There
are no ties in zombie apocalypses. It is sudden death all the way.
High-sticking is recommended. Let’s face it, Jonesey and his teammates are
probably not the brightest of the Northern Lights, might they might just have
what it takes to survive in Wayne Harry Johnson’s Jr.’s Ahockalypse (trailer
here),
which releases in select theaters and on VOD this Friday.
If
you don’t understand how a hockey player can take down a pack of shuffling
zombies, fan favorite enforcer Kelly Chase will show us how its done in the
film’s largely unconnected but totally awesome prologue. Cut to Jonesey and his
Prairie King teammates. They are about to win the big game, with all their fans
cheering them on, including divorcee booster, Mrs. Johnson. Alas, the
celebration will be short-lived, due to the zombie outbreak, but there will still
be time for some 1980’s-style gratuitous nudity.
Soon
Jonesey is running for his life with his mates BJ and Wave, along with Mrs.
Johnson and the mystery “hot girl” nobody seems to know. Jonesey is
understandably concerned about his girlfriend Jenny, but she is a pill under
the best of circumstances—and the zombie apocalypse really brings out the worst
in her. In contrast, Mrs. Johnson keeps her cool. In fact, he is starting to
realize she really isn’t that much older than him. Meanwhile, the team mascot
and his two sidekicks, the “Badass Girls” have been tearing through town,
mowing down zombies with their superior Kung Fu.
Thank
goodness for Minnesota, because it proves we can still produce a gleefully
politically incorrect zombie comedy like Ahockalypse within our borders.
Sure, it is a gory zombie film, but it is indomitably cheerful all the way
through. This isn’t one of those zombie movie argues the undead Armageddon is
really humanity’s just deserts for not cutting green house emissions one-hundredth
of one percent at the mere cost of global unemployment and mass starvation
(feel the shame). It is about beer and hockey and zombies and stripper poles
and guys wearing gopher suits.
Jesse
Rennicke is likably luggish as Jonesey, but Gabrielle Arrowsmith is the
breakout star of Ahockalypse. She
gets the biggest laughs and shows considerable action cred, while maintaining
her dignity in some absolutely outrageous situations. Similarly, Cassandra Ha and
Jess Johnson make quite an impression and perform some impressive fight
choreography as the “Badass Girls.”
Right,
so forget about the Academy’s new distinction between best respectable picture
and best “popular” movie. Ahockalypse is
obviously winning them both. It doesn’t quite have the heart of Canada's original Wolfcop, but it is definitely skating in its league. It has to be the funniest zombie comedy since Dead Bite, which is saying something. Very highly recommended for
fans of sensitive coming-of-age films, Ahockalypse
hits select theaters and VOD this Friday (8/17).
