Buddy: Barney-Inspired Horror

If you don't like Barney the blue dinosaur, then don’t watch him. Yes, he had a huge media presence in the 1990s, but so what? Why all the hate on Barney? However, at least one good thing came out of all that pointless negativity. This nasty unicorn and his sinister children’s TV show were clearly and unambiguously inspired by Barney. It is a strange and dangerous world, especially for Freddy and her fellow child “co-stars” in Casper Kelly’s Buddy, which opens this Friday in theaters.

At first, Freddy doesn’t realize anything is wrong—and she can’t remember life before Buddy’s “show.” However, she and Wade can’t help noticing Buddy is a little rough with their friend Josh, just because he doesn’t want to dance. The next thing they know, Josh is gone and Buddy’s story just doesn’t add up. Then, they witness Buddy murdering Nurse Nancy when she also starts asking questions.

This scenario slowly unfolds over the course of three full, completely bonkers “episodes.” Honestly, it is impressive to watch Kelly trusting his premise and the film’s gloriously unhinged style. It takes a good long while for the film to shift to the “real world,” but when it does, it is sort of a letdown.

Something is troubling Grace. She has a feeling of absence, even though neither her husband or their two kids notice anyone or anything missing. Nevertheless, she even calls in a psychic, who detects massive bad vibes. Soon thereafter, she sees unsettling flashes of mysterious kids’ show, featuring an ominous orange unicorn.

Buddy is a thoroughly evil film, in a subversively entertaining way. There is a twisted logic to it that makes it so compelling. Arguably, Kelly and co-screenwriter Jamie King take a minor misstep when they pull back late in the third act to give viewers a wider view of the cosmic shenanigans at work, but the sheer originality remains undeniable.

Deathstalker, Starring Daniel Bernhardt

Casual viewers might think of fantasy heroes as virtuous Tolkienesque dragonslayers, but for real fans, the irresponsible antiheroes are even more important. Conan was that kind of freebooter and so was Red Sonja (in the books and comics). The title character of Roger Corman’s 1983 rip-off has always been a cult-favorite, because he was so grungy and roguish. The reboot might not share much with the original, but at least the wandering swordsman still refuses to reform himself in Steven Kostanski’s Deathstalker, executive produced by Guns ‘n Roses’ Slash, which opens this Friday in theaters.

As the film opens, the universally despised Deathstalker makes his coin scavenging from dead bodies fallen in battle. That is pretty scummy behavior, but nobody challenges him, because he is too lethal. However, this time around, he “liberated” an amulet from a “mostly dead” knight that apparently carries a curse.

From now on, no matter what he does with it, it always turns up back in his pocket. Making everything worse, a demonic army led by his old nemesis, Jotak, seems hellbent on recovering the amulet, even if it does him serious harm in the process. To lift the curse, he must find Doodad, a little person wizard. However, Deathstalker must first save the sorcerer from his own magical entrapment. Heck, at this rate, Deathstalker is practically becoming heroic.

The ruckus but comfortable combination of bloody carnage and outrageous over-the-top humor will compute for fans of Kostanski’s previous films, such as PG: Psycho Goreman. Deathstalker also reflects the former makeup artist’s passion for practical effects. It doesn’t exactly transport the audience to an immersive fantasy world, but it certainly dives right in, embracing the hacking and slashing, as well as the creature-creation.

DC Horror Presents…

While Marvel gets more credit for integrating traditional monsters like Dracula and Frankenstein into its 1970s superhero universe, DC always had its own horror chops. After all, they had the Creature Commandos and the long-running House of Mystery was “hosted” by Cain, who sort of has a place in the DC universe. Periodically, the major heroes battle the supernatural, but they never like it, not one little bit. Unfortunately, many of them must face the dark side in the anthology DC Horror Presents…(the ellipsis makes it scarier), which goes on-sale today.

Frankly, it kinds of seems like cheating to contribute a story focusing on super-villains, like Dollhouse and Dollmaker. Nevertheless, David Dastmalchian & Leah Kilpatrick do exactly that in “Love You to Pieces.” However, they certainly capture the spirit of vintage horror comics while artist Cat Staggs cranks up the gore well above what EC Comics could ever hope to get away with.

The next story is even darker, while fully embracing the challenge of placing iconic characters in a new horror context. The Boulet Brothers rise to the challenge, forcing venerable Wonder Woman to confront a supernatural force that hits very close to home. This encounter will leave a permanent mark on Diana’s psyche, in which ever universe and timeline it might take place. Butch Mapa’s art and Kristian Rossi’s colors also really pop off the page.

LaToya Morgan’s “Living Doll” takes an approach similar to “Love You to Pieces,” this time focusing on Scarface. However, his presumed victims’ Batman and Wonder Woman Halloween costumes lend it further DC-ness. In this case, artists Tom Derenick and Walt Barna really lean into the gore, in a fan friendly way, of course.

Yet, Aarons Sagers’ “Superstitious Lot,” stands out as the clear highlight of what was originally issue #2. It might seem like another super-villain spotlight, but hopefully this story serves as a backdoor pilot for Tennyson Stacks, a.k.a. Dr. Spooky, the Carl Kolchak-looking paranormal investigator summoned by Oswald Cobblepot, loved and feared as The Penguin, who has been haunted past reason. It seems that all those henchmen he betrayed have come back for vengeance. In addition to the fresh new character and the clever concept, Sagers also delivers a sly cameo for you-know-who.

Francesco Francavilla finally fully embraces the bat in “The Chthonian Dawn,” also delivering the most striking art of the four-issue run. It starts as one kind of horror, but suddenly turns into a more Twilight Zone-worthy “oh the horror, oh the horror” tale. Plus, the guest-starring role for Abby Arcane aptly fits the story’s themes.

Frustratingly, Patrick Horvath’s “The Brooding Public” starts with a truly horrifying concept, but it is poorly served by patchy storytelling. To compound the problems, the cartoony art conflicts with the grim apocalyptic themes. However, it is nice to see an underutilized character like Adam Strange get a feature spot. If this story could be smoothed out and tightened up, it could make a worthy companion to the short film, DC Showcase: Adam Strange.

Arguably, Catwoman counts as both superhero and super-villain. Regardless, she finds herself the victim of a sinister O. Henry-from-Hell curse in Patton Oswalt & Jordan Blum’s “The Diamond Steals Back.” At times, the story is surprisingly poignant, but it ends with a deliciously macabre punchline, which probably represents Oswalt’s funniest work in years.

Chainsaw Day: Chain Reactions

Roger Ebert famously gave The Texas Chainsaw Massacre only two out of four stars. Yet, he conceded the quality of the performances and productions values might surprise viewers, “not, however, that you’d necessarily enjoy seeing it.” Ebert was hardly alone. At the time, Tobe Hooper’s career-making film was decidedly divisive amongst critics. Unfortunately, viewers really do not get a sense of that diversity of opinion in Alexandre O. Philippe’s Chainsaw Reactions, which has a special nationwide “Texas Chainsaw Day” screening this Monday, along with the 1974 film it documents.

Fifty years and change later, everyone involved with Philippe’s doc takes it as a given that Hooper’s film is a classic. Again, he uses an approach like that of Lynch/Oz, essentially presenting extended critical analysis from five experts/critics/fans, while showing evocative clips from the film. Fortunately, these five waxers-poetic repeat themselves far less than the cast of Lynch/Oz did. However, the lineup of Patton Oswalt, Takashi Miike, Australian film critic Alexandra Heller-Nicholas, Stephen King, and Karyn Kusama will not appeal to all fans equally, to put it diplomatically.

Still, listening to Miike and King discuss anything horror related will be an opportunity few fans would want to pass up. Miike’s perspective is particularly notable, explaining Texas Chainsaw’s reception in Japan and tracing its influence on some of his more extreme films, like Ichi the Killer. King also has some worthy contributions, but he never mentions Hooper’s Salem’s Lot, which remains one of the best King adaptations of all time.

Annoyingly, many of the fab-ish five still reflect the same general perspective, especially when trying to score polemical points with respects to the alleged rising level of violence permeating American society. However, the film would have benefited from the more nuanced analysis of Joseph Lanza writing in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Film that Terrified a Rattled Nation, which situates the film within the context of late-1960s and early-1970s violence, definitely including the New Left-adjacent Manson Family Murders, which go unmentioned in Reactions.

Absolute Dominion: The Kumite of World Religions

Athletes talk about God all the time, but it is weird when Sagan Bruno does it. That is because he is sponsored by the Institute of Humanism and Science (IHS). He represents secular humanism in the global kumite to determine which faith will rule the world. Yet, lately, he has heard God speaking to him. Of course, he is the first to agree he maybe just took a few too many to the head. Regardless, he must keep fighting to save the world from all the rival theocracies vying for global supremacy in director-screenwriter Lexi Alexander’s Absolute Dominion, which releases today in theaters and on digital.

Fix Huntley (a very shticky Patton Oswalt) was just another loud-mouth influencer, until he jokingly suggested an MMA battle royale featuring each faith’s standard-bearer settle the religious wars devastating the planet. The idea caught on like wild fire. The “Absolute Dominion” treaties were codified, fighters were trained, and Huntley grew to prophet-like status. Through a loop-hole, the IHS had a sufficient ethical framework to submit their own fighter. Lacking an inventory of holy warriors, they genetically engineered Sagan (in honor of Carl?) Bruno.

His father, Dr. Yehuda Bruno, is a scientist and his coach. His mother is an Olympic gymnast and Rhodes scholar, but she and Sagan aren’t close. Arguably, Bruno’s trainer Anton Moskovitz is like a second parent. However, Bruno will quickly develop a close rapport with Naya Olinga, his bodyguard during the wild card tournament. Weirdly, she volunteered, even though Bruno is considered the longest of long shots.

Nevertheless, Bruno quickly emerges as a bracket-buster, breaking multiple Absolute Dominion records. Naturally, all the media attention concerns the Absolute Dominion organizers, who fear a victorious atheist would launch fresh waves of sectarian violence, so they leak surveillance video in which Bruno talks about the possibly divine voice that speaks to him (unheard by the audience). Frankly, that makes many people even more intrigued, which means Olinga will be very busy during this assignment.

First of all and perhaps most importantly, Absolute Dominion works pretty well as a no-holds-barred beatdown. Lead actor Desire Ma is clearly a natural athlete and he broods with considerable screen presence. He also gets terrific martial arts support from Junes Zahdi and Fabiano Viett as Bruno’s greatest rivals (who want to beat him fair and square in the ring).

The 1% Club, on Prime Video and Later Fox

After Who Wants to Be a Millionaire the set design for gameshows has gotten fancier and flashier, but the questions have gotten steadily dumber. Take for instance The Wheel, if it still streams on Peacock after NBC canceled it. This one has all the sweeping spotlights, but the questions are a little different. An ability to recognize patterns will help you quite a bit if you are a contestant on the new American adaptation of creators Andy Auerbach & Dean Nabarro’s The 1% Club, which premieres Thursday on Prime Video, before later airing on Fox, starting June 3^rd.

Charles Van Doren had his issues, but he was a learned man, so it would be interesting to see him compete on a show like this. The set-up ought to outrage all those critics of The Bell Curve, because it presupposes a distribution of intelligence, but, of course, it makes no demographic assumptions therein. 100 contestants are given $1,000 to risk on a series of questions. According to statistical surveys, 90% of Americans answer the first question correctly. The next question should have an 80% success rate, steadily diminishing down to the titular 1%, for a share of a pot that could potentially be as large as $100,000.

These are not trivia questions or applied mathematics. There might be a bit of reading comprehension involved in early questions, but most depend on logic and the analysis of sequences. You could well be smarter than the participants, but you really have to watch. If you merely half-listen while multi-tasking, you will not see the sequences or spatial relationships the problems refer to.

This is somewhat different concept for a gameshow that clearly worked quite well in the UK, where the franchise originated, before spawning international editions in Australia, Israel, Germany, France, and now the USA (with future editions coming soon to Ukraine and several other nations). Evidently, there is an app that will allow viewers to play along. Yet, it doesn’t seem like it would be as fun to watch with others as Fox’s The Floor, which probably had most of its viewers blurting out answers as soon the images flashed across the screen.