but somehow it rubs off anyway. Now, they’ll have to work together to save their Nana, the world, and pretty much everything in Michael D. Olmos’s Green Ghost and the Masters of the Stone, which releases today on VOD.

Eons ago, there were aliens, stargates, stones of power, and whatever. Cut to the chase, Nana is a keeper of the power stone and she invested her grandchildren Marco and Karina with its power. When Clark was a boy, Nana took him in, because his own family was a mess. Then one night, Nana protected him from her rogue sister, the Sauron figure after the stone. He assumed it was all a dream, but obviously it wasn’t.

He was also touched in the process. To save Nana, Marco and Karina need grown Clark to awaken his qi and join it with theirs, but he will need a lot of quick training from the “Masters.” Even though Clark has served for years as cage-fighting Marco’s masked luchador-ish sidekick, the “Green Ghost” (not “gringo”), he still hasn’t picked up many skills.

It is easy to see Green Ghost was an ultra-microbudget DIY affair, but its energy level is infectious. You can practically envision co-screenwriter Clark, who plays a somewhat fictionalized version of himself (in terms adoptive family relationships) yelling out: “you guys, lets make this movie ourselves.” The thing is, they did and the generous helpings of martial arts action are not half-bad. In fact, they somehow recruited Chilean martial arts star Marko Zorar to play Drake, the champion warrior of the forces of darkness (and to sign-on as a producer).

The Legend of La Llorona, Starring Danny Trejo

The mournful La Llorona lady ghost was the subject of the first Mexican horror movie, Ramon Peon’s La Llorona, so it is clearly deeply rooted in their national folklore. Unlike previous incarnations, this weeping woman did not kill her own child, but she is still supernaturally angry and looking to take out her wrath on the children of others. Unfortunately, when the Candlewoods check into their riverside B&B, they basically deliver their sad little boy Danny into her ghostly hands in Patricia Harris Seeley’s The Legend of La Llorona, which opens today in New York.

You know this Mexican town is rough when Jorge, the cabbie from the airport, keeps warning the Candlewoods to never, ever leave Veronica’s comfortable casa. Then their hostess has a mild panic attack when she sees they have a child. However, that does not deter the parents from sampling the local hotspot, where they have a run-in with unsavory cartel types, but fortunately the grizzled Jorge is there to intercede (he is played by Danny Trejo, so hopefully they tipped him well).

Tragically, Carly Candlewood is still reeling from the stillborn death of their infant daughter. Unfortunately, she has subsequently been withdrawn and impatient with Danny, only realizing her error after La Llorona spirits him away. With the help of Veronica and Jorge, the Candlewoods will temporarily recover him, but La Llorona just keeps coming back.

It is debatable which is more unintentionally humorous in Legend, the clunky dialogue or the sight of characters blasting away at the wraith-like La Llorona specter with large shotguns. At least it seems to slow her down a bit, even if it doesn’t make much sense.

Bare Knuckle Brawler

Technically, they are both the victims and the perpetrators, but underground fighters do not make the rules and they reap little reward for their efforts. It is the criminal gangs promoting the fights that make all the money. A particularly nasty outfight is cutting through palookas like tissue paper, but they will mess with the wrong family of martial artists in Joe Gawalis’s Bare Knuckle Brawler, which releases today on DVD.

Joey Calderon was always the perfect son, following in the footsteps of his retired cop-sensei-father, Mike Calderon. Unfortunately, Steve Calderon was the family black sheep, but he is the only son their father has left after Joey is murdered by the fight-club gang he infiltrated. Of course, Steve is determined to bring Santo Ariza and his henchmen to justice, despite his father’s best efforts to dissuade him.

That is the tried-and-true premise of Knuckle in a nutshell. Granted, the narrative is not exactly overly complicated, but the fights scenes are impressively brutal. Yet, that arguably puts us a similar position to that of degenerate modern-day Coliseum spectators cheering for each death in the ring.

Frankly, Knuckle looks cheap and sub-professional. However, the greatest disappointment is the complete and baffling way the film under-employs Martin Kove (the mean-spirited Sensei Kreese in the Karate Kid/Cobra Kai franchise) as the Calderon patriarch. At least he gets to work with his son Jesse Kove, who portrays the ill-fated Calderon brother, while he is alive.

In the Shadow: Sun, Surf, and Supernatural Healing

Why did the documentarian come to the coastal Puerto Rican village? For the grant money, of course. This might be the most honest portrayal of a filmmaker-academic yet rendered on screen. Unfortunately, it is also the scariest thing about Nicole Elmer’s In the Shadow (trailer here), which launches today on digital VOD from Devolver Digital.

Diego Cadena wants nothing to do with Hilary Weiss when she blows into his sleepy resort town. It is nothing personal, he is just becoming increasingly anti-social. Cadena is well known amongst the townspeople for his uncanny healing abilities. However, each time he uses his power, it inflicts extreme trauma on his psyche. The visions are getting more violent and intruding more frequently into his waking life, which could have tragic implications.

Meanwhile, Weiss has not exactly covered herself in filmmaking glory. She has been too busy arguing with her soon to be ex-husband to shoot much footage or do any of that documentary stuff. Yet, for some reason, she decides Cadena is just the man to help her scout locations. She is even more intrigued when she sees Cadena reluctantly use his so-called “gift.”

Michelle Keffer’s Weiss can curse on a cell phone like nobody’s business, but her chemistry with co-lead-co-writer Jorge Sermini is embarrassingly awkward. At least, she has some drive and presence. In contrast, Sermini seems to be at war with the camera—and he loses. Even Danny Trejo cannot save the day playing a sensitive singer-songwriter wrestling with his self-doubts. Just kidding. He briefly turns up as a supernatural badass haunting Cadena’s visions (or whatever they are).

Self-billed as an “art-house horror movie,” Shadow processes a lot of influences, including John Sayles (particularly in terms of pacing), but it confuses mysteriousness with aimlessness. There is some first-class atmosphere and picturesque locations, but too often viewers will be waiting for the narrative to catch up with them. The net results ultimately fall too betwixt and between—too reserved and deliberate for mainstream horror audiences and too conventional for cult film cineastes. For those who cannot resist a helping of Puerto Rican fantastical cinema nonetheless, In the Shadow is now available on digital VOD platforms from Devolver Digital.

In the Blood: Gina Carano Misplaces Her Husband

You would think two recovering addicts would go to a tightly controlled “Club Med” environment for their honeymoon. Instead, the Grants visit the most corrupt island in the Caribbean. They stay on the wagon, but even more serious problems develop. When the new Mr. disappears, the new Mrs. will unleash all her street-fighting skills to find him in John Stockwell’s In the Blood (trailer here), the newest vehicle for MMA star Gina Carano, which opens this Friday.

Ava’s father Casey was an original hardcase, who taught her how to fight good and hard. Even during her strung out days, following his untimely demise, she could take care of her would be predators. She cleaned up when she met the well-heeled Derek Grant in rehab. His father is not exactly thrilled with their union, but has stopped fighting it. Aside from a little dust-up in a club, their honeymoon is all very sweet and romantic—until the zip-line accident.

Unfortunately, that is not even the worst of it. Mysteriously, the ambulance carrying Grant to the central hospital never arrives with the patient. Of course, the fat and lazy police chief is happy to shift suspicion onto his ex-junkie wife, finding a receptive ear in old man Grant. Determined to find her husband, Ava Grant sets out to give the Jack Bauer treatment to every lying witness and corrupt cop in her path.

In the Blood is a pretty straight forward martial arts programmer, but it maintains Carano’s viability as an action star. There are several down-and-dirty fight sequences that nicely showcase her chops. She also gets nice support from a colorful cast of supporting characters, including Luis Guzmán and Danny Trejo (who kills it in his final scene). It is also impressive to see Stephen Lang continues to get rougher and tougher with age during his brief flashback scenes as dear old dad. As a Twilight alumnus, Cam Gigandet does not inspire much confidence, but he manages to scratch out some okay chemistry with Carano.

For genre fans, In the Blood could be considered the rough equivalent of early Van Damme films. The plots were never extraordinary, but they were serviceable enough to build up his credibility as an action star and a romantic lead. In the Blood serves the same function for Carano, even with its unfortunate and potentially spoilery title. Stockwell does an okay job framing the action, but he is no Isaac Florentine, let alone a Dante Lam or Wilson Yip.

Still, Carano delivers on her end. She has screen presence and chops. In the Blood will not take her to the next level, but it will keep her existing fanbase engaged and ready for more. Enjoyable as a quality B-movie with serious MMA aptitude, In the Blood is recommended for genre enthusiasts when it opens this Friday (4/4) in New York.

Presented by Sasha Grey: Modus Operandi

Neither producer nor star, Sasha Grey is “presenting” Frankie Latina’s new retro 1970’s exploitation midnight movie. So, after who knows how many adult videos and a starring role in Soderbergh’s digital quickie The Girlfriend Experience, Grey is evidently the new Oprah. Hey, that’s fine, I’m just checking. However, she picked an odd first film to lend her imprimatur to with Latina’s Modus Operandi (trailer here), which kicks off a week of midnight screenings this Friday at the IFC Center.

Presented by Grey and co-starring Danny “Machete” Trejo, Mark “American Movie” Borchardt, and Mark “Animal House’s Neidermeyer” Metcalf, Operandi reviews ought to pretty much write themselves. Of course, like fellow Wisconsin indie filmmaker Borchardt’s Coven, Latina’s story is largely incomprehensible. Perhaps it is the “additional material” contributed by Borchardt.

The McGuffin, such as it is, involves two briefcases filled with compromising material lost by front-running presidential candidate Squire Parks. To recover them, the CIA director, naturally played by the always seriously bad Trejo, recruits Stanley Cashay, a once lethal assassin who spiraled into a debilitating depression after his wife’s murder. Once he pulls himself together, he will have to contend with agency turncoat Dallas Deacon. As he pursues his quarry, people get killed and women walk around naked.

There are a lot of video gags strewn throughout Operandi, including a phony vintage commercial for 70’s Hindi Policewoman-esque TV show, which begs the question will we get an Ayesha Ayesha movie next? Do not even ask what Metcalf’s character “Copper Gore” has to do with anything. A member of the Wisconsin mafia, one suspects he just showed up to support his more eccentric colleagues. As Deacon, Borchardt is pretty much the same as he ever was, but Randy Russell might actually be seen doing a spot of acting as our anti-hero Cashay. Again, Trejo brings serious cult cred to Operandi that it really does not deserve.

In fact, anyone expecting Machete like attitude in Operandi might be a bit disappointed. Sure there is plenty of cartoon violence and a fair amount of nudity, but with its grainy look, surreal imagery, and surprisingly slow pace, Operandi often feels more closely akin to experimental film than a tongue-in-cheek gore fest. As a result, it is hard to know what to make of it, but it is surely not for a mass audience.

Ultimately, Operandi is a strange exercise in exploitation love that should have been much funnier, or at least more energetic. Fans of Grey and Trejo (you know who you are) probably will not let that deter them from the midnight Friday (9/10) screening, which the “presenter” and co-star will attend in the flesh, so to speak. In every way an odd film, Operandi runs September 10-16 at the IFC Center.

Spawn of Grindhouse: Machete

OK ladies, here’s some quality time with the man you can’t resist: Danny Trejo. Actually, he really can carry a picture, but it will probably be an overwhelmingly male crowd checking out his star turn today (and a pretty juvenile audience at that). Expanded from a joke trailer within the exploitation homage Grindhouse, Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis’ Machete (real trailer here) opens wide today.

Just about everything you have heard about Machete is true, except for the half-hearted attempts to back-pedal from its racially polarizing message. Machete is a former federale set up and left for dead by Torrez, a Mexican drug lord played by Steven Seagal (is this why he didn’t do The Expendables?) Of course, Torrez does not have what it takes to kill Machete, but the experience leaves the ex-cop slightly bitter and disillusioned.

Now working as an illegal day-laborer in Texas, Machete is hired by the mysterious Booth to kill a state senator making a name for himself crusading against illegal aliens. It turns out to be another set-up designed to boost the senator’s popularity. However, instead of conveniently dying, Machete launches an all out war against the senator, Booth, their Minuteman-like allies, and the money man behind them all, who wouldn’t you know it, happens to be Torrez.

Co-director Rodriguez can tap dance as fast as he can in friendly interviews, but there is no getting around the fact that his film explicitly argues anyone who favors enforcing our nation’s immigration laws is a racist who deserves to be murdered, preferably in a rather gruesome manner. Yet, that would be fine if Machete were truer to its roots.

Clearly, Machete deliberately models itself on the more militant strain of blaxploitation exemplified by Ivan Dixon’s The Spook that Sat by the Door and Oscar Williams’ The Final Comedown. Far from being liberal, these films are more neo-fascist than anything ever seen in vigilante films like Death Wish. In Door, an African-American CIA veteran leads an inner city insurrection against white America. Despite the premise, the film is not about reveling in victimhood, but expresses a message of self-reliance (albeit a violent and arguably racist one). Though not as empowering, Comedown is witheringly contemptuous of white liberals, depicting them as fair weather allies ready to sell out the revolution as soon as things get hot. Machete the film pretends to share this sensibility, but it is really just posing.

Lacking old school conviction, Machete is constantly taking time out from the sex and violence to check in with “The Network,” an underground social welfare organization run by the disturbingly named Shé. Door’s Dan Freeman would have no patience for this kind of do-gooder liberalism. Of course, the film’s political subplots are not just didactic, they are embarrassingly ill-informed. Imagine a state senator attempting to build an electrified border wall. In real life, the Federal government would have a thing or two to say about that.

If Machete would just stick to its roots it would be a more consistently entertaining film. Machete killing whitey with the help of hot chicks with big guns is nearly bullet-proof material. Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, and Lindsay Lohan all look quite healthy and are hardly shy in the film, each taking a turn with the irresistible Machete. Yet, the Avellan Twins and Cheryl Chin are frankly even more attractive, as a pair of gun-toting nurses and Torrez’s henchwoman, respectively. There is no question, the film understands what will sell it, and it is not the constant advocacy for even more social welfare spending in illegal communities. Yet for some reason, it cannot resist indulging in these relevant “teaching moments.”

On the plus side, Machete is not anti-Catholic. Our anti-hero’s Padre brother surreptitiously tapes his confessional, lusts after women, curses freely, and kills without mercy, but these are all good things in Machete’s world.

Danny Trejo has been a cult star for years because he is stone cold bad. Watching him turned loose is definitely good fun, though one suspects his is more charismatic to the Harry Knowles movie geek set than the Albas of the world. Still, there is no denying his considerable timing and presence in Machete. It would be interesting to see him as a straight action lead in a film not intended as either self-parody or a political statement.

While there is plenty of meathead entertainment in Machete, it frequently undercuts itself with its awkward political posturing. Indeed, trying to be PC in a “chicks with guns” flick is truly self-defeating. Memo to Rodriguez and Trejo: next time stick to the sex and violence. A ridiculously mixed bag, Machete opens nationwide today (9/3), including the Village East here in New York.