At
this ultra-Christian academy, they won’t serve Jacob bacon, because he is
Jewish and that is their idea of sensitivity. Frankly, he would prefer to have
the bacon. There really isn’t much point to their weird attempt to keep him
kosher, especially given the staff’s habit of murdering students. However, they
probably are not the only psychopaths in Boaz Yakin’s Boarding School (trailer here), which opens tomorrow in Los Angeles.
After
Jacob’s supposedly cool step-dad walked in on his cross-dressing episode, he
shipped Jacob off to the New England fundy school, to spare the nerves of his
high-strung mother. The student body is suspiciously small, but Jacob is
surprised to find he already knows one of his classmates. Christine is the
obnoxiously entitled daughter of his step-dad’s well-heeled boss. Frankly, her
anti-social behavior borders on outright sociopathy, but she has a weird fascination
with Jacob and his sexuality.
While
Christine rebels against sinister headmaster Dr. Sherman’s perverse discipline,
Jacob tries to protect the weaker students, with mixed results. He also finds
himself drawn to Christine, despite her mean streak. As difficult students
not-so mysteriously die off, they start investigating the dodgy school, quickly
deducing it is like a Hogwarts for conspicuously inconvenient kids.
If
this film had been made fifteen years ago, it would be a legend, but today it
is totally ho-hum. These days, a gender identity questioning youth like Jacob could
be a budding reality TV star, especially growing up on Manhattan’s Westside (we’re
assuming it is the UWS, but maybe it is the Upper East). Frankly, it is hard to
believe any Manhattan parents would entrust their kids to the titular boarding
school, even (or especially) if it really was what it presented itself to be.
Still,
the weirdly sexually-charged and massively dysfunctional relationship that
develops between Jacob and Christine is consistently intriguing. The film is at
its best when they are verbally sparing. They look pretty young too, which adds
further elements of danger, as well as a bit of sexualized ickiness. However,
most of the actual horror movie stuff is pretty standard issue—and rather tame,
at that.
Regardless,
Luke Prael and Sterling Jerins are quite well cast as Jacob and Christine. They
truly look and sound like problem children. Will Patton and Samantha Mathis are
almost always interesting to watch on screen, but they seem to be bored playing
garden variety villains like Dr. Sherman and his accomplice-wife Isabel.
